Daddy, I am doing alright :)

Recently, I just had a long chat with my dad. It was a nice heart to heart talk. But that time, the conversation was kind of unusual compare to the ones we’ve had previously. He wasn’t talking about how much he missed me, about how much he longed for my jayusness and for my manjaness.hehe.. Neither did him complaining about how much he missed dijahilin ama gua. Huehuehue..( he has lost his ‘ngusilin org’ partner since I’ve been abroad.. poor daddy..). He picked a different ‘topic of the day’ on that day!

At the beginning he asked me about school, freinds and if my winter break was fun. We also talked about my plan for grad school, plans for summer break and other issues about life in general. Then (can't remember when exactly, how and why) he suddenly talked about ‘my future’. He started with teasing me that I have got a boyfriend but just didn’t want to tell him or mom. I kept on saying no (well, because that’s the truth. Though I laughed so much coz it was funny and that made him think that I was joking.haha), he kept on teasing me and at some point used my mom’s old joke- “Kamu dah punya cowo French kan.. makanya ngebet banget pengen belajar French..” hahahha.. aih aih.. -_-.

Then he moved into a serious conversation..
Intinya, my daddy afraid ttg gua n cici gua in this same matter- boy! Cici gua trlalu sering n cepet deket ma cowo, guanya terlalu jarang n rada susah deket ma cowo. Haha.. He was afraid that my sis will get married ‘too quickly’, before she’s actually ready for it and.. he was afraid that I will get married ‘too late’ because of focusing on education and/or career too much. Aih aih.. kasian banget ngga sih daddy gua?! Haha.. But well, after my long explanation to him about what my reasons (for bewaring of boys so much) are and why I choose to live my life that way, daddyku jadi tenang :) Also, I told him ttg how big my eagerness to have a lovely family and to become a good wife&mom besides my great passion for becoming a successful doctor. This pleased him even more.

Towards the end of our ‘adult’ conversation (lol), he said something that gladdened me- “Angel, papa sudah lepas angel semenjak Angel masih 16 tahun. Kadang papa suka sedih juga, kalo ingat2 Angel berjuang sendiri di negri orang. Tapi semenjak Angel jauh dari mama dan papa, just now, papa bisa lihat that you have learnt a lot and you have grown up so much. Ini bikin papa sangat senang, bangga dan juga tenang..”. I still remember how overjoyed I was when I heard that. Gua bisa bikin papaku BANGGA dan SENANG. Moreover, I am so pleased with myself that gua bisa bikin papaku TENANG (with the fact that I am living far away from him). However, gua sadar banget, semua kalo tanpa campur tangan Tuhan ngga bakalan sampe bisa sejauh, se-‘under control’ and seindah skrg. Let me thank you again my Lord for all you have done in my life, for the joy, great companion and.. for a loving family :)

Happy BIrthday, Mom!!!

Apa yang kuberikan untuk mama
Untuk mama tersayang
Tak kumiliki sesuatu berharga
Untuk mama tercinta
Hanya ini kunyanyikan
Senandung lagu rinduku untuk mama
Hanya sebuah lagu sederhana
Yang kuberikan untukmu mama



Bon anniversaire ma belle mere! Happy birthday my beautiful mom!

Ngga kerasa udah ulang tahun mama lagi. Rasanya gua baru kemaren sibuk2 nyari kado buat ulangtahun mama yg ke 44. Eh, skrg udah ulang tahun yg ke 45! Sayang gua belon nemu kado yg pas buat mama.. hiksss T__T But at least I got a marvelous card for her^^ Well, since I couldnt send bday gifts for my bro n mom, Ive decided that (this year) I wont send gifts to the rest of my family members either! To make it fair for everyone!

Mom, thank you for everything! Though you might not ever read this.. But one thing for sure, everytime I start counting my blessings, I always count you twice! :)

Too many people said that we look alike.. Which I can understand why people said so, walaupun sebenarnya gua rasa gua sama mama ngga segituuuuuuuuuu miripnya kayak org2 bilang.

But, kadang gua suka bingung aja kalo sampe 'org dalam', kyk oma misalnya, masih suka salah gitu.. gua dikira mama, mama dikira gua. Pernah sekali mama lagi di toko niy. Trus pas oma datang. Oma heran gitu liat 'gua' dari samping- "Angel, kamu nggak ke sekolah??". Then mom 'berpaling' and answer "San ini, mi (mami, red)!" muahahaha..

