http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYAGFrbGl6E
fascinating molecular biology stuff!!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Heartless
HIV Man Injects Sleeping Wife With Own Blood
An HIV-positive man has confessed to injecting his blood into his sleeping wife and infecting her with the virus that can cause Aids, reports have said. Skip related content
Related photos / videos
HIV Man Injects Sleeping Wife With Own Blood Enlarge photo
It is believed the man wanted to give her the disease so she would start having sex with him again, New Zealand's Sunday Star-Times said.
Court documents detailed how the man, 35, twice pricked his 33-year-old wife with a sewing needle laced with his infected blood.
The husband discovered he was HIV-positive - but his partner and children were not - during health checks imposed on them when the family arrived in New Zealand in 2004.
The woman had said she wanted to maintain the relationship for the sake of the children.
But she refused to have sex with her husband for fear of contracting the disease.
In the documents, the wife described how, in May, 2008, she found a sting-like mark on her left thigh and two days later awoke to a stinging feeling in her leg.
She said: "I got up... and I flicked the blankets... I looked at (the husband) and he was wide awake."
The wife asked him if he had pricked her and he said, 'No'. But she later found evidence of "blood sprinkles" on their duvet, which she said her husband tried to hide from her.
During a routine check-up four months later, doctors revealed she was HIV-positive.
The woman confronted her husband, who admitted dipping a needle in his blood and pricking her with it.
"All he said (was) he was sorry. He said, 'I used needles on you because I wanted you to be the same as me so that you can live with me and you won't leave me'," she said.
The husband has admitted wilfully infecting another with a disease and faces up to 14 years in jail when he is sentenced at Auckland High Court next year.
5th Dec 2009, 11:22 am
from SkyNews
© Sky News 2009
An HIV-positive man has confessed to injecting his blood into his sleeping wife and infecting her with the virus that can cause Aids, reports have said. Skip related content
Related photos / videos
HIV Man Injects Sleeping Wife With Own Blood Enlarge photo
It is believed the man wanted to give her the disease so she would start having sex with him again, New Zealand's Sunday Star-Times said.
Court documents detailed how the man, 35, twice pricked his 33-year-old wife with a sewing needle laced with his infected blood.
The husband discovered he was HIV-positive - but his partner and children were not - during health checks imposed on them when the family arrived in New Zealand in 2004.
The woman had said she wanted to maintain the relationship for the sake of the children.
But she refused to have sex with her husband for fear of contracting the disease.
In the documents, the wife described how, in May, 2008, she found a sting-like mark on her left thigh and two days later awoke to a stinging feeling in her leg.
She said: "I got up... and I flicked the blankets... I looked at (the husband) and he was wide awake."
The wife asked him if he had pricked her and he said, 'No'. But she later found evidence of "blood sprinkles" on their duvet, which she said her husband tried to hide from her.
During a routine check-up four months later, doctors revealed she was HIV-positive.
The woman confronted her husband, who admitted dipping a needle in his blood and pricking her with it.
"All he said (was) he was sorry. He said, 'I used needles on you because I wanted you to be the same as me so that you can live with me and you won't leave me'," she said.
The husband has admitted wilfully infecting another with a disease and faces up to 14 years in jail when he is sentenced at Auckland High Court next year.
5th Dec 2009, 11:22 am
from SkyNews
© Sky News 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
the birthday card
When I met you,
I wasn't planning on falling in love.
I wasn't planning on feeling so attracted to someone,
but you awakened feelings inside me
that I'd forgotten existed.
When I met you,
I didn't realize
how much our love would grow
that the attraction that first brought us together
would reach beyond passion
to the comfort of knowing
I have someone special,
someone who is not only my lover
but my close friend.
When I met you,
I had no idea
where our relationship would lead us,
how beautiful you would make my world.
But now I know without a doubt...
the luckiest day of my life
was the day that I met you.
~RA
I wasn't planning on falling in love.
I wasn't planning on feeling so attracted to someone,
but you awakened feelings inside me
that I'd forgotten existed.
When I met you,
I didn't realize
how much our love would grow
that the attraction that first brought us together
would reach beyond passion
to the comfort of knowing
I have someone special,
someone who is not only my lover
but my close friend.
When I met you,
I had no idea
where our relationship would lead us,
how beautiful you would make my world.
But now I know without a doubt...
the luckiest day of my life
was the day that I met you.
~RA
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
1st month
Today is Veteran's Day and hence people have a day off. Although, I had to go to all my classes. Kenyon never gives us holiday when it's just a day or two off. It sucks, kind of, yet we have longer Thanksgiving and spring breaks. So yea, fair enough! :)
It was a long day and I stayed up late the night before doing some work and studying for a quiz. I was so exhausted by the end of my last class. But I was excited. Because I knew he was on his way to visit me :)
Yea, my dodo came to see me today. It was nice to have him around, to eat lunch at the dinning hall with him, to have him sitting next to me while I was working in the library, and to have him doing his hw next to me while I was doing my lab report. I pretty much like this (not so) long distance relationship we have now. The chances to meet each other are valued so highly because it normally just happen during the weekend. It is also a good preparation for us before we do the 'real' LD relationship. We realized that it won't be easy. But we also strongly believe that it is not impossible, for in God everything is possible :)
More importantly, today is our 1st month anniversary. It's been a month, officially. Almost half a year, unofficially. He did not remember it, which I kinda expected. No boy remembers such date. At least the majority of boys, that I know closely, don't.
I am still so grateful that I found him. Someone whose future vision matches mine and, most importantly, whom I can grow my faith in Christ with.
I love you Ray.
It was a long day and I stayed up late the night before doing some work and studying for a quiz. I was so exhausted by the end of my last class. But I was excited. Because I knew he was on his way to visit me :)
Yea, my dodo came to see me today. It was nice to have him around, to eat lunch at the dinning hall with him, to have him sitting next to me while I was working in the library, and to have him doing his hw next to me while I was doing my lab report. I pretty much like this (not so) long distance relationship we have now. The chances to meet each other are valued so highly because it normally just happen during the weekend. It is also a good preparation for us before we do the 'real' LD relationship. We realized that it won't be easy. But we also strongly believe that it is not impossible, for in God everything is possible :)
More importantly, today is our 1st month anniversary. It's been a month, officially. Almost half a year, unofficially. He did not remember it, which I kinda expected. No boy remembers such date. At least the majority of boys, that I know closely, don't.
I am still so grateful that I found him. Someone whose future vision matches mine and, most importantly, whom I can grow my faith in Christ with.
I love you Ray.
Monday, November 2, 2009
What Soft Drinks are Doing to Your Body
Soda, pop, cola, soft drink — whatever you call it, it is one of the worst beverages that you could be drinking for your health. As the debate for whether to put a tax on the sale of soft drinks continues, you should know how they affect your body so that you can make an informed choice on your own.
Soft drinks are hard on your health
Soft drinks contain little to no vitamins or other essential nutrients. However, it is what they do contain that is the problem: caffeine, carbonation, simple sugars — or worse, sugar substitutes — and often food additives such as artificial coloring, flavoring, and preservatives.
A lot of research has found that consumption of soft drinks in high quantity, especially by children, is responsible for many health problems that include tooth decay, nutritional depletion, obesity, type-2 diabetes, and heart disease.
Why the sugar in soft drinks isn’t so sweet
Most soft drinks contain a high amount of simple sugars. The USDA recommendation of sugar consumption for a 2,000-calorie diet is a daily allotment of 10 teaspoons of added sugars. Many soft drinks contain more than this amount!
Just why is too much sugar so unhealthy? Well, to start, let's talk about what happens to you as sugar enters your body. When you drink sodas that are packed with simple sugars, the pancreas is called upon to produce and release insulin, a hormone that empties the sugar in your blood stream into all the tissues and cells for usage. The result of overindulging in simple sugar is raised insulin levels. Raised blood insulin levels beyond the norm can lead to depression of the immune system, which in turn weakens your ability to fight disease.
Something else to consider is that most of the excess sugar ends up being stored as fat in your body, which results in weight gain and elevates risk for heart disease and cancer. One study found that when subjects were given refined sugar, their white blood cell count decreased significantly for several hours afterwards. Another study discovered that rats fed a high-sugar diet had a substantially elevated rate of breast cancer when compared to rats on a regular diet.
The health effects of diet soda
You may come to the conclusion that diet or sugar-free soda is a better choice. However, one study discovered that drinking one or more soft drinks a day — and it didn’t matter whether it was diet or regular — led to a 30% greater chance of weight gain around the belly.
Diet soda is filled with artificial sweeteners such as aspartame, sucralose, or saccharin. These artificial sweeteners pose a threat to your health. Saccharin, for instance, has been found to be carcinogenic, and studies have found that it produced bladder cancer in rats.
Aspartame, commonly known as nutrasweet, is a chemical that stimulates the brain to think the food is sweet. It breaks down into acpartic acid, phenylalanine, and methanol at a temperature of 86 degrees. (Remember, your stomach is somewhere around 98 degrees.) An article put out by the University of Texas found that aspartame has been linked to obesity. The process of stimulating the brain causes more cravings for sweets and leads to carbohydrate loading.
Carbonation depletes calcium
Beverages with bubbles contain phosphoric acid, which can severely deplete the blood calcium levels; calcium is a key component of the bone matrix. With less concentration of calcium over a long time, it can lower deposition rates so that bone mass and density suffer. This means that drinking sodas and carbonated water increases your risk of osteoporosis.
Add in the caffeine usually present in soft drinks, and you are in for even more trouble. Caffeine can deplete the body’s calcium, in addition to stimulating your central nervous system and contributing to stress, a racing mind, and insomnia.
Skip the soda and go for:
• Fresh water
Water is a vital beverage for good health. Each and every cell needs water to perform its essential functions. Since studies show that tap water is filled with contaminants, antibiotics, and a number of other unhealthy substances, consider investing in a quality carbon-based filter for your tap water. To find out more about a high-performance filtration system, click here.
On the go? Try using a stainless steel thermos or glass bottle, filled with filtered water. Enhance the flavor of your water with a refreshing infusion of basil, mint leaves, and a drop of honey.
• Fruit Juice
If you are a juice drinker, try watering down your juice to cut back on the sugar content. Buy a jar of organic 100% juice, especially cranberry, acai, pomegranate, and then dilute three parts filtered water to one part juice. You will get a subtle sweet taste and the benefit of antioxidants. After a couple of weeks, you will no longer miss the sweetness of sugary concentrated juices.
• Tea
Tea gently lifts your energy and has numerous health benefits. Black, green, white, and oolong teas all contain antioxidant polyphenols. In fact, tea ranks as high or higher than many fruits and vegetables on the ORAC scale, the score that measures antioxidant potential of plant-based foods.
Herbal tea does not have the same antioxidant properties, though it is still a great beverage choice with other health benefits, such as inducing calming and relaxing effects.
If tea doesn’t satisfy your sweet tooth, try adding cinnamon or a little honey, which has important health benefits that refined sugar lacks. For a selection of healthy teas that promote total body wellness, click here. Drink up!
I hope you find the ways and means to avoid soft drinks. I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.
May you live long, live strong, and live happy!
--Dr. Mao
from Yahoo! health
ps. that is why I do not drink soda!
Soft drinks are hard on your health
Soft drinks contain little to no vitamins or other essential nutrients. However, it is what they do contain that is the problem: caffeine, carbonation, simple sugars — or worse, sugar substitutes — and often food additives such as artificial coloring, flavoring, and preservatives.
A lot of research has found that consumption of soft drinks in high quantity, especially by children, is responsible for many health problems that include tooth decay, nutritional depletion, obesity, type-2 diabetes, and heart disease.
Why the sugar in soft drinks isn’t so sweet
Most soft drinks contain a high amount of simple sugars. The USDA recommendation of sugar consumption for a 2,000-calorie diet is a daily allotment of 10 teaspoons of added sugars. Many soft drinks contain more than this amount!
