..I am currently in the dinning hall. Not eating, exactly.. I am studying for my PhiChem final (this coming Monday 6.30-9.30pm). Though I occasionally nyomot-nyomot when I feel like chewing.
Usually, during finals week, I will gain about 5-10 pounds due to overeating. Stressing out with academic stuff, for some reasons, wakens up my appetite monster in my gut. It is different currently though. I have been losing my appetite since about two weeks ago. Academically I am fine, besides my senior thesis that needs to be retouched. Emotionally, I am a wreck!
I just feel so done. So done living in the USA, so done with school. Just as much as I am tired of my routinity, I am also grateful for a great blaessing to be able to go to a prestigous school like Kenyon college-- which nickname is "Princeton of the Mid West" (never knew it until a patient, at a dental practice where I did my shadowing couple months ago, mentioned it). I am trully thankful for this opportunity. Please, do not get me wrong..
One thing that I learned from Kenyon academia: 1. If you like a course (like, ehm, Organic Chemistry) and you study hard for it.. it is not guaranteed that you'll get a kick-ass grade on that subject, 2. If you do not like a course, can hardly pay attention during the lecture, and have to chew many bubblegums to stay awake (like, ehm, Physical Chemistry) BUT if you study hard, you can possibly get an am-I-dreaming good grade. weird eh?
Ray is leaving.. Tuesday the 14th and I won't be able to call him whenever I want to, text him just because I am bored to death, ask him to go online ASAP, cry in front of him while we're webcam-ing and, within an hour or so, he'll be right next to me, hugging me closely.. giving my chubby cheeks some soft kisses.. He's my source of comfort, I won't deny it. God is my ultimate source of peace of mind, that is indisputable. But I really take joy in having to experience God's love through a human being, esp. through my beloved boy. I know he's not going that far, for he will always be in my heart and so will I in his heart. I am just too spoiled. Too much love can sometimes be unhealthy you see. It rots you! Hhhhhh..
Dental schools. Another issue that gives me real headache. we'll talk about it some other time.. I want my dinner.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
My Desember kelabu
Let it snow let it snow let me cry..
It's been a week, or maybe even more than a week.. I have been crying. Everyday. Not 24/7, but literally everyday. Once or twice, if not three times a day. My eyes do not look like human eyes anymore. They look rather like panda eyes, dark and puffy.
I HATE the feeling of losing. My heart just cannot handle such sorrow of losing three beloved people in less than a month. Janet and Ariel had moved on, taking bigger steps and opening new pages of their books of life. I skyped with Janet yesterday. She looked happy and relaxed, which she really deserved. I miss her.. Ariel has finally met her gf of 3 years. Having not to see each other since they started dating must been very tough. I am trully happy to see him so content being home. Meeting the ones he loves much. Ray, my source of comfort in cold Ohio and stressful Kenyon academia, is about to leave me alone. Leave me behind with another four-month full of not-so-fun school work and all the hassle of my last semester on this Hill. I wished he could be here for my last Philander Phling this coming Phebruary. I wished he would be here, celebrating with me his 23rd birthday. I wished he could be here for my graduation. But at least there's something to be lookinf forward for: Ray is visiting me at home this coming January. Finally he'll get the chance to meet with my family, am so excited! =)
Perhaps, God want me to learn. Or rather it's a reminder, that I should not stay in my comfort zone all the time. That I should learn to care about and dare to know others, others outside my "group".
to be continued..
It's been a week, or maybe even more than a week.. I have been crying. Everyday. Not 24/7, but literally everyday. Once or twice, if not three times a day. My eyes do not look like human eyes anymore. They look rather like panda eyes, dark and puffy.