Okay2, kalo oma masih understandable lah. Yah, itung2, udah tua kan. Mata dah rabun and memory udah rada nurun dikittt. cm dikit loh oma, dikit.. hehehehe :D (peace oma peace.hehehe.. love u oma ^^). But bokap gua masih suka salah juga. Cici gua nebeng2 juga.aih aih.. Gua ingat banget. Cici gua sambil jalan ke arah gua yg lagi nonton, ngomong gitu (as if gua tuh mama). Pas dia dah deket, dia kaget! Gua lsg bilang "Iya nak.. mari nonton bareng mama!" nyehehehe

Well, gua sih ngga mind kalo dibilang mirip mama! Wong mmg anak mama gitu, masa mo mirip tetangga sih! hehehe.. Malahan, Im glad kalo dibilang mirip mama. Kan itu artinya, kalo gua dah 40an nanti, gua bakalan awet muda kyk mama, iya ngga?! ;D

Once again, happy birthday mom!

xoxoxo
your sweet lil imp
v(^___^)v

Man can bulid a house but only woman can make it a home..





Mom..
You're a dependable source of comfort;
You're my cushion when I fall.
You help in times of trouble;
You support me whenever I call.

Rendang a la Madamoiselle Angel (^o^)v

Yes I eat a lot when I am not in mood!!!!! so what??? (-____-)

My mood has been going up & down drasticaly this week. It was a jolly happy but also fidgety week. So.. since the kitchen is now back (yeyyyyyyy^o^), I decided that I'll cook something nice to myself :)

I tried to do some french before I went for grocery shopping but I just couldnt make it. I was and (kinda) am mentally tired. Oh ya, on the way back to campus, I was listening to my ipod. Ngga tau kenapa bisa pas gitu lagu pertama yg gua play sama mood gua. A song by Dewa yg pas banget ma feeling gua saat itu. Aih aih.. made me feel awkwardly sad yet curious.

Gua masak rendang hr ini!! Yeyyyyy.. But well, since I am org manado, I decided to make it hot and spicy.hohohoho. I was too excited that I put too much chili. My rendang was bloody hot!!! But hell yeah it was très délicieux! ;) Gua sampe makan dua piring.. ufffff.. I had some difficulties to breath properly after eating my exclusive dinner. Though it was extremly hot, I kept eating the big chilies. Begitulah kalo makan pas lg kebawa emosi.. hahahahahha. I was abusing myself, poor me..

but ha! Rendang kali ini adalah the best rendang cooked by me ever! So glad and proud of ma self (^__^). Though gua modif dikit2. Selaen cabe, gua juga tambah sugar snaps to make it greeny and crunchy.hehehehe. nih fotonya ada d bwh..

They eat salad with cheese, I eat salad with chili sauce!

confused..

that's all i gotta say.

MYMP

Hmmmm..

Rada sakit nih hr ini. Well, sebenarnya dah kerasa dr kemaren sih pas sebelum ke kls malam. Trus, hr ini adalah hr yg panjaaaaaaaaang pula >_< ( full kls and actvties dr jam 8am-8pm with luch and dinner beaks as the only selingan..). But at least Bio class was interesting today and Bio lab wasnt a pain in my butt, which's sort of unusual.

Oh ya, kemaren gua nemu duet akustik yg lumayan keren sih (menurut gua..). Nama bandnya MYMP (which stands for MAKE YOUR MOMMA PROUD! Gila, nyeh banget nama bandnya..hehe)
Gua suka guitar playingnya, n suara voklais cewenya bening banget. so nice ^^
sebnarnya si Ian dah pernah maksa gua dengar lagu mereka sih, yg judulnya especially for you. but gua malas aje wkt itu.hehehe.. gua pikir pasti cheezy banget. soale yg ngusulin si Ian gitu loh (my titi yg endut and rada2 dodol.hahahaha :D peace2 bro!! ;p)
coba deh buka link d bawah ini n denger beberapa lagunya..

http://profile.imeem.com/82HZlFb/music/DpTwoJLq/mymp_a_little_bit/

http://profile.imeem.com/fJWvme/music/j-aYnEcn/mymp_miss_you/

http://profile.imeem.com/2wEK5d/playlist/x9WT8QbN/all_mymp_songs_music_playlist/

well, selidik punya selidik, ternyata lagu2 yg dinyanyiin MYMP tuh lagu2 lama era 90s. mereka cm nyanyi ulang.. in mellowy sweet accoustic version :)
nih ada salah satu lgu 90s fve gua yg mereka nyanyi lg..

http://dorka-dorka.imeem.com/music/jyUidAX0/mymp_eternal_flame/


udah ah.. mo cabut ke kls dolo


a revoir!!