Just why is too much sugar so unhealthy? Well, to start, let's talk about what happens to you as sugar enters your body. When you drink sodas that are packed with simple sugars, the pancreas is called upon to produce and release insulin, a hormone that empties the sugar in your blood stream into all the tissues and cells for usage. The result of overindulging in simple sugar is raised insulin levels. Raised blood insulin levels beyond the norm can lead to depression of the immune system, which in turn weakens your ability to fight disease.
Something else to consider is that most of the excess sugar ends up being stored as fat in your body, which results in weight gain and elevates risk for heart disease and cancer. One study found that when subjects were given refined sugar, their white blood cell count decreased significantly for several hours afterwards. Another study discovered that rats fed a high-sugar diet had a substantially elevated rate of breast cancer when compared to rats on a regular diet.
The health effects of diet soda
You may come to the conclusion that diet or sugar-free soda is a better choice. However, one study discovered that drinking one or more soft drinks a day — and it didn’t matter whether it was diet or regular — led to a 30% greater chance of weight gain around the belly.
Diet soda is filled with artificial sweeteners such as aspartame, sucralose, or saccharin. These artificial sweeteners pose a threat to your health. Saccharin, for instance, has been found to be carcinogenic, and studies have found that it produced bladder cancer in rats.
Aspartame, commonly known as nutrasweet, is a chemical that stimulates the brain to think the food is sweet. It breaks down into acpartic acid, phenylalanine, and methanol at a temperature of 86 degrees. (Remember, your stomach is somewhere around 98 degrees.) An article put out by the University of Texas found that aspartame has been linked to obesity. The process of stimulating the brain causes more cravings for sweets and leads to carbohydrate loading.
Carbonation depletes calcium
Beverages with bubbles contain phosphoric acid, which can severely deplete the blood calcium levels; calcium is a key component of the bone matrix. With less concentration of calcium over a long time, it can lower deposition rates so that bone mass and density suffer. This means that drinking sodas and carbonated water increases your risk of osteoporosis.
Add in the caffeine usually present in soft drinks, and you are in for even more trouble. Caffeine can deplete the body’s calcium, in addition to stimulating your central nervous system and contributing to stress, a racing mind, and insomnia.
Skip the soda and go for:
• Fresh water
Water is a vital beverage for good health. Each and every cell needs water to perform its essential functions. Since studies show that tap water is filled with contaminants, antibiotics, and a number of other unhealthy substances, consider investing in a quality carbon-based filter for your tap water. To find out more about a high-performance filtration system, click here.
On the go? Try using a stainless steel thermos or glass bottle, filled with filtered water. Enhance the flavor of your water with a refreshing infusion of basil, mint leaves, and a drop of honey.
• Fruit Juice
If you are a juice drinker, try watering down your juice to cut back on the sugar content. Buy a jar of organic 100% juice, especially cranberry, acai, pomegranate, and then dilute three parts filtered water to one part juice. You will get a subtle sweet taste and the benefit of antioxidants. After a couple of weeks, you will no longer miss the sweetness of sugary concentrated juices.
• Tea
Tea gently lifts your energy and has numerous health benefits. Black, green, white, and oolong teas all contain antioxidant polyphenols. In fact, tea ranks as high or higher than many fruits and vegetables on the ORAC scale, the score that measures antioxidant potential of plant-based foods.
Herbal tea does not have the same antioxidant properties, though it is still a great beverage choice with other health benefits, such as inducing calming and relaxing effects.
If tea doesn’t satisfy your sweet tooth, try adding cinnamon or a little honey, which has important health benefits that refined sugar lacks. For a selection of healthy teas that promote total body wellness, click here. Drink up!
I hope you find the ways and means to avoid soft drinks. I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.
May you live long, live strong, and live happy!
--Dr. Mao
from Yahoo! health
ps. that is why I do not drink soda!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
one word- INSANE!!!
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/post/Video-Five-year-old-Romanian-weighlifter-become?urn=top,198525
Friday, October 16, 2009
=(
so yea.. Last night we had our first "dispute". No argument or any kind of sort but I was a little upset with him. Such attitude is just not acceptable, especially when he already knew that I do not like it. A simple bugging thing, when done repetitiously, could become nerve racking!
Yet, he is coming to pick me up today. Hopefully things will go okay.
Yet, he is coming to pick me up today. Hopefully things will go okay.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
11-10-09
Maybe it was not the best diction I could have ever used.. But it surely came from my heart. After all those up and down times we've been through, all the care and yet the confusion.. we survived! See how far we made it? I think it won't be too much if I say "I love you" =)
Thank you for taking us as a serious business and thanks for the wait. I realized, although a side of me is very closely related to beautiful poems.. I lost all that ability when I am near the central of the magnet- you!
Let's give us a try.
Let's give us a chance!
yours,
angel
Thank you for taking us as a serious business and thanks for the wait. I realized, although a side of me is very closely related to beautiful poems.. I lost all that ability when I am near the central of the magnet- you!
Let's give us a chance!
yours,
angel
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Question
A question needs an answer.
Unfortunately, the answer is not always easy to give. Just like a decision is not always easy to make
Unfortunately, the answer is not always easy to give. Just like a decision is not always easy to make
Monday, September 21, 2009
fluctuations
I just went through some of my poems. I haven't written a new one since couple months ago. Then I remembered about the unfinished story I started writing about 3 years ago, which I wish to turn into a novel one day. I almost forgot how much I love music, how joyful singing is to me. It's been a while since the last time I wrote a song. Now I am asking my self, is that why I have been feeling so less passionate about my life lately? . Am I really determined to be a molecular biologist, despite the fired brain it (BIOL 263) gives me? I would like to believe that being a Mol Bio major is something I enjoy, yet that would be such a big lie! Not that I hate the classes tho'. It is just that I do not feel the groove, you know. Ughh, I bet the Physics exam I had today is the source of these down feelings >.< I hope my confidence will not be hiding for too long. My soul, please be motivated!
or, should I be an artist instead? :p
or, should I be an artist instead? :p
Like You'll Never See Me Again
by. Alicia Keys
If I had no more time
uNo more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like yo'll never see me again
Oh Oh Oh
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again
(like you'll never see me again)
Oh oh oh oh oh
another song that is now stuck in my head, besides SHE's "Selingkuh Sekali Saja" (no hidden meaning! LOL). Unlike the latter song, I do like Ms. Keys' beautiful yet somewhat gloomy song for some reasons.
If I had no more time
uNo more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like yo'll never see me again
Oh Oh Oh
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again
(like you'll never see me again)
Oh oh oh oh oh
another song that is now stuck in my head, besides SHE's "Selingkuh Sekali Saja" (no hidden meaning! LOL). Unlike the latter song, I do like Ms. Keys' beautiful yet somewhat gloomy song for some reasons.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
thank you note
Dear You
I just would like to thank you for today. The conversation was unexpected to both of us, I would guess. Neither I planed to end up telling you the core of my story in such details and, I bet, nor you thought I would do so.
Thank you for listening to me, for being so patient with me. Thank you for your suggestions and sincere consolations. For being blunt about the truth and yet for the jokes. You know, at this point, I think only you show such concern and understanding to me (besides God, of course). Could it be because we have similar ways of thinking in analyzing this particular issue? Maybe. Yet, I would love to thank you for your time- for letting me interrupt your "Confession of Shopaholic" . Thanks for being a good listener to the whining angel. You probably did not notice it, but I was very down at that time and having you to talk to did help a lot. Thanks for a good friendship. I really appreciate it! And you know you can always count on me whenever you feel like you need someone to share.. :)
again, thanks.
~angel
I just would like to thank you for today. The conversation was unexpected to both of us, I would guess. Neither I planed to end up telling you the core of my story in such details and, I bet, nor you thought I would do so.
Thank you for listening to me, for being so patient with me. Thank you for your suggestions and sincere consolations. For being blunt about the truth and yet for the jokes. You know, at this point, I think only you show such concern and understanding to me (besides God, of course). Could it be because we have similar ways of thinking in analyzing this particular issue? Maybe. Yet, I would love to thank you for your time- for letting me interrupt your "Confession of Shopaholic" . Thanks for being a good listener to the whining angel. You probably did not notice it, but I was very down at that time and having you to talk to did help a lot. Thanks for a good friendship. I really appreciate it! And you know you can always count on me whenever you feel like you need someone to share.. :)
again, thanks.
~angel
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
dear you
why the closer it gets, the more complicated it becomes?
I thought as the "due date" is coming, things are going to become much clearer and more comprehensible. Apparently, it is getting much more nerve racking- completely the opposite from what expected! Is it meant to be this way for a good start? Or, rather, does it have to be this way for a wiser ending? It would be such a pity if it has to end this way. Not only that it has not even been started yet, but also the way it terminates just won't be good for any of us (especially in terms of future correspondence). Hard feelings and resentments. I am trying to avoid them as much as I can, no matter whether we are destined to be together or not. But I guess, to ignore the emotional fluctuations related to someone I dear so much, is simply beyond my capability as a human being. Well, if it has to come to an end this soon, I would take it as God's re-direction. He just doesn't want me to settle for less than His best :) Though, I can tell and will not deny that it might break my heart and hurt me so much, so very much that I just don't want to think about it. I won't blame anyone but my self- for letting myself became emotionally attached to him. A good friend of mine once said, "If you dare to love, you must dare to hurt!". Yet one thing for sure, God will walk it through with me and, at the end of the day, I will be just fine!
we will see..
I thought as the "due date" is coming, things are going to become much clearer and more comprehensible. Apparently, it is getting much more nerve racking- completely the opposite from what expected! Is it meant to be this way for a good start? Or, rather, does it have to be this way for a wiser ending? It would be such a pity if it has to end this way. Not only that it has not even been started yet, but also the way it terminates just won't be good for any of us (especially in terms of future correspondence). Hard feelings and resentments. I am trying to avoid them as much as I can, no matter whether we are destined to be together or not. But I guess, to ignore the emotional fluctuations related to someone I dear so much, is simply beyond my capability as a human being. Well, if it has to come to an end this soon, I would take it as God's re-direction. He just doesn't want me to settle for less than His best :) Though, I can tell and will not deny that it might break my heart and hurt me so much, so very much that I just don't want to think about it. I won't blame anyone but my self- for letting myself became emotionally attached to him. A good friend of mine once said, "If you dare to love, you must dare to hurt!". Yet one thing for sure, God will walk it through with me and, at the end of the day, I will be just fine!
we will see..
Thursday, September 3, 2009
simply like the statement below..
Juste parce que quelqu'un ne vous aime pas la manière que vous les voulez à , ne signifie pas qu'ils ne vous aiment pas avec tous ils ont
Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
outta control!
Welcome back!
After a while resigning from my blog, I decided to write again. Really, nothing creative or interesting facts to share this time. I am just so overwhelmed and thought writing would probably help me to calm down, hopefully.
First of all, it's almost the first week of school. So much work already, especially my Organic Chem class. But I shouldn't complain really, for I knew it is going to be a tough, if not savage, class- both the subject and the professor. I have heard the "legends" about that class from many friends who took it last year. At least I am mentally prepared to face its torture!
Second of all, there have been many non-academic related issues going on. Some of them are soaking up my energy, not to mention me being jet lagged. A couple of them are driving me nuts, for real! It never occur in my mind that anyone would ever be able to break my bank account and use it without my permission a.k.a steal my money!! Geez.. I was in a serious panic mode when I figured that out yesterday afternoon. That heartless person bought stuff from iTunes, three times. I knew it was a theft, right away, coz I never ordered anything from iTunes. I do not even have an account there!!
I called the Bank and the lady, whom I was talking to, was being very nice and helpful to me. However, I just got a call from her about an hour ago telling me that the person who made the purchases in apple store must have had the card with him/her (coz the person did also enter the 3 digits security number on the back of my card!). I cannot think of anyone borrowing my card or even touched my wallet. Neither did my card ever go missing. Ahhhh, my brain is so fried right now!