I HATE the feeling of losing. My heart just cannot handle such sorrow of losing three beloved people in less than a month. Janet and Ariel had moved on, taking bigger steps and opening new pages of their books of life. I skyped with Janet yesterday. She looked happy and relaxed, which she really deserved. I miss her.. Ariel has finally met her gf of 3 years. Having not to see each other since they started dating must been very tough. I am trully happy to see him so content being home. Meeting the ones he loves much. Ray, my source of comfort in cold Ohio and stressful Kenyon academia, is about to leave me alone. Leave me behind with another four-month full of not-so-fun school work and all the hassle of my last semester on this Hill. I wished he could be here for my last Philander Phling this coming Phebruary. I wished he would be here, celebrating with me his 23rd birthday. I wished he could be here for my graduation. But at least there's something to be lookinf forward for: Ray is visiting me at home this coming January. Finally he'll get the chance to meet with my family, am so excited! =)
Perhaps, God want me to learn. Or rather it's a reminder, that I should not stay in my comfort zone all the time. That I should learn to care about and dare to know others, others outside my "group".
to be continued..
Friday, November 12, 2010
one Friday afternoon..
Angel Mogie meeting her advisor, Dr. Hicks, regarding her senior comps:
Dr. Hicks: "you know stressing out won't help, right?"
me: "yes.."
Dr. Hicks: "As your advisor, I ask you to have enough sleep this weekend. Promise me you are going to do that?
"me: "errrr.. I am not sure about that.."
Dr. Hicks: "Well, promise me you will eat, get enough food?"
me: "Oh yea! I can definitely do that!"
lesson learned: the more the schoolwork, the more the chance I am going to burst from over eating!
Dr. Hicks: "you know stressing out won't help, right?"
me: "yes.."
Dr. Hicks: "As your advisor, I ask you to have enough sleep this weekend. Promise me you are going to do that?
"me: "errrr.. I am not sure about that.."
Dr. Hicks: "Well, promise me you will eat, get enough food?"
me: "Oh yea! I can definitely do that!"
lesson learned: the more the schoolwork, the more the chance I am going to burst from over eating!
One of my favorite fruits
The health benefits of grapes include its ablity to treat constipation, indigestion, fatigue, kidney disorders, macular degeneration and prevention of cataract. Grapes, one of the most delicious fruits, are rich sources of vitamins A, C, B6 and folate in addition to essential minerals like potassium, calcium, iron, phosphorus, magnesium and selenium. Grapes contain flavonoids that are very powerful antioxidants, which can reduce the damage caused by free radicals and slacken ageing.
Grapes, owing to their high nutrient content, play an important role in ensuring a healthy and robust life.
Benefits: Some of the health benefits of grapes include the following:
Asthma: Due to its eminent therapeutic value, grapes can be used for cure of asthma. In addition to it, the assimilatory power of grapes is also higher. It increases the moisture present in lungs.
Heart diseases: Grapes increase the nitric oxide levels in the blood, which prevents blood clots thereby reducing the chances of heart attacks. In addition the antioxidant present in grapes prevents the oxidation of LDL cholesterol, which blocks the blood vessels.
Migraine: Ripe grape juice is an important home remedy for curing migraine. It should be taken early in the morning, without mixing additional water.
Constipation: Grapes are very effective in overcoming constipation. They are considered as a laxative food, as they contain organic acid, sugar and cellulose. They also relieve chronic constipation by toning up intestine and stomach.
Indigestion: Grapes play an important role in dyspepsia. They relieve heat and cure indigestion and irritation of the stomach. They are also preferred as they constitute a light food.
Fatigue: Light and white grape juice replenishes the iron content present in the body and prevents fatigue. Though, the dark grape juice might not give an iron boost and on the other hand, decrease the iron levels. Drinking grape juice also provides you with instant energy. The anti-oxidants present in grapes also provide the needed boost to your immune system.
Kidney disorders: Grapes can substantially reduce the acidity of the uric acid and helps in the elimination of the acid from the system, thereby reducing the work pressure of kidneys.
Breast cancer: Through a latest study, it has been discovered that purple colored Concord grape juice helps in preventing breast cancer. Significant reduction in mammary tumor mass of laboratory rats was seen after they were fed the grape juice on the experimental basis.
Alzheimer’s disease: Resveratrol, a beneficial polyphenol present in grapes reduces the levels of amyloidal-beta peptides in patients with Alzheimer's disease. Studies suggest that grapes can enhance brain health and stall the onset of neurodegenerative diseases.