A passion that's nearly forgotten

I have been thinking about this lately.. just didn’t realize how much I miss it until today. During lunch, Caroline told us that she just added an Intro to Dance Class and how fun the first day of class was. I am missing it. I miss dancing. I miss the sweaty but exciting practice sessions, the harshness of the instructor (I mean, the perfectionist one), break time; socializing time, mess-your-partner-up-because-you-forget-whether-the-next-step-is-to-the-left-or-to-the-right time, putting on costume and make-up time (I bet this had been the most favourite section for the girls but not for the boys for an obvious reason. lol), being so nervous just 15 minutes before performing, and the performance under hot light spots, and the pictures, and the aftermath party, and.. the people.

I really long for those bits and pieces

Just a Saturday morning note

If I were a painter
I would paint my reverie
If that's the only way for you
to be with me..

( why I cant make those phrase above in italic?? :o/ )

Well, I am back to Norah Jones. After a very big crush on Matchbox 20 and Simple Plan, I am now back to 'normal' me.

Saturday morning (well, almost noon), just woke up and read the Bible. Feeling somewhat odd, Lord have mercy on me.. Just did a bit french hw, planning to be a big geek today!!

Okie, gotta go for lunch.

Funny Orange

gambar ini bikin gua snyum2 sndiri..hehehe.(wlwpun suasana ht gua lg rada2 ngga enak seharian. uffffhhh..)

Self Reflection

September the 9th, 2007


Today, I saw people through my window
No faces seemed to be happy
I thought I knew the reason
It’s the weather. Yes, he is blamey
Crappy breeze that sets one’s soul like a widow

I am neither happy
Neither do I have the same reason not to be so
Just as much as I miss to be sincerely jolly
Deeply I long for my dearest family too

Never had I said a regret of HIS work
It’s just too much to bear, it is indeed
No pride no name, no either I seek
Don’t want to be blue that’s what I am in need

Often I remember a say of the wise men;
There is no gain without pain
The soul will have no rainbow
If the eyes have no tears

Eventually I realized
How too blessed I am to weep for
Trinity that fondly lead
Preparing my future, counting my tear

The rain has stopped
I looked again through the window
No one passed by. No rainbow
But then I saw a sweet calming spring
When I bravely decided to look through the window inside me

HE sets my soul alight!
I found a better angle, yes I did!

First day of school..

Mumpung baru masuk sekolah, kerjaan belom banyak, nulis2 dulu ahhh.. ^^


Hari ini snow.
Ya udah.. segitu aja untuk kali ini.





Hahahaha.. rese banget nggak sih?! hehehe ;p

Hari ini hr pertama masuk skul afer winter break. Walaupun rada2 dingin, but I felt very warm inside. Not so sure why but it's still good :)
I was kinda lost in the morning. In terms of not yet getting the feeling of 'being a college folk' back! Im trying to grasp the spirit- the more motivated one! French class was my breakfast. Nothing new, same prof, same class mates. Oh ya, one of the chaps dyed her hair. She is TOTALY BLONDE now. I was kinda surprised coz honestly I think her brunette hair was much better. Then continued to Bio Genetics class- new prof, looks like she is not as hyper as the previous one I had in Bio 113 [I'll miss prof Gillen.. :( ]. Chamber was the most enjoyable one. After a month dealing nothing with music scores, it took me sometimes to get used to read those little black dots again. Well, I lied- some of them are actually white! Lucky me, we didnt start this semester with Bach. Doc picked three quite relaxing and rather mellow songs for the reharsal today- which was unusual, in my opinion (or let's say it was a new year present :D). Otherwise, I would have gotten Doc's funny smile with his eyes dilated for having an idiot looking (mengap2 kayak ikan.. haha). Having the 'hot spot' isnt always entertaining, esp in a choir. Dude, I still can getthis.. how can Doc put me almost exactly in front of him??!! I am not that short, come on! But in fact, I am one of the shortest in the group. hikz..