I need to run to the bank after writing this to sign some paper works (which hopefully will be of any help).. then organic chem lab the whole afternoon.. then studying for tomorrow's 2 quizes (yes, already!). I swear to God I am trying so hard not to whine on my first week of classes but, oh well, I am just a human I guess. I am not immune to stress..
wish me luck!
After a while resigning from my blog, I decided to write again. Really, nothing creative or interesting facts to share this time. I am just so overwhelmed and thought writing would probably help me to calm down, hopefully.
First of all, it's almost the first week of school. So much work already, especially my Organic Chem class. But I shouldn't complain really, for I knew it is going to be a tough, if not savage, class- both the subject and the professor. I have heard the "legends" about that class from many friends who took it last year. At least I am mentally prepared to face its torture!
Second of all, there have been many non-academic related issues going on. Some of them are soaking up my energy, not to mention me being jet lagged. A couple of them are driving me nuts, for real! It never occur in my mind that anyone would ever be able to break my bank account and use it without my permission a.k.a steal my money!! Geez.. I was in a serious panic mode when I figured that out yesterday afternoon. That heartless person bought stuff from iTunes, three times. I knew it was a theft, right away, coz I never ordered anything from iTunes. I do not even have an account there!!
I called the Bank and the lady, whom I was talking to, was being very nice and helpful to me. However, I just got a call from her about an hour ago telling me that the person who made the purchases in apple store must have had the card with him/her (coz the person did also enter the 3 digits security number on the back of my card!). I cannot think of anyone borrowing my card or even touched my wallet. Neither did my card ever go missing. Ahhhh, my brain is so fried right now!
I need to run to the bank after writing this to sign some paper works (which hopefully will be of any help).. then organic chem lab the whole afternoon.. then studying for tomorrow's 2 quizes (yes, already!). I swear to God I am trying so hard not to whine on my first week of classes but, oh well, I am just a human I guess. I am not immune to stress..
wish me luck!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
new
have never had my hair this short before!!
I was worried that I would be upset with the outcome.. but I think I like it, do you? =)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
pouring
People laugh at me when they know I do not know how to ride a bike. They also laugh when they know I am a very weak swimmer, considering Manado, with its beautiful beaches, is my hometown.
I do laugh at myself.
Neither for my inability to bike nor my rather-lame swimming, I laugh for this thing I am holding now. Holding it tight as if I knew it's gonna be mine forever. Though I know God is the one who will make the decision, I just can't stop myself from embracing it. And I pray that it all will be okay, no matter what it's gonna end up like. My heart, actually my life, is in His hand. I am good.
I do laugh at myself.
Neither for my inability to bike nor my rather-lame swimming, I laugh for this thing I am holding now. Holding it tight as if I knew it's gonna be mine forever. Though I know God is the one who will make the decision, I just can't stop myself from embracing it. And I pray that it all will be okay, no matter what it's gonna end up like. My heart, actually my life, is in His hand. I am good.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
the vibe!
Everything happens for a reason, indeed. I am glad it happened. Though it hurt so badly at that time, but I learned A LOT. Moreover, I am glad that I ran to God and found rest in Him. He blessed me with joy and patience. Now I see the fruits. For the next steps, I am so positive He'll take care of everything. I love You, Jesus.. I really do :)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
kubertanya
kembali lagi aku di sini
termangu temani jiwa yang resah
kucoba bertanya tentang risalah hati
tiada terucap, sukma mendesah
tak ku pahami rahasia sanubari
mengapa terus gundah dari hari ke hari
sesaat ada juga goyah imanku ini
tak yakin dengan tujuan hidup, adakah berarti?
malam enggan kujemput, menyongsong pagi pun ku tak mau
setengah hati menjalani hidup yang diberkati
ah keterlaluan kau jadi manusia, tau!
tak kau hitung berkat, malah kau dewakan ambisi
hati ini juga entah mendamba apa
mengais-ngais mencari yang mulia, merengkuh yang fana
Tuhan adakah Kau nyata dan rohMu nyala?
kalau ia bakar aku sampai habis, hanguskan semua!
rasa yang terlalu sering beku, mati.
ingin kupahami ini masa transisi
masih jauh dari bijaksana aku, itu yang pasti
harus ku tempuh jua liku dunia tuk jemput jati diri
ini dia juga, gejolak di dada
menggempar saja tak tahu waktu juga tak berampun
kau kuasai manusiaku, cumbui aku sampai merana
tak mampu memilih ataupun berpaling, aku tertegun
aku yang semua aku yang tiada
berjalan lalui masa sambil memetik makna kucoba
kadang sampai harus meraba, tak kulihat tak terasa
namun Dia ada, tuk buat kuat kakiku bak kijang muda
hidup ini
hati ini
suatu saat kan menguap, jadi embun pagi..
termangu temani jiwa yang resah
kucoba bertanya tentang risalah hati
tiada terucap, sukma mendesah
tak ku pahami rahasia sanubari
mengapa terus gundah dari hari ke hari
sesaat ada juga goyah imanku ini
tak yakin dengan tujuan hidup, adakah berarti?
malam enggan kujemput, menyongsong pagi pun ku tak mau
setengah hati menjalani hidup yang diberkati
ah keterlaluan kau jadi manusia, tau!
tak kau hitung berkat, malah kau dewakan ambisi
hati ini juga entah mendamba apa
mengais-ngais mencari yang mulia, merengkuh yang fana
Tuhan adakah Kau nyata dan rohMu nyala?
kalau ia bakar aku sampai habis, hanguskan semua!
rasa yang terlalu sering beku, mati.
ingin kupahami ini masa transisi
masih jauh dari bijaksana aku, itu yang pasti
harus ku tempuh jua liku dunia tuk jemput jati diri
ini dia juga, gejolak di dada
menggempar saja tak tahu waktu juga tak berampun
kau kuasai manusiaku, cumbui aku sampai merana
tak mampu memilih ataupun berpaling, aku tertegun
aku yang semua aku yang tiada
berjalan lalui masa sambil memetik makna kucoba
kadang sampai harus meraba, tak kulihat tak terasa
namun Dia ada, tuk buat kuat kakiku bak kijang muda
hidup ini
hati ini
suatu saat kan menguap, jadi embun pagi..
Friday, May 29, 2009
an unsolved business
and I accidentally found that picture..
I looked at that picture for a while. There's a ting. It bugged my heart.
Being conscious and sober to the most of my being, I knew it was not him.
But somehow it gave me these uncomfortable feelings. Feelings that I couldn't even explain to myself what they were. It happened simply because they look so similar to each other. Ah, so silly!
I knew it was not that kinda feeling of not-letting-go. It was not indeed. I have moved on. I know, feel, realize, and believe that I did move on. I think I am just being possessive towards all the moments and good times we've had. Not being sincere, if not selfish, to let our memory fades. Although it is going to fade or has been fading anyway. I am thankful to God that I once wholeheartedly loved him. That I learned so many valuable things by having him writing some mini chapters on my book. Moreover, I am thankful that God has allowed me to move on to the next chapter with a grateful heart :)
My heart reminds me of this comfortable yet complicated thing I am facing now. Reminds me that I can embrace my past but cannot live in it. For me, it's always either all or none. Never in between. I do not like gray area. And I know this heart ain't branched and I am pouring it all in. Yet I am still praying for it. And my prayer is not any different from it is of my previous story- "Let Your will be done, my Lord. If this is your will, show me Your way. If it is not, take it away from me. Either way, I put my heart in your hand.. for I know You, and only You, will take a perfect care of it and give me strength through anything. Amen"
For you that I care so much. It is not that I doubt my heart or yours. It's just that, if I am to write those chapters (by the will of The Creator), I do not want to be 99.99% into it. It got to be 100%- no compromise. So, give me space and time to clean my desk.. then I'll surely write valuable stories and poems. Not on my book, but ours.
love,
njl
I looked at that picture for a while. There's a ting. It bugged my heart.
Being conscious and sober to the most of my being, I knew it was not him.
But somehow it gave me these uncomfortable feelings. Feelings that I couldn't even explain to myself what they were. It happened simply because they look so similar to each other. Ah, so silly!
I knew it was not that kinda feeling of not-letting-go. It was not indeed. I have moved on. I know, feel, realize, and believe that I did move on. I think I am just being possessive towards all the moments and good times we've had. Not being sincere, if not selfish, to let our memory fades. Although it is going to fade or has been fading anyway. I am thankful to God that I once wholeheartedly loved him. That I learned so many valuable things by having him writing some mini chapters on my book. Moreover, I am thankful that God has allowed me to move on to the next chapter with a grateful heart :)
My heart reminds me of this comfortable yet complicated thing I am facing now. Reminds me that I can embrace my past but cannot live in it. For me, it's always either all or none. Never in between. I do not like gray area. And I know this heart ain't branched and I am pouring it all in. Yet I am still praying for it. And my prayer is not any different from it is of my previous story- "Let Your will be done, my Lord. If this is your will, show me Your way. If it is not, take it away from me. Either way, I put my heart in your hand.. for I know You, and only You, will take a perfect care of it and give me strength through anything. Amen"
For you that I care so much. It is not that I doubt my heart or yours. It's just that, if I am to write those chapters (by the will of The Creator), I do not want to be 99.99% into it. It got to be 100%- no compromise. So, give me space and time to clean my desk.. then I'll surely write valuable stories and poems. Not on my book, but ours.
love,
njl
Thursday, May 14, 2009
bud eMan
http://petebakar.blogspot.com/2009/05/ku-susuri-lembah-nurani-namun-tak.html
the three that I like:
1. '..occasionally strange'
2. psycho
3. the pic- it gives breath to my words! :)
the three that I like:
1. '..occasionally strange'
2. psycho
3. the pic- it gives breath to my words! :)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
kelu
Bukan nakalnya sepoi dingin yang buatku sedih
mentari yang entah pergi dan sembunyi dimana itu yang ku sangsi
lewati musim dingin, baru mulai berani pohon-pohon tuk hijau kembali
namun bisa tak hijau lagi kalu hujan tak kian menyentuh bumi
Waktu, kalau itu yang kau mau aku bisa beri
sungguh tak ku mengejar waktu, andai kau mengerti
hanya saja bisa patah rasa ini
kalau kau terus salah artikan maksud hati
ku susuri lembah nurani namun tak kudapat apa
di taman jiwa ku duduk dan bertanya pada asa yang resah
mengapa biarkan gulana jadi raja?
dia bilang apa daya terlanjur sayang, dia pasrah
Mudah mungkin bagi mereka tuk bilang lalu saja
Tak sulit bagimu tuk hempaskan semua gejolak di dada?
Andai tak harus kutempuh jarak dan waktu baru bisa tumbuh semua rasa
Tak kan lama bagiku tuk lupakan semua, biarkan lalu sang pujangga
Aku tak tahu harus apa
Aku tak tahu maumu apa
mentari yang entah pergi dan sembunyi dimana itu yang ku sangsi
lewati musim dingin, baru mulai berani pohon-pohon tuk hijau kembali
namun bisa tak hijau lagi kalu hujan tak kian menyentuh bumi
Waktu, kalau itu yang kau mau aku bisa beri
sungguh tak ku mengejar waktu, andai kau mengerti
hanya saja bisa patah rasa ini
kalau kau terus salah artikan maksud hati
ku susuri lembah nurani namun tak kudapat apa
di taman jiwa ku duduk dan bertanya pada asa yang resah
mengapa biarkan gulana jadi raja?
dia bilang apa daya terlanjur sayang, dia pasrah
Mudah mungkin bagi mereka tuk bilang lalu saja
Tak sulit bagimu tuk hempaskan semua gejolak di dada?
Andai tak harus kutempuh jarak dan waktu baru bisa tumbuh semua rasa
Tak kan lama bagiku tuk lupakan semua, biarkan lalu sang pujangga
Aku tak tahu harus apa
Aku tak tahu maumu apa
Saturday, April 25, 2009
pissed off
Chase SUCKS!!!!