Macular degeneration: Grapes can prevent the age related loss of vision or macular degeneration. Three servings of grapes a day can reduce the risks of macular degeneration by over 36 %.
Prevents cataract: Flavonoids present in grapes have antioxidants, which can reduce and fight the damage caused by free radicals such as cataract apart from cardiovascular diseases, cancer, and age related problems.
Blood cholesterol: Grapes contain a compound called pterostilbene, which has the capacity to bring down cholesterol level. Saponins present in grape skin can also prevent the absorption of cholesterol by binding with it.
Antibacterial activity: Red grapes have strong antibacterial and antiviral properties and can protect you from infections. They have a strong antiviral property against poliovirus and herpes simplex virus.
Anticancer properties: Grapes are found to have strong anti cancer properties due to the anti-inflammatory effect of resveratrol present in grapes. It is particularly effective in colorectal cancer and breast cancer. Anthocyanins and proanthocyanidins present in grapes have properties of an anti-proliferate and can inhibit the growth of cancer causing agents. Grape juice not just prevents the risk of cancer but also suppresses the growth and propagation of cancer cells. The pigments contained in grapes enhance the overall immunity of the body.
Thus, grapes play a pivotal role in preventing innumerable health disorders and can be used as home based remedies for several ailments. Dried grapes, known as raisins, are extremely nutritious and help in many disorders including constipation, acidosis, anemia, fever, sexual weakness and help in gaining weight and eye care.
Grapes, owing to their high nutrient content, play an important role in ensuring a healthy and robust life.
Benefits: Some of the health benefits of grapes include the following:
Asthma: Due to its eminent therapeutic value, grapes can be used for cure of asthma. In addition to it, the assimilatory power of grapes is also higher. It increases the moisture present in lungs.
Heart diseases: Grapes increase the nitric oxide levels in the blood, which prevents blood clots thereby reducing the chances of heart attacks. In addition the antioxidant present in grapes prevents the oxidation of LDL cholesterol, which blocks the blood vessels.
Migraine: Ripe grape juice is an important home remedy for curing migraine. It should be taken early in the morning, without mixing additional water.
Constipation: Grapes are very effective in overcoming constipation. They are considered as a laxative food, as they contain organic acid, sugar and cellulose. They also relieve chronic constipation by toning up intestine and stomach.
Indigestion: Grapes play an important role in dyspepsia. They relieve heat and cure indigestion and irritation of the stomach. They are also preferred as they constitute a light food.
Fatigue: Light and white grape juice replenishes the iron content present in the body and prevents fatigue. Though, the dark grape juice might not give an iron boost and on the other hand, decrease the iron levels. Drinking grape juice also provides you with instant energy. The anti-oxidants present in grapes also provide the needed boost to your immune system.
Kidney disorders: Grapes can substantially reduce the acidity of the uric acid and helps in the elimination of the acid from the system, thereby reducing the work pressure of kidneys.
Breast cancer: Through a latest study, it has been discovered that purple colored Concord grape juice helps in preventing breast cancer. Significant reduction in mammary tumor mass of laboratory rats was seen after they were fed the grape juice on the experimental basis.
Alzheimer’s disease: Resveratrol, a beneficial polyphenol present in grapes reduces the levels of amyloidal-beta peptides in patients with Alzheimer's disease. Studies suggest that grapes can enhance brain health and stall the onset of neurodegenerative diseases.
Macular degeneration: Grapes can prevent the age related loss of vision or macular degeneration. Three servings of grapes a day can reduce the risks of macular degeneration by over 36 %.
Prevents cataract: Flavonoids present in grapes have antioxidants, which can reduce and fight the damage caused by free radicals such as cataract apart from cardiovascular diseases, cancer, and age related problems.
Blood cholesterol: Grapes contain a compound called pterostilbene, which has the capacity to bring down cholesterol level. Saponins present in grape skin can also prevent the absorption of cholesterol by binding with it.
Antibacterial activity: Red grapes have strong antibacterial and antiviral properties and can protect you from infections. They have