Oh ya, the post office made my day!! Well, actually not the post office. but since without the post office it wouldnt have happened, so nggak papa lah sekali2 showing more grtitude to the Post Office and its men! I got a parcel!! Yayyyyy.. It was supposed to be my b'day present but then they decided to just make it a Christmas gift coz they posted it way too late.lol. But it's okay. It's the love attached to it that matters ^_^
It's Mim and Jen, my 1st yee roomies in UK, who sent me the parcel. Again, I thanked God for the great sisterhood! They sent me a b'day card, letters, necklace and a package of DRIED SALTY PLUM!! Man, this last one brought back all those memories. Pendeknya- roomie gua nggak suka (n nggak pernah liat sebelumnya) asinan plum. One day, I got one from an asian store in cardiff and brougth it back to AC. Tadinya mereka nggak mau. Pokoke tiga2nya anti banged, katanya aneh! Trus gua paksa suruh coba satu.hehhee.. ehhh, akhirnya 2 of them malah jatuh cinta ma salty plum. Malah mereka yg abisin asinan plum gua.hahha.. Lebih parah lagi si Mim, dia prnh sampe nunggu aku pulang dr social service, nunggu d kamar nggak ke mana2 krn mau minta salty plum! hahha.. now you are addicted to it, dewd! lol. They always teased me, saying that indonesians eat bizarre stuff. Yet they admited that I have a gud taste of food.hehhe..

udah dulu ah.. rencananya mo nulis pendek malah jd kepanjangan.. (-___-)

I want a baby!!

Today was a nice day.. Jalan2 d Easton (again..) though I didnt realy buy anything for myself. Well, i have done ENOUGH shopping! Man, seumur2 baru kali ini gua shopping gila2an. But, masih ada yg belon kesampean sih; gaun merah yg di Macy's! haha :D. Dewd, that gown's just too good! J'aime ca!! Tres tres beaucoup!!! Mais, it's ok lah.. Kalo gua jadi beli, kapan juga pakenya?!hehe.. Yang penting dah puas foto2! ^.^

Ibadah hari ini di rumah Ci Irma juga was so nice. Though I didnt attend the sharing, I enjoyed the praise n worship bit! Anak2 kecil banyak banged! Made me happy even though merekanya rusuh abizz!! But I just love little kids, sampe gua tadi rasanya pengen punya baby gitu! haha.. Tapi butuh bokapnya.. trus bokapnya siapa? pacar aja kagak punya? haha.. dah mulai ngawur niy.hehe :D nanti lah, kalo udah waktunya, gua mau punya anak yg buanyaaaaaaaaaaaak biar bisa bikin regu sepak bola, regu basket ama team choir ^_^ hahaha.. banyak bueneeeer.. guanya yg sengsara. melahirkan kayak lg diare aje.. lol

Share hr ini ttg intimacy in marriage (ehmmm..).. Gua cmn ikut bentar aja sih.. sitting in the middle of married couples made me feel geli sendiri aja.. haha. A saying that I realy like's "Success is not a destination, it's a journey! A life journey!"
The rest of the time there gua ngurusin anak2 yg lompat sana sini, thank God ngga sendiri but barenk Yoni. Ada yg rebutan balon, nangis krn kena apa, lompat2 nggak bisa diem, naek kursi tinggi sampe bikin gua lari berkali2 to rescue her (dianya sih sebenarnya kagak mau di rescue kalee..lol), some ngerjain Yoni, dia dijadiin kuda.. haha, ada si Glenn yg duduk deket gua, nyanderin kepalanya ke gua sambil nonton TV, ohhh.. love him. Sekali2 ko Bubud naek buat nenengin krn kita beduanya udah ngga bedaya..uffff..
Pas si Devinnya pipis n butuh tissue, eh tissuenya abis! Nah loh, ko bubud kabur!! hehe..

Hari ini, hari terakhir liburan winter gua. Kagak terasa dah mau balik Kenyon lagi. I thank God for a fab winter break. Although, gua natalan n tahun baruan jauh dr keluarga tersayaaaaaaaaang.. but Tuhan berikan gua keluarga di Columbus yg nggak kalah top juga! ^_^

I think Im ready to fight!

Ce n'est pas bien!!!

THEY SAY "WELL, TOO BAD.."

AND I SAY "IT'S NOT TOO BAD!! IT'S ANNOYING!!"

YEAH, HOW CAN ONE NOT BE THWARTED- AFTER ONE WROTE A LONG POST AND THE POST JUST SUDDENLY VANISHED WITH NO REASON..

Old Feeling

The sound of rustling silk stilled,
with dust the marble coutyard filled.
No footfalls on the floor,
Fallen leaves in the heaps block up the door

For he, my pride,
my lovely one is lost
And I am left,
in hopeless anguish tossed.

The empty houses are cold,
still,
without sound.

I long for the most gentleman one,
how can I attain my desire?

Pain bursts my heart..
there is no peace.
i'm still waitin' here..
with my most unfavourable 'angel' soul


-jay

I eat a lot when Im in this funny-but-somehow-odd-yet-interestingly-disgusting-that-keeps-me-from-the-real-me-or-is-it-actually-the-real-me-? feeling!