I am just so pissed off right now! Since the very beginning they have been doing all this silly mistakes which, in my opinion, are ridiculous to be done by such a big company! Today is the climax! I am SO PISSED OFF!!! Because of their lame system, this whole business needed to get done today now has to be suspended. Plans that were made are now ruined, by Chase!!!!! I am so pissed, gosh..
I really need to get a new back account! I cannot stand this anymore! I don't think I can handle anymore chase-related trouble. Enough!!!!
I am just so pissed off right now! Since the very beginning they have been doing all this silly mistakes which, in my opinion, are ridiculous to be done by such a big company! Today is the climax! I am SO PISSED OFF!!! Because of their lame system, this whole business needed to get done today now has to be suspended. Plans that were made are now ruined, by Chase!!!!! I am so pissed, gosh..
I really need to get a new back account! I cannot stand this anymore! I don't think I can handle anymore chase-related trouble. Enough!!!!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
3 quick facts
As always, when I got inspired to write crappy post on my blog, it means I am running away from don't-feel-like-doing-it schoolwork! lol
So yea, Mr. Weather is finally in a good mood. After giving me the hail-storm attack on Tuesday night on my way to the science quad, you better treat me right today and give me a nice sunny weekend, Mr. W!
I am running away from this 7-9 pages Ecology paper. My brain is so fried and eating double-scoop buckeyes classic ice cream doesn't help to cool it down. Instead, it makes it soggy- I am more motivated to CHILL OUT now, not doing work! Bleh.. Okay, besides that fried brain of mine, I think there are some other things that have been teasing me, buggering my mind, poking my soul, and preventing me from geeking-out:
First, too much skyping with peeps from home does not ease my homesickness. Rather, I am EVEN MORE HOMESICK now!! T^T
I miss being spoiled by my dad and getting massage from his "tapak dewa", mom & me: indulging ourselves with hair spa, joking and playing around with my lil bro, heart-to-heart talking with sis, and my bro's ENGAGEMENT!!!!
Second, this weekend I will meet with him. The first time we will meet each other after all that processes and I am so excited! So so so uber excited!!! :D I knew I love him from the first time I saw him online. He'll be my first. I can't wait to have great times with him and treat him well :)
Third, I got the vibrate! I can feel it and I am just waiting for this question to meet her answer "is this for real?". I just simply cannot get this out of my head. I have to confess that I am so hopeless and can't help myself. Praying hard that God will help me to be patient and that I can make a good decision regardless my emotional fluctuations. This is so certain yet uncertain at the same time. We will see..
~vouz me manquez, mes bebes!!
So yea, Mr. Weather is finally in a good mood. After giving me the hail-storm attack on Tuesday night on my way to the science quad, you better treat me right today and give me a nice sunny weekend, Mr. W!
I am running away from this 7-9 pages Ecology paper. My brain is so fried and eating double-scoop buckeyes classic ice cream doesn't help to cool it down. Instead, it makes it soggy- I am more motivated to CHILL OUT now, not doing work! Bleh.. Okay, besides that fried brain of mine, I think there are some other things that have been teasing me, buggering my mind, poking my soul, and preventing me from geeking-out:
First, too much skyping with peeps from home does not ease my homesickness. Rather, I am EVEN MORE HOMESICK now!! T^T
I miss being spoiled by my dad and getting massage from his "tapak dewa", mom & me: indulging ourselves with hair spa, joking and playing around with my lil bro, heart-to-heart talking with sis, and my bro's ENGAGEMENT!!!!
Second, this weekend I will meet with him. The first time we will meet each other after all that processes and I am so excited! So so so uber excited!!! :D I knew I love him from the first time I saw him online. He'll be my first. I can't wait to have great times with him and treat him well :)
Third, I got the vibrate! I can feel it and I am just waiting for this question to meet her answer "is this for real?". I just simply cannot get this out of my head. I have to confess that I am so hopeless and can't help myself. Praying hard that God will help me to be patient and that I can make a good decision regardless my emotional fluctuations. This is so certain yet uncertain at the same time. We will see..
~vouz me manquez, mes bebes!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
You are beautiful beyond description
You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above
And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above
And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
Yes, I stand in awe of You
I stand in awe of You
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above
And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of Your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above
And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
Yes, I stand in awe of You
I stand in awe of You
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
perasaan (dan kenyataan?)
rasanya ingin kutulis..
rasanya ingin kutulis...
sampe jadi gatel rasanya ni tangan.. hehehehe
goshhhhh.. what's wrong with moi?
btw, Happy Easter to you all! =)
rasanya ingin kutulis...
sampe jadi gatel rasanya ni tangan.. hehehehe
goshhhhh.. what's wrong with moi?
btw, Happy Easter to you all! =)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
gray area
I know I shouldn't be writing my blog now. I should be studying Maths instead. But I think I need to write this down so I won't be thinking about this thing anymore, coz otherwise I won't be able to concentrate studying.
Apapun itu, aku rasa semua org setuju bahwa berada di posisi "abu-abu" itu sangat tidak mengenakkan. Hitam atau putih, salah satu memang pasti ada yg lebih dipilih. Ada yang lebih menguntungkan dan/atau mengenakkan. Namun apapun kenyataanya, entah yang baik atau tidak, aku lebih memilih untuk tahu dengan pasti. Hitam atau putih. Ada atau tidak. Benar atau salah. Kenyataan atau salah paham.
Masalahnya, yang kuhadapi saat ini, bukan masalah memilih. Namun lebih ke masalah mempredikisi dan menginterpretasi. And I am really bad at this kinda stuff. Orang bilang 'Hidup itu cuma sekali, buat apa dibawa susah!'. I do agree but I cannot do that. Being a paranoid myself, I tend to complicate things/ situations. Which then often create misunderstandings. Which then complicates things even more! Geez..
Intinya gua cm pengen tau! Hitam atau putih! Gray area does me no good! Ibaratnya, kalo mau maen becek, sklaian nyebur dan kotor-kotoran dari ujung rambut ke ujung kaki! Ngapain berdiri di samping becekan, trus kena percikan2nya di baju! NANGGUNG!!! Kalo emang setengah2 hati, mending menjauh dr becekan! Daripada kena baju, maen ngga, yg ada cm noda yg ngga bisa ilang..
For sure I know everything happens for at least a reason. In most case, I believe, everything happens for lots of reasons. Reasons that God wants me to learn in order to be a better person and a stronger Christian. May God enables me to patiently wait for His answer.
Ok. Now maths..
Apapun itu, aku rasa semua org setuju bahwa berada di posisi "abu-abu" itu sangat tidak mengenakkan. Hitam atau putih, salah satu memang pasti ada yg lebih dipilih. Ada yang lebih menguntungkan dan/atau mengenakkan. Namun apapun kenyataanya, entah yang baik atau tidak, aku lebih memilih untuk tahu dengan pasti. Hitam atau putih. Ada atau tidak. Benar atau salah. Kenyataan atau salah paham.
Masalahnya, yang kuhadapi saat ini, bukan masalah memilih. Namun lebih ke masalah mempredikisi dan menginterpretasi. And I am really bad at this kinda stuff. Orang bilang 'Hidup itu cuma sekali, buat apa dibawa susah!'. I do agree but I cannot do that. Being a paranoid myself, I tend to complicate things/ situations. Which then often create misunderstandings. Which then complicates things even more! Geez..
Intinya gua cm pengen tau! Hitam atau putih! Gray area does me no good! Ibaratnya, kalo mau maen becek, sklaian nyebur dan kotor-kotoran dari ujung rambut ke ujung kaki! Ngapain berdiri di samping becekan, trus kena percikan2nya di baju! NANGGUNG!!! Kalo emang setengah2 hati, mending menjauh dr becekan! Daripada kena baju, maen ngga, yg ada cm noda yg ngga bisa ilang..
For sure I know everything happens for at least a reason. In most case, I believe, everything happens for lots of reasons. Reasons that God wants me to learn in order to be a better person and a stronger Christian. May God enables me to patiently wait for His answer.
Ok. Now maths..
Thursday, April 9, 2009
101F
it's only 5.43am and I am awake. Actually, I have been awake since 5am, with this fever bugging me. I am 101F now, the thermometer says so. Not quite sure if it's high enough to be consider as a fever. But for sure I feel the pain. My head is so painful now, tummy is being rebellious and feel like my bones are cracked.
I tried to go back to sleep after taking the medicine but cannot fall asleep. Lying on bed somehow hurts my head even more. Sitting and doing nothing also hurt my head. So I decided just to write. Hopefully while I am writing now, the medicine will start reacting and brings my body temperature down. I do not have time to be ill now. Ecology exam is this Friday. Haven't studied for it.. Maths hw is also due Friday. Thank God nanoscience weekly hw that is usually due Friday, is due Monday this time..
Feel like calling home now. But I know I shouldn't. Don't wanna make them worry. Yesterday I already felt the symptom. My body was kinda warm, though I didn't check how warm I was (wonder if "warm" is really the term. oh wtvs!), and I felt like vomiting. My friends, R and R, said "jangan2.. km hamil njel!!". lol. "Enak aja!" gua bilang, "emang gua hamil ama ANGIN!!??"
Then I start thinking about how if human reproductive system was like flower's. They 'have sex' by animal or wind seed dispersal. Jeez, that wont be nice I guess. Every time it is windy outside, I'll just be sitting at home, wrapping myself with impermeable cloths to make sure no sperm will got dispersed by the wind to my skin. Or, I'll be carrying a bug killer (not so sure what it is..lol) to kill bugs that are flying around me! Coz otherwise I'd get pregnant!! LOL. And I thank God I am not a flower, neither human's reproductive system is like flower's.
this is bullshit i know.. lol
ahhhh, my head starts to hurt again.. :(
I tried to go back to sleep after taking the medicine but cannot fall asleep. Lying on bed somehow hurts my head even more. Sitting and doing nothing also hurt my head. So I decided just to write. Hopefully while I am writing now, the medicine will start reacting and brings my body temperature down. I do not have time to be ill now. Ecology exam is this Friday. Haven't studied for it.. Maths hw is also due Friday. Thank God nanoscience weekly hw that is usually due Friday, is due Monday this time..
Feel like calling home now. But I know I shouldn't. Don't wanna make them worry. Yesterday I already felt the symptom. My body was kinda warm, though I didn't check how warm I was (wonder if "warm" is really the term. oh wtvs!), and I felt like vomiting. My friends, R and R, said "jangan2.. km hamil njel!!". lol. "Enak aja!" gua bilang, "emang gua hamil ama ANGIN!!??"
Then I start thinking about how if human reproductive system was like flower's. They 'have sex' by animal or wind seed dispersal. Jeez, that wont be nice I guess. Every time it is windy outside, I'll just be sitting at home, wrapping myself with impermeable cloths to make sure no sperm will got dispersed by the wind to my skin. Or, I'll be carrying a bug killer (not so sure what it is..lol) to kill bugs that are flying around me! Coz otherwise I'd get pregnant!! LOL. And I thank God I am not a flower, neither human's reproductive system is like flower's.
this is bullshit i know.. lol
ahhhh, my head starts to hurt again.. :(
Sunday, March 29, 2009
yellow mellow oh blue fellow
Seharian sudah aku, atau lebih tepatnya hatiku, mencoba menjelaskan pada otak yang keras kepala tentang apa yang sebenarnya sedang menggundah gulanakan jiwa. Sejenak, tak bisa ku bedakan antara sedih dan senang. Seperti mati rasa saja. Mungkin nalar manusiaku lupa bagaimana menterjemahkan not not balok, nada-nada dari drama musikal hidupku. Otakku rasanya seperti ompong, tidak bisa mengunyah aneka ragam makanan yang diberikan oleh hati kecilku ini. Baru kusadari yang kurasa ini ternyata nyata!
Diluar, bunga-bunga salju sedang bermain dengan angin musim semi. Angin yang terlalu dingin untuk bertiup di akhir bulan Maret. "Mungkin cuaca yang jelek ini juga penyebabnya?", kucoba mecari kambing hitam untuk ketidakstabilan emosiku. Tidak ada air mata. Atau mungkin air mata itu ada. Hanya saja dia tidak jatuh di pipi tapi jatuh di dalam dada, dan meresap ke dalam hati. Ah, encok mungkin yah saraf-sarafku ini sampai tak mampu menjalankan tugasnya!
Waktu sepertinya membuat lukisan kegembiaraanku memudar. Kira-kira seperti cita-cita yang dikhianati rasa ketidakpedulian; orang bule bilang, "whatever!". Aku sadar, terlalu muda bagku untuk merasa capek dengan hidup. Terlebih lagi, terlalu diberkati aku untuk menyanyikan melodi sendu. Keterlaluan!
Mungkinkah ini suatu ujian? Ujian untuk naik dari kelas "berterima kasih untuk segala berkat" ke kelas "mengucap syukur untuk semua suka dan duka".
Hanya satu yang aku mengerti saat ini. Aku kangen rumah, pengen pulang. Rindu makanan yang rasanya mengelitik lidah, semerawut kota dengan bisingnya lagu dari angkot, panasnya terik sang mentari yang seolah-olah membenci bumi, khasnya bau tanah yang tercium sehabis hujan deras... rindu semua!
Aku kangen rumah.. aku kangen mereka.. aku kangen dia
Diluar, bunga-bunga salju sedang bermain dengan angin musim semi. Angin yang terlalu dingin untuk bertiup di akhir bulan Maret. "Mungkin cuaca yang jelek ini juga penyebabnya?", kucoba mecari kambing hitam untuk ketidakstabilan emosiku. Tidak ada air mata. Atau mungkin air mata itu ada. Hanya saja dia tidak jatuh di pipi tapi jatuh di dalam dada, dan meresap ke dalam hati. Ah, encok mungkin yah saraf-sarafku ini sampai tak mampu menjalankan tugasnya!
Waktu sepertinya membuat lukisan kegembiaraanku memudar. Kira-kira seperti cita-cita yang dikhianati rasa ketidakpedulian; orang bule bilang, "whatever!". Aku sadar, terlalu muda bagku untuk merasa capek dengan hidup. Terlebih lagi, terlalu diberkati aku untuk menyanyikan melodi sendu. Keterlaluan!
Mungkinkah ini suatu ujian? Ujian untuk naik dari kelas "berterima kasih untuk segala berkat" ke kelas "mengucap syukur untuk semua suka dan duka".
Hanya satu yang aku mengerti saat ini. Aku kangen rumah, pengen pulang. Rindu makanan yang rasanya mengelitik lidah, semerawut kota dengan bisingnya lagu dari angkot, panasnya terik sang mentari yang seolah-olah membenci bumi, khasnya bau tanah yang tercium sehabis hujan deras... rindu semua!
Aku kangen rumah.. aku kangen mereka.. aku kangen dia
Friday, March 27, 2009
Boredom = creativity (?)
so yea, I was bored, tired, stressed out (about flight home), in a bad mood, and.. also kinda annoyed already with my too-long bangs..
A pair of scissors was around and I just thought I should do something to ease the satiation of my soul..
this is what I came up with:
and wenny laughed when she saw this pic.. -_-"
A pair of scissors was around and I just thought I should do something to ease the satiation of my soul..
this is what I came up with:
and wenny laughed when she saw this pic.. -_-"
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
it doesn't beat for smiles
neither it beats so I should cry
for I knew that happiness and tears
have always been there, the colours of my puzzle piece
if it is still beating
it means He wants me to get going
to share, care as well as to dare
learning how to value mine and others out there
the way it beats
not too fast, not too slow
like enough rain gives life to the trees
it beats for me to survive, for my faith to grow
it beats for the loves of my life
though far yet so close, all them five
it gratefully beats for Him
it patiently beats for him
and I love the way it beats..
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Au sujet de vous
Je ne peux pas deviner
Je ne peux pas lire
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous
vous me faites interrogeant
toujours à mon coeur
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous
ce qui si à l'extrémité je t'aime
de votre faiblesse à votre qualité
ce qui si tout vient vrai
c'est probablement le plus beau
il y a beaucoup d'étoiles
juste comme mes questions
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous
Je ne peux pas lire
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous
vous me faites interrogeant
toujours à mon coeur
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous
ce qui si à l'extrémité je t'aime
de votre faiblesse à votre qualité
ce qui si tout vient vrai
c'est probablement le plus beau
il y a beaucoup d'étoiles
juste comme mes questions
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sudah di tangan
Finally, setelah latihan yg jatuh bangun dan perasaan nervous yang meresahkan.. akhirnya selesai sudah ujiannya! I was more than ready to fail than to success on my first test. But all glory to God, I passed my ohio state driving exam on my first attempt! ^^
Semalem sebelum test, papa telpon. Ensuring me that there's nothing to be afraid of. Katanya, ya kalo gagal ya wes, nanti pulang manado papa ajarin lg manuvernya (ini yg gua paling takut soale). So ya, pas smalem gua mo tdr, gua dah pikir, ya wes kao gagal ntar pas pulang summer gua bljr lagi dah. Kind of make sense sih kalo gua %-asi untuk gagalnya lebih bnyk dr berhasilnya, secara gua tuh kalo nge-drive di manado tiap kali mau parking paralel pasti guanya ngacir aje. huehueueh. I hate paralel parking. But yea, I made it today! hohohoho..
hepi dah pokoknya! =D
btw, pengen nonton Slumdog Millionaire niiieee.. Sabtu kemaren sih rencananya mo noton, abis CG. But that night was an exceptionally good fellowship sih. Kitanya sampe males mo pulang. Udah firTunya okeh punya (Tante Yulie hadir sebagai pembicara tamu), satenya tante Yulie maknyussss abis, plus kite2 maen rockband pula. Alhasil kite2 br cabut dr rmh ko Tries jam 2 pagi.hueueuheuhe.. We really enjoyed each other's company that night and I am so grateful to have them as my family in Christ!
Skarang sih smua dah pada sibuk belajar buat exam. So yea, I think I'll just wait until I go back to Indo and proly watch it with my siblings. Ntar lg spring break abis niiiihhh.. huuhuu.. sedih deh gua.. ah, skrg mo hepi2 dl aja lah yah. secara baru lulus tes sim! heuheuheue
Semalem sebelum test, papa telpon. Ensuring me that there's nothing to be afraid of. Katanya, ya kalo gagal ya wes, nanti pulang manado papa ajarin lg manuvernya (ini yg gua paling takut soale). So ya, pas smalem gua mo tdr, gua dah pikir, ya wes kao gagal ntar pas pulang summer gua bljr lagi dah. Kind of make sense sih kalo gua %-asi untuk gagalnya lebih bnyk dr berhasilnya, secara gua tuh kalo nge-drive di manado tiap kali mau parking paralel pasti guanya ngacir aje. huehueueh. I hate paralel parking. But yea, I made it today! hohohoho..
hepi dah pokoknya! =D
btw, pengen nonton Slumdog Millionaire niiieee.. Sabtu kemaren sih rencananya mo noton, abis CG. But that night was an exceptionally good fellowship sih. Kitanya sampe males mo pulang. Udah firTunya okeh punya (Tante Yulie hadir sebagai pembicara tamu), satenya tante Yulie maknyussss abis, plus kite2 maen rockband pula. Alhasil kite2 br cabut dr rmh ko Tries jam 2 pagi.hueueuheuhe.. We really enjoyed each other's company that night and I am so grateful to have them as my family in Christ!
Skarang sih smua dah pada sibuk belajar buat exam. So yea, I think I'll just wait until I go back to Indo and proly watch it with my siblings. Ntar lg spring break abis niiiihhh.. huuhuu.. sedih deh gua.. ah, skrg mo hepi2 dl aja lah yah. secara baru lulus tes sim! heuheuheue
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Beauty vs Prettiness Part 2
(So yea, that night of amazement explained on my previous post is the derivation of this post)
Let's be straightforward this time!
I believe that not everyone is pretty
Well, if everyone was pretty, everyone would be American top models. Or, there would not be such term as 'model'. Makes enough sense, I suppose. I do not regret the fact that I wasn't born as a physically very attractive girl. I used to do so, though. Well, not as extreme as 'regret' but I won't lie I often saddened by the fact that I wasn't born as pretty as my big sister. When I was little, I always compare myself to her. More aptly, people do compare us directly and indirectly. She has everything (Asian) girls want/ wish to have- cute pimple-free face, nice body, intelligence, strong characteristic, bright skin, nice slender legs, easy to manage hair, handsome boyfriend, and many others that I cannot recall now at 3.20am in the morning. Next to her, I felt like a shadow. That kind of feeling is indeed a yukie one, isn't it? Why do I have to be born not so pretty (if not ugly)?
Being pretty is not easy
As I grow older, I perceive life's facts better. Age gives one more angles in seeing one's and other's lives. My big sister is older than me (of course, duh Angel!). She also got the chance to face the world of young lads, earlier than me. From my naive 13 year-old perspective, I truly admired the fact that cute boys are always in line for her. Man, she just need to point one of them with her pinkie! (that's more and less what I thought). Then as I aged, entered senior high school, I also got the chance to be introduced to the complex world of the opposite sex. My line wasn't as long as my sister's for some obvious reasons. No surprise, coz I kind of expected that to happen. But hey, I was not upset or whatsoever. Always see the glass as half full, not half empty! I took lessons from what I see. Being pretty is a blessing yet is not an easy job. For my sister's case, I see how so many boys want to be her man. Many men equals hard to choose. Both the real gentlemen and the jerks are attracted to good looking laides = common sense. The good and the pretend-to-be-good lads are mixed up! Isn't it hard for a pretty girl to decide which one is really, in and out, a good one? Being pretty is a tough job (of course because the jerks do act up to be angelic when they want to get the hot chick!). For the not-so-pretty one, not a lot of boys in stock. The boy(s) that are attracted to her is/are likely to be so because of knowing her as a person aka her personality. My 'unprettiness' automatically eliminates the ones that were (could be) into me only for the sake of lust. The guys, the only few ones, that were attracted to me were those who see me as who I am, not what I am. As a result, not so many boys to choose from! See how much easier for me to pick the good one? If you are in the same situation as mine, be grateful for that!
Pretty is about relativity
Then as I got to meet more and more people and travel from a place to another, I came to a realization that prettiness is indeed relative to so many aspects aka "cantik itu relatif". If I were in the middle of America's top models, of course I would look like a lackey! But say I were in the middle of the "ugly" ones, I would surely look very pretty! But again, the term "ugly" itself is rather ambiguous. It depends on the society. Lighter skin is pretty for the Japanese, while the Westerns are obsessed with golden tanned skin. Most Asian girls believe that to be pretty means to be skinny. While in some African tribes, the plumper a girl the prettier she is. It's like a coin having two sides, each side has equal probability to occur: at a place you might be categorized as pretty yet at another place the chance that you will join the group of "ugly" people is just as big!
Yet I do believe that everyone is beautiful
Beauty is universal yet represented uniquely in each soul. I have heard many complaints form my friends, about the discouragement they feel for not being physically so attractive. I swear I do not bring this up so that I can blame them. Neither do I talk about this to show how strong of a girl I am or how humongous my confidence is. I just sincerely want to share my thoughts because I know exactly how it feels to feel that way. I believe our God is a fair God. He creates everyone to be beautiful. Another reason to convince you this is the fact that He creates us according to His image! If you were ugly, does it mean God is ugly then since you were created according to His image? Na-ah! Hey, don't piss Him off by having such poor paranoid thought! Everyone, you and me are included, is BEAUTIFUL!