Aduh.. kenapa nih dari kemaren kok bawaannya emoooo mulu! Somehow sebel juga nih. But well, dat's the art of life, I guess. Oh well, it better be!

Recently, I just had an interesting conversation with someone. Awalnya dia bilang, "Jay, kenapa yah, aku lagi merasa pengen punya pacar?". Then I simply answered, "That's okay. It's normal, lah. Namanya juga anak muda."



Then, I wondered..

Why I hardly feel that way? Bukannya aku kecewa or gimana dengan me being that way. Im just curious about that side of my being. I hardly feel like 'I need a boyfriend', or 'I want a boy who cares about me'. Or, versi extremnya, 'I am tired of being a jomblo abadi' lol. I just wonder why I rarely feel those stuff that 'normal girls' usually feel.. Am I too cold? I dont think so.. Am I too picky? I dont think so either.. Or maybe krn aku ini kelewatan jayus ye?! haha.. whateva..

Anyway, aku mengucap syukur dengan DNA "nggak-pernah-desperate-pengen-punya-pacar" yang diberikan Tuhan dalam cel-celku. Krn aku tahu, sulit loh ngontrol perasaan yg satu ini. N no one ever choose to be so. I have heard many stories yg membuat kau mengucap syukur ma Tuhan. Although, aku juga ngalamin, just like the others, yang namanya suka ma lawan jenis, getting in a crush yg bisa bikin aku senyam nyum sendiri, daydreaming about sumone, and other flowery stuff. Yang membuatku mearasa lucky banget, Tuhan selalu ada di balik kemudi hatiku. Hopefully my special DNA will keep on trascribing and translating in my cell forever and never get mutated ;D.
Well, I understand if, to some people, this sounds awkward or sounds like angel-wanna-look-like-a-strong-girl, coz I myself is still kinda confused too.lol. Hey hey, but, wait.. Jangan dikira aku ini lesbian ye! Nggak lah.. Gini2 pernah punya pacar. Hehehe.. A manis-asem-asin-almost-three-year-togetherness. That nearly 1095 days of comitted more-than-just-freinds friendship was rockly sweet, wasnt it, Ren? Of course I do enjoy being close to some male friends. Temen cowok, to me, sometimes bisa lebih mengerti aspek2 emosional yang temen cewek rada susah ngerti. Maybe karna sama2 cewe, we are looking from the same angle (with the same hormone). But boys, not all boys though, see it from a different angle (with different hormone. this really matters though..i think..).



Then, tiba2 temenku nanya lagi.. Pertanyaannya yang berikut membuat aku nggak bisa berlama2 memikirkan tentang pertanyaan sebelumya.. "Jay, alasan lo pengen punya pacar, apa sih?!"

I thinked for some seconds, then I said, "Kalo aku, krn aku pengen punya someone I can count on, someone I can trust. Juga, krn aku tipe org yg seneng do little surprises to those I love..".

Then she told me her answer of her own question.. It was different from mine (I wont mention it here cuz I dont think I am supposed to). And I love the way how people are so unique. This's what, I believe, gives colour to mother earth!

Her question reminded me of my ex-bf, again. Not that I still have those funny feeling to him. Weleh, kisah lama ya kisah lama..hehe. Just reminded me bahwa jatuh cinta itu kayak makan cabe kebanyakan- pedeeeeeeeees banget sampe bikin kepala puyeng but ueeeenak!! :)
My answer reminded me to reflect again what was the main line and the "klimaks cerita" of my sotry with the only bf I have ever had. More importantly, the lesson I took from our relationship. I believe, to be involved in such emotionaly attached relationship, one can actually help oneself to gain a better undersatanding of who one really is.. I tried to recall all those memories- why I decided to be his gf, why we broke up at the 1st time, and why we ended up our epic story and how could we did it in such a sweet, peaceful way. He might not be the best looking one, but he's indeed one of the, very few indeed, most sincere and faithful boys I have ever been very close to.

Many I learnt. I thank him for that, for bringing some puzzle pieces into my big puzzle frame. I thank HIM for opening my heart and let him in- coz I used to dislike him so much before I felt in love with him. I am glad that HE is taking care of my heart. It's a tough job loh, ngontrol perasaan kita, iya kan?! You can neither tell nor control when, where and with who you'll be in love. Kalo jatuh cintanya ma org yg salah, bisa berabe kan?! Let Jesus be my only mak comblang forever!!!