Beauty is incomparable
Every person is beautiful in their own unique ways (trust me, our God is an awesomely creative Dude!) and thus beauty is incomparable. Just like you cannot juxtapose apple and orange, you cannot compare your beauty to someone else's. My beauty is different from yours. Say someone is very good at cooking, that's her beauty. You might not be as good at cooking neither you are a very good looking chick but you always listen to people when they need a friend to talk to- another form of beauty! You might be, size wise, a bit wider than other girls but your warm sincere smile cheers your peeps' days, won't you call it a beauty? Patience, forgiveness, humbleness, good sense of humor, sincerity, open-mindedness, passionate life, dedication, friendliness, and many other forms of beauty that I just cannot think of right now at almost 5am in the morning (I really should go to bed soon). Prettiness is enjoyed by the eyes, beauty is embraced by the heart It's not the question whether you are beautiful or not because you are 101% undeniably freaking beautiful. What matters is whether you can let your beauty shine or not!
"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart"
~Kahlil Gibran
"Prettiness may fade as time goes by yet a shining beauty is well preserved in the heart"
~Angel Mogie
Let's be straightforward this time!
I believe that not everyone is pretty
Well, if everyone was pretty, everyone would be American top models. Or, there would not be such term as 'model'. Makes enough sense, I suppose. I do not regret the fact that I wasn't born as a physically very attractive girl. I used to do so, though. Well, not as extreme as 'regret' but I won't lie I often saddened by the fact that I wasn't born as pretty as my big sister. When I was little, I always compare myself to her. More aptly, people do compare us directly and indirectly. She has everything (Asian) girls want/ wish to have- cute pimple-free face, nice body, intelligence, strong characteristic, bright skin, nice slender legs, easy to manage hair, handsome boyfriend, and many others that I cannot recall now at 3.20am in the morning. Next to her, I felt like a shadow. That kind of feeling is indeed a yukie one, isn't it? Why do I have to be born not so pretty (if not ugly)?
Being pretty is not easy
As I grow older, I perceive life's facts better. Age gives one more angles in seeing one's and other's lives. My big sister is older than me (of course, duh Angel!). She also got the chance to face the world of young lads, earlier than me. From my naive 13 year-old perspective, I truly admired the fact that cute boys are always in line for her. Man, she just need to point one of them with her pinkie! (that's more and less what I thought). Then as I aged, entered senior high school, I also got the chance to be introduced to the complex world of the opposite sex. My line wasn't as long as my sister's for some obvious reasons. No surprise, coz I kind of expected that to happen. But hey, I was not upset or whatsoever. Always see the glass as half full, not half empty! I took lessons from what I see. Being pretty is a blessing yet is not an easy job. For my sister's case, I see how so many boys want to be her man. Many men equals hard to choose. Both the real gentlemen and the jerks are attracted to good looking laides = common sense. The good and the pretend-to-be-good lads are mixed up! Isn't it hard for a pretty girl to decide which one is really, in and out, a good one? Being pretty is a tough job (of course because the jerks do act up to be angelic when they want to get the hot chick!). For the not-so-pretty one, not a lot of boys in stock. The boy(s) that are attracted to her is/are likely to be so because of knowing her as a person aka her personality. My 'unprettiness' automatically eliminates the ones that were (could be) into me only for the sake of lust. The guys, the only few ones, that were attracted to me were those who see me as who I am, not what I am. As a result, not so many boys to choose from! See how much easier for me to pick the good one? If you are in the same situation as mine, be grateful for that!
Pretty is about relativity
Then as I got to meet more and more people and travel from a place to another, I came to a realization that prettiness is indeed relative to so many aspects aka "cantik itu relatif". If I were in the middle of America's top models, of course I would look like a lackey! But say I were in the middle of the "ugly" ones, I would surely look very pretty! But again, the term "ugly" itself is rather ambiguous. It depends on the society. Lighter skin is pretty for the Japanese, while the Westerns are obsessed with golden tanned skin. Most Asian girls believe that to be pretty means to be skinny. While in some African tribes, the plumper a girl the prettier she is. It's like a coin having two sides, each side has equal probability to occur: at a place you might be categorized as pretty yet at another place the chance that you will join the group of "ugly" people is just as big!
Yet I do believe that everyone is beautiful
Beauty is universal yet represented uniquely in each soul. I have heard many complaints form my friends, about the discouragement they feel for not being physically so attractive. I swear I do not bring this up so that I can blame them. Neither do I talk about this to show how strong of a girl I am or how humongous my confidence is. I just sincerely want to share my thoughts because I know exactly how it feels to feel that way. I believe our God is a fair God. He creates everyone to be beautiful. Another reason to convince you this is the fact that He creates us according to His image! If you were ugly, does it mean God is ugly then since you were created according to His image? Na-ah! Hey, don't piss Him off by having such poor paranoid thought! Everyone, you and me are included, is BEAUTIFUL!
Beauty is incomparable
Every person is beautiful in their own unique ways (trust me, our God is an awesomely creative Dude!) and thus beauty is incomparable. Just like you cannot juxtapose apple and orange, you cannot compare your beauty to someone else's. My beauty is different from yours. Say someone is very good at cooking, that's her beauty. You might not be as good at cooking neither you are a very good looking chick but you always listen to people when they need a friend to talk to- another form of beauty! You might be, size wise, a bit wider than other girls but your warm sincere smile cheers your peeps' days, won't you call it a beauty? Patience, forgiveness, humbleness, good sense of humor, sincerity, open-mindedness, passionate life, dedication, friendliness, and many other forms of beauty that I just cannot think of right now at almost 5am in the morning (I really should go to bed soon). Prettiness is enjoyed by the eyes, beauty is embraced by the heart It's not the question whether you are beautiful or not because you are 101% undeniably freaking beautiful. What matters is whether you can let your beauty shine or not!
"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart"
~Kahlil Gibran
"Prettiness may fade as time goes by yet a shining beauty is well preserved in the heart"
~Angel Mogie
Beauty vs Prettiness Part 1
It's been a while since the time I decided to write about these thoughts of mine regarding to this rather universal issue- Beauty (vs prettiness). I have been postponing to elaborate them on my blog for some reasons (including midterms, reasonable enough right?).
Couple of months ago I started reading a book I bought at a library in Columbus (I went there with you ko Bud, remember?! :) that I haven't manage to finish (as always..). Cannot recall the title or the author but I remember a quote saying: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I do agree. I agree that it is true. Yet I do agree that to bring such belief into practice is not a cup of tea. It is neither as easy nor as enjoyable as eating chili (for a chili freak like moi). Especially for girls, I'd say. In almost every society, regardless of race and tradition, females are often associated with prettiness. Disagree I do not, though I think most people seldom remember to correlate females with beauty- an aspect that, I believe, gives females their true values for being a woman.
It is still crystal clear in my mind how amazed I was to witness such breath taking view.
That night was the night after the snow storm, the bloody freezing week of +/- -5F. Some classes were canceled. None of mine was, too bad. Even worse, I still went to work in the library. The fact that snow and I aren't good friends is a public secret, I guess (my peeps are proly fed up w/ my complaints about how much I hate snow by now!). To have to still go working that night wasn't really pleasing and resulted in me regretting my decision to take the ten-to-midnight shifts on Mondays and Wednesdays. Ahhh, I hate snow and the cold weather. I hate it when it's so cold that I couldn't feel my nose anymore. As always, when the clock hits midnight,I would rush my way back to the dorm while listening to my iPod and quietly humming the songs. But that night, I was enchanted!
Twigs were frozen, leaves were elegantly rigour. The winter buds looked like sugar-coated red lollipops.Plus the not-so-bright yellow light from the postlamps, landed on them. Make the trees look like fairies wearing shimmering gowns. I was like, in the wonderland! Really, the rather ugly old postlamps were doing their best job that night. The trees were flickering and I was enchanted! I stopped walking and decided to watch a long branch that was bent, almost touching the ground, because of holding the heavy ice. It was tres belle! I touched the cold silky ice coated branch. My fingers were carefully exploring the frozen twigs, trying not to break any of them. I must look goofy for doing that. But no one was around anyway. So, yea, that was the first time I liked snow.lol. More that that, I learned an important lesson: just like snow that has always been my enemy could create such wonderful view, there's always a bright side of anything if I want to walk side by side with this someone called positive-minded.
I was glad that God, through nature, reminds me that being a moaner will never do me any good. Although, that was not the only lesson I drew from that captivating night. For some random reasons, I came up with thoughts about beauty and how it is different from being pretty.
Let's talk about that on a new post! Next..
(did not expect the interlude would be this long. lol)
Couple of months ago I started reading a book I bought at a library in Columbus (I went there with you ko Bud, remember?! :) that I haven't manage to finish (as always..). Cannot recall the title or the author but I remember a quote saying: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I do agree. I agree that it is true. Yet I do agree that to bring such belief into practice is not a cup of tea. It is neither as easy nor as enjoyable as eating chili (for a chili freak like moi). Especially for girls, I'd say. In almost every society, regardless of race and tradition, females are often associated with prettiness. Disagree I do not, though I think most people seldom remember to correlate females with beauty- an aspect that, I believe, gives females their true values for being a woman.
It is still crystal clear in my mind how amazed I was to witness such breath taking view.
That night was the night after the snow storm, the bloody freezing week of +/- -5F. Some classes were canceled. None of mine was, too bad. Even worse, I still went to work in the library. The fact that snow and I aren't good friends is a public secret, I guess (my peeps are proly fed up w/ my complaints about how much I hate snow by now!). To have to still go working that night wasn't really pleasing and resulted in me regretting my decision to take the ten-to-midnight shifts on Mondays and Wednesdays. Ahhh, I hate snow and the cold weather. I hate it when it's so cold that I couldn't feel my nose anymore. As always, when the clock hits midnight,I would rush my way back to the dorm while listening to my iPod and quietly humming the songs. But that night, I was enchanted!
Twigs were frozen, leaves were elegantly rigour. The winter buds looked like sugar-coated red lollipops.Plus the not-so-bright yellow light from the postlamps, landed on them. Make the trees look like fairies wearing shimmering gowns. I was like, in the wonderland! Really, the rather ugly old postlamps were doing their best job that night. The trees were flickering and I was enchanted! I stopped walking and decided to watch a long branch that was bent, almost touching the ground, because of holding the heavy ice. It was tres belle! I touched the cold silky ice coated branch. My fingers were carefully exploring the frozen twigs, trying not to break any of them. I must look goofy for doing that. But no one was around anyway. So, yea, that was the first time I liked snow.lol. More that that, I learned an important lesson: just like snow that has always been my enemy could create such wonderful view, there's always a bright side of anything if I want to walk side by side with this someone called positive-minded.
I was glad that God, through nature, reminds me that being a moaner will never do me any good. Although, that was not the only lesson I drew from that captivating night. For some random reasons, I came up with thoughts about beauty and how it is different from being pretty.
Let's talk about that on a new post! Next..
(did not expect the interlude would be this long. lol)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Single Happy
I accidentally found this song.. recently into it coz I think it really fits me a lot! I am single and very happy! hehehehe :)
mereka bilang aku pemilih dan kesepian
terlalu keras menjalani hidup
beribu nasehat dan petuah yang diberikan
berharap hidupku bahagia
reff:
aku baik baik saja
menikmati hidup yang aku punya
hidupku sangat sempurna
I'm single and very happy
mengejar mimpi mimpi indah
bebas lakukan yang aku suka
berteman dengan siapa saja
I'm single and very happy
mereka bilang sudah saatnya karena usia
untuk mencari sang kekasih hati
tapi kuyakin akan datang pasangan jiwaku
pada waktu dan cara yang indah
back to reff
waktu terus berjalan tak bisa kuhentikan
kuinginkan yang terbaik untuk hidupku
back to reff
by. Oppie Andaresta
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7oJguYIIRI
mereka bilang aku pemilih dan kesepian
terlalu keras menjalani hidup
beribu nasehat dan petuah yang diberikan
berharap hidupku bahagia
reff:
aku baik baik saja
menikmati hidup yang aku punya
hidupku sangat sempurna
I'm single and very happy
mengejar mimpi mimpi indah
bebas lakukan yang aku suka
berteman dengan siapa saja
I'm single and very happy
mereka bilang sudah saatnya karena usia
untuk mencari sang kekasih hati
tapi kuyakin akan datang pasangan jiwaku
pada waktu dan cara yang indah
back to reff
waktu terus berjalan tak bisa kuhentikan
kuinginkan yang terbaik untuk hidupku
back to reff
by. Oppie Andaresta
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7oJguYIIRI
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
hmmm..
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
[kalo straightforward sih emang bener bgt.. hehehe]
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
[wah.. bener banget nihhh!! eh, "this makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes" oh really?lol]
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
[101% agree dah!]
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
[ahahaha.. sensible tactics! :D plenty of dates?? interesting..]
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
[hmmm.. kinda true. But at least I am not as geeky as I used to be loh.. hehe^^]
The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
[oh yea!]
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
[Definitely! I am a family oriented person! :)]
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
[hmmm.. 1st sentence rada bener. 2nd sentence, sometimes. 3rd sentence sih rada menyimpang sih.. heuheuhue]
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
[Last sentence itu bener2 I second the motion dah!]
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
[kalo straightforward sih emang bener bgt.. hehehe]
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
[wah.. bener banget nihhh!! eh, "this makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes" oh really?lol]
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
[101% agree dah!]
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
[ahahaha.. sensible tactics! :D plenty of dates?? interesting..]
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
[hmmm.. kinda true. But at least I am not as geeky as I used to be loh.. hehe^^]
The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
[oh yea!]
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
[Definitely! I am a family oriented person! :)]
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
[hmmm.. 1st sentence rada bener. 2nd sentence, sometimes. 3rd sentence sih rada menyimpang sih.. heuheuhue]
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
[Last sentence itu bener2 I second the motion dah!]
Friday, February 27, 2009
surprised, I am!
I just figured it out!!
I felt stupid
yet happy at the same time
I am glad I asked. Otherwise I proly would be haunted by that the whole break (which clearly won't make my break any fun!)
Thank God.
But oh well, again, we shall see..
Now I am officially in my 2 WEEKS of spring break!!! =)
I felt stupid
yet happy at the same time
I am glad I asked. Otherwise I proly would be haunted by that the whole break (which clearly won't make my break any fun!)
Thank God.
But oh well, again, we shall see..
Now I am officially in my 2 WEEKS of spring break!!! =)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Seven thoughts
Banyak bunga baru yang tumbuh
Namun yang kusuka hanya satu
Kuning kecil daffodil itu
Bagiku yang terindah walau cepat sekali layu
Musim panas tak bertahan dia
Musim dingin tiada bermekaran kuncupnya
Hujan musim semi membantunya berbunga
Walau hanya sesaat, ah kunikmati saja
Mendamba yang datang dan pergi sesuka hati
bagai mencoba memeluk awan, mengelus pelangi
Semua yang indah dan nyaman bagai mimpi di malam sunyi
Saat mentari terjaga dari tidurnya, lenyaplah ia bagai embun pagi
Mencinta yang tak pernah nyata, bagai bayang
Layaknya menggenggam pasir tuk kau bawa pulang
Lembut dan hangat dia setelah terbakar terik siang
Namun belum pula dipersimpangan, semua pasir sudah jatuh dan hilang
Sang pencinta sendiri bagai bayu dia
Laksana sungai mengalir saja menuruti bumi entah kemana
Satu yang pasti setelah semua perjalanan panjangnya
Akan berpadu dia dengan sang samudera, entah yang mana
Bila pujangga telah lelah merangkai kata
nama apakah yang akan diberikan padanya?
Cinta yang tulus itu tak terbagi, layaknya punjangga tak kan pernah habis kata
Hanya saja bisa berpindah semua puisi, lagu, dan cinta
Pada hati yang siap menerima dan mencinta setulus jiwa, entah siapa
Daffodil tak bisa hidup di atas pasir
Punjangga tak mungkin selamanya menggantung mimpi di awan
Bila sungai ini hendak mencapai hilir
dia bercabang, oh sekarang aku ada di persimpangan!
Namun yang kusuka hanya satu
Kuning kecil daffodil itu
Bagiku yang terindah walau cepat sekali layu
Musim panas tak bertahan dia
Musim dingin tiada bermekaran kuncupnya
Hujan musim semi membantunya berbunga
Walau hanya sesaat, ah kunikmati saja
Mendamba yang datang dan pergi sesuka hati
bagai mencoba memeluk awan, mengelus pelangi
Semua yang indah dan nyaman bagai mimpi di malam sunyi
Saat mentari terjaga dari tidurnya, lenyaplah ia bagai embun pagi
Mencinta yang tak pernah nyata, bagai bayang
Layaknya menggenggam pasir tuk kau bawa pulang
Lembut dan hangat dia setelah terbakar terik siang
Namun belum pula dipersimpangan, semua pasir sudah jatuh dan hilang
Sang pencinta sendiri bagai bayu dia
Laksana sungai mengalir saja menuruti bumi entah kemana
Satu yang pasti setelah semua perjalanan panjangnya
Akan berpadu dia dengan sang samudera, entah yang mana
Bila pujangga telah lelah merangkai kata
nama apakah yang akan diberikan padanya?
Cinta yang tulus itu tak terbagi, layaknya punjangga tak kan pernah habis kata
Hanya saja bisa berpindah semua puisi, lagu, dan cinta
Pada hati yang siap menerima dan mencinta setulus jiwa, entah siapa
Daffodil tak bisa hidup di atas pasir
Punjangga tak mungkin selamanya menggantung mimpi di awan
Bila sungai ini hendak mencapai hilir
dia bercabang, oh sekarang aku ada di persimpangan!
Monday, February 23, 2009
just feel like Kahlil Gibran-ing
After talking over the phone to D about poetry and writing, I felt like Kahlil Gibran-ing for a while before going back to study. Two beautiful poems by the greatest poet ever. Enjoy!
LOVE
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
JOY AND SORROW
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
okay, now I'll focus on studying!
LOVE
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
JOY AND SORROW
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
okay, now I'll focus on studying!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Bimbang
Song & lyrics by Melly Goeslaw
Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan
Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci
Pejamkan mata bila
kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada
disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa
namun ada yang hilang separuh diriku
Recently re-sang by me (acoustic guitar by Alwyn Aliwarga) at Permias valentine Party
Feb, 13th 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Np4iXDtP0
Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan
Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci
Pejamkan mata bila
kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada
disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa
namun ada yang hilang separuh diriku
Recently re-sang by me (acoustic guitar by Alwyn Aliwarga) at Permias valentine Party
Feb, 13th 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Np4iXDtP0
Monday, February 16, 2009
aku kangen kalian.. :(
Vous me manquez, maman, papa, ma soeur et mes freres! vous me manquez tres mal! gosh..
can't believe I won't be home until Christmas 09.
anyhow, that conversation with J really bothers my mind now. I thought that was just purely me guessing. But if so, how come J suddenly came up with that idea, without me speaking a single word about it? Could it be that it's true then? If so, how should I respond? It's pretty sudden, kind of.. Ummm, not really actually. But, oh well, I think taking it easy would be the wisest decision. New pages to write? We shall see..
Ko Bud is leaving.. I wish you all the best in life ko! Thanks for being a panutan to me! God loves you and so do I :)
can't believe I won't be home until Christmas 09.
anyhow, that conversation with J really bothers my mind now. I thought that was just purely me guessing. But if so, how come J suddenly came up with that idea, without me speaking a single word about it? Could it be that it's true then? If so, how should I respond? It's pretty sudden, kind of.. Ummm, not really actually. But, oh well, I think taking it easy would be the wisest decision. New pages to write? We shall see..
Ko Bud is leaving.. I wish you all the best in life ko! Thanks for being a panutan to me! God loves you and so do I :)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
30 hari mencari Tuhan
**quoted from our CG facebook group- steak & shake 2009 (pporly named eh?!lol). I am so excited about this program! After sebulan puasa Daniel, skrg 30 hari SATE. I am so glad to be part of these two activities for I do believe that to grow stronger in Him I need to be discipline in following Him first. And doing such activities in group surely gives me more motivation!
Hi peepz...
Want to post something up on our new program called "30 hari mencari Tuhan"...so original i know..hahah
Background: Selama sebulan ini kita di caregroup belajar mengenai God's plan versus Our plan...seperti yang kita pelajarin bahwa God's plan itu is always the best plan for us...cuman the big question remains: "how do we know God's plan?" the answer is...we have to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?...dalam bahasa sehari hari: kita musti punya hubungan yang intim dengan Tuhan. Seperti layaknya hubungan kita dengan orang lain, suatu hubungan itu memerlukan komunikasi, hang out time, giving time,sacrifice de el el....kalo kata Janet..and I quote..."yah..sama kalo kita lagi pacaran deh.." So sebagai salah satu bentuk aplikasinya, kita mau strenghten our personal relationship with our Lord dengan melakukan quiet time/devotional time tiap hari...
The Challenge: The challenge is called 30 hari mencari Tuhan. Semua anggota cg musti melakukan quiet/devo time tiap hari selama 30 hari straight tanpa bolong. Bentuk dari quiet/devo timenya terserah kalian, but musti involve at least the bible and a prayer...(doa makan doesn't count)....setiap minggu melalui acara cg and facebook (khususnya yang melakukan LD care group), i will ask everybody of how they're doing with the program...Let me give you an example:
Example: say kalo kita start hari senin (hari ke 1), trus hari sabtunya (hari ke 6) gue nanya (di acara cg or di facebook), "sapa yang bolong?" and then...Lina says " gue missed hari kamis"...berarti...hari sabtu itu menjadi hari ke 2...dalam kata lain...kalo ada salah satu dari kita yang miss, kita mulai lagi dari awal...kuncinya semua anggota ga boleh madol 30 hari straight...
Prize: it's never fun without a prize. So, kalo semua anggota berhasil melakukan quiet/devo time 30 days straight without madol, at the end of the program I will treat everyone out to dinner. Janji ini ga bakalan fast food. Buat yang LD, this applies to you as well. Next time I see you, I will treat you dinner.
So that's it...30 hari mencari Tuhan is on the way...kita bakal mulai besok senin (February 9 2009). Kalo ada pertanyaan, post it up in this discussion board and we'll answer it.
Have fun guys and gals!
-Tries Nainggolan
Hi peepz...
Want to post something up on our new program called "30 hari mencari Tuhan"...so original i know..hahah
Background: Selama sebulan ini kita di caregroup belajar mengenai God's plan versus Our plan...seperti yang kita pelajarin bahwa God's plan itu is always the best plan for us...cuman the big question remains: "how do we know God's plan?" the answer is...we have to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?...dalam bahasa sehari hari: kita musti punya hubungan yang intim dengan Tuhan. Seperti layaknya hubungan kita dengan orang lain, suatu hubungan itu memerlukan komunikasi, hang out time, giving time,sacrifice de el el....kalo kata Janet..and I quote..."yah..sama kalo kita lagi pacaran deh.." So sebagai salah satu bentuk aplikasinya, kita mau strenghten our personal relationship with our Lord dengan melakukan quiet time/devotional time tiap hari...
The Challenge: The challenge is called 30 hari mencari Tuhan. Semua anggota cg musti melakukan quiet/devo time tiap hari selama 30 hari straight tanpa bolong. Bentuk dari quiet/devo timenya terserah kalian, but musti involve at least the bible and a prayer...(doa makan doesn't count)....setiap minggu melalui acara cg and facebook (khususnya yang melakukan LD care group), i will ask everybody of how they're doing with the program...Let me give you an example:
Example: say kalo kita start hari senin (hari ke 1), trus hari sabtunya (hari ke 6) gue nanya (di acara cg or di facebook), "sapa yang bolong?" and then...Lina says " gue missed hari kamis"...berarti...hari sabtu itu menjadi hari ke 2...dalam kata lain...kalo ada salah satu dari kita yang miss, kita mulai lagi dari awal...kuncinya semua anggota ga boleh madol 30 hari straight...
Prize: it's never fun without a prize. So, kalo semua anggota berhasil melakukan quiet/devo time 30 days straight without madol, at the end of the program I will treat everyone out to dinner. Janji ini ga bakalan fast food. Buat yang LD, this applies to you as well. Next time I see you, I will treat you dinner.
So that's it...30 hari mencari Tuhan is on the way...kita bakal mulai besok senin (February 9 2009). Kalo ada pertanyaan, post it up in this discussion board and we'll answer it.
Have fun guys and gals!
-Tries Nainggolan
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Passion or ambition?
When I was younger I always said (or convinced my self and, possibly, others) that "I will get whatever I want if I fight for it!"
Things were more predictable when you are less aged, I indeed second this motion! Goals were easier to achieve as long as one dares to put as much effort as possible, even better if supported with perfectionism. That's what I used to be and to think, I'd say. But that's not quite true though. Sometimes, some failures are just unavoidable regradless the amount of sacrifice one put. And the lessons from those failure aren't always crystal clear. In fact, most of them are just naturally long-term lessons that come with pains. It's neither the easiness of goals nor the works I put that makes things seem to be more under control in the past and not so much now. The older you are, the more knowledge you gain (any type of knowledge!). Suprisingly yet ironically, the more knowledge I gain leads me to the realization on how less knowledgeable I am!
As one's age increases, one's thoughts expand. The more people I meet, broader activities I am engaged in, increased tasks yet less resting time, more complex conversations, greater freedom and responsibilities. All those aspects I am dealing now, that I did not face when I was younger, teach me that "necessary" is not quite the same as "sufficient". Age will lead people to see their goals as a big puzzle frame, instead of stressing so much on each puzzle piece. To start seeing success as a life journey and not a final destination is like a watershed moment from leaving the "naive perfectionist" and becoming a "realistic high-aimer". I guess, in my early 20s, I am still far away from being a mature, wise and emotionally stable woman. As my age progresses, I am hoping that, from the school of life, I will be able to learn to distingusih which of my needs/ interests are necessary and which are sufficient.
Let's put those thoughts aside and talk about the main thing I actually wanted to talk about in this post (as always, it takes at least one paragaph to be straight forwardly writting about the main messages). These nine research papers I am reading now- they take forever! I need to deal with them in order to come up with a good research proposal and thus get the summer science research I have been wanting for! While reading, I was wondering- do I really want to do this?. I try to connect this one educational goal of mine to my thought about the "necessary and sufficinet" issue, and , as a result, this bothering thought came to my mind: Am I doing this for the sake of passion or for the goodness of passion's half-sister aka ambition?. If it's passion that foregrounds my goal, how big is it? Is it big enoguh that, if I get the summer scinece, it will bring as much enjoyment as knowledge to me? What about if it is actually ambition, purely ambition? People often say that ambition usually prevents someone from knowing her/ his true passion of life. Is that bad then? My summer project might suck then, right?! Or, say it is a combination of both passion and ambition.. Do I have each of them equally? If I have more of ambition than passion or vice versa, what are the pros and cons?
*does it mean: the older you are, the more paranoid you become?
Things were more predictable when you are less aged, I indeed second this motion! Goals were easier to achieve as long as one dares to put as much effort as possible, even better if supported with perfectionism. That's what I used to be and to think, I'd say. But that's not quite true though. Sometimes, some failures are just unavoidable regradless the amount of sacrifice one put. And the lessons from those failure aren't always crystal clear. In fact, most of them are just naturally long-term lessons that come with pains. It's neither the easiness of goals nor the works I put that makes things seem to be more under control in the past and not so much now. The older you are, the more knowledge you gain (any type of knowledge!). Suprisingly yet ironically, the more knowledge I gain leads me to the realization on how less knowledgeable I am!
As one's age increases, one's thoughts expand. The more people I meet, broader activities I am engaged in, increased tasks yet less resting time, more complex conversations, greater freedom and responsibilities. All those aspects I am dealing now, that I did not face when I was younger, teach me that "necessary" is not quite the same as "sufficient". Age will lead people to see their goals as a big puzzle frame, instead of stressing so much on each puzzle piece. To start seeing success as a life journey and not a final destination is like a watershed moment from leaving the "naive perfectionist" and becoming a "realistic high-aimer". I guess, in my early 20s, I am still far away from being a mature, wise and emotionally stable woman. As my age progresses, I am hoping that, from the school of life, I will be able to learn to distingusih which of my needs/ interests are necessary and which are sufficient.
Let's put those thoughts aside and talk about the main thing I actually wanted to talk about in this post (as always, it takes at least one paragaph to be straight forwardly writting about the main messages). These nine research papers I am reading now- they take forever! I need to deal with them in order to come up with a good research proposal and thus get the summer science research I have been wanting for! While reading, I was wondering- do I really want to do this?. I try to connect this one educational goal of mine to my thought about the "necessary and sufficinet" issue, and , as a result, this bothering thought came to my mind: Am I doing this for the sake of passion or for the goodness of passion's half-sister aka ambition?. If it's passion that foregrounds my goal, how big is it? Is it big enoguh that, if I get the summer scinece, it will bring as much enjoyment as knowledge to me? What about if it is actually ambition, purely ambition? People often say that ambition usually prevents someone from knowing her/ his true passion of life. Is that bad then? My summer project might suck then, right?! Or, say it is a combination of both passion and ambition.. Do I have each of them equally? If I have more of ambition than passion or vice versa, what are the pros and cons?
*does it mean: the older you are, the more paranoid you become?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tips for Better Life
**Sentences in "bold" shows my agreement, in "italic" indicates comments
1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games. such as??
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.(besides school textbooks, I believe)
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.okay, i'll try!
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. trying really hard to do so!!!!
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
38. Share this with someone you care about (Click the "Share" link below)
For more on wonderful happiness ideas, please join the group "The Happiest Day of Your Life"
http://groups.to/happiness
1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games. such as??
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.(besides school textbooks, I believe)
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.okay, i'll try!
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. trying really hard to do so!!!!
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
38. Share this with someone you care about (Click the "Share" link below)
For more on wonderful happiness ideas, please join the group "The Happiest Day of Your Life"
http://groups.to/happiness
Sunday, January 4, 2009
2009
It is insane how fast time goes by! All those memories from my winter break last year are still in my mind, crystal clear, and now my 2008 winter break is already going towards its end.
Yesterday, we had CG at Ko Tries' place. Each of us got to share something about what we experienced in 2008. I said, for me, 2008 was an interesting year. There were many excitements that I embraced and, at the same time, took lessons of. There were many downs as well, but surely I found a better angle of seeing my relationship with God through those tough times.
Dec 2008, it is my third time spending Christmas without my family. If on those old days I used to feel bored, if not complain, about our family's Christmas rituals, now I kind of miss them. Visiting my grandparents and the older and relatives (this one is what me and my siblings hesitate the most.lol), open house-ing (aka eating from plate to plate until you feel like vomiting to see food!),get very tired when we reach home, wake up late the next day and eat out for a family lunch or, if we are too lazy, mom will cook something, then we'll have lunch in our pajamas..
I forgot that I was homesick until then.
Was talking over the phone with mommy couple of days ago and I was surprised that they're going to have an open house! That is going to be the first open house ever since we moved to Manado! Usually, we would only visit other families, the older ones. But this time we are having one! Ahhh.. to bad I had to miss it!
About my bro's plan to get married sometimes this year, I am so excited! :) God, I pray that You lead my bro so he'll marry the one that is best from You. Amen.
My little bro is now in the choir and prayer ministries of the youth. I was enlightened to know such joyful news. I have always been praying that God will draw him close to Him and I want to thank You for your care to my beloved little bro!
My biggest gratitude oh Lord, is the second chance you gave me. That thing that I did really was non right and I knew it did not please your heart. I promise to use the opportunity you gave to its most! I realize that one of the ways to be grateful of Your blessings is that by using them to the most and be blessings to others. And I realized that I had been lacking of doing that in 2008. For such lame attitude of mine, taking Your care and blessings for granted, I want to truly apologize.
It was hard for me to come up with a new year resolution. I felt like I had to make too many resolutions and to pick just one/ some of them is just as hard as to eat raisins. I could not decide. Yet God helped me to choose and prioritize what ought to be prioritized! For sure, the connection between the Bible reading in CG and at church was not only an accident. I knew God wanted to tell me what resolution I should have through the Bible sharing shared by Ko Tries and Pastor Yo. He longs for neither money nor talent, He just want my heart. God-centered, that is what my 2009 resolution should be. And it is more than just believing in Him. It's rather a trust, trusting in His plans in my life. I know it's hard, I know, as human, I tend to plan what my life should be in the future. But if truth to be told to myself, I have come this far with all the great chances I have had in my life, they were never in my plan! Not even a single one! They were all God's works that are upheld by His mercy and care. So, how could I now not counting on Him? Why should I not FULLY trust in him? Really, I do not have enough reason to take over the steer!
I think what I need to do is just to close my eyes and start to see Him with my heart. And that's my resolution for 2009!
Yesterday, we had CG at Ko Tries' place. Each of us got to share something about what we experienced in 2008. I said, for me, 2008 was an interesting year. There were many excitements that I embraced and, at the same time, took lessons of. There were many downs as well, but surely I found a better angle of seeing my relationship with God through those tough times.
Dec 2008, it is my third time spending Christmas without my family. If on those old days I used to feel bored, if not complain, about our family's Christmas rituals, now I kind of miss them. Visiting my grandparents and the older and relatives (this one is what me and my siblings hesitate the most.lol), open house-ing (aka eating from plate to plate until you feel like vomiting to see food!),get very tired when we reach home, wake up late the next day and eat out for a family lunch or, if we are too lazy, mom will cook something, then we'll have lunch in our pajamas..
I forgot that I was homesick until then.
Was talking over the phone with mommy couple of days ago and I was surprised that they're going to have an open house! That is going to be the first open house ever since we moved to Manado! Usually, we would only visit other families, the older ones. But this time we are having one! Ahhh.. to bad I had to miss it!
About my bro's plan to get married sometimes this year, I am so excited! :) God, I pray that You lead my bro so he'll marry the one that is best from You. Amen.
My little bro is now in the choir and prayer ministries of the youth. I was enlightened to know such joyful news. I have always been praying that God will draw him close to Him and I want to thank You for your care to my beloved little bro!
My biggest gratitude oh Lord, is the second chance you gave me. That thing that I did really was non right and I knew it did not please your heart. I promise to use the opportunity you gave to its most! I realize that one of the ways to be grateful of Your blessings is that by using them to the most and be blessings to others. And I realized that I had been lacking of doing that in 2008. For such lame attitude of mine, taking Your care and blessings for granted, I want to truly apologize.
It was hard for me to come up with a new year resolution. I felt like I had to make too many resolutions and to pick just one/ some of them is just as hard as to eat raisins. I could not decide. Yet God helped me to choose and prioritize what ought to be prioritized! For sure, the connection between the Bible reading in CG and at church was not only an accident. I knew God wanted to tell me what resolution I should have through the Bible sharing shared by Ko Tries and Pastor Yo. He longs for neither money nor talent, He just want my heart. God-centered, that is what my 2009 resolution should be. And it is more than just believing in Him. It's rather a trust, trusting in His plans in my life. I know it's hard, I know, as human, I tend to plan what my life should be in the future. But if truth to be told to myself, I have come this far with all the great chances I have had in my life, they were never in my plan! Not even a single one! They were all God's works that are upheld by His mercy and care. So, how could I now not counting on Him? Why should I not FULLY trust in him? Really, I do not have enough reason to take over the steer!
I think what I need to do is just to close my eyes and start to see Him with my heart. And that's my resolution for 2009!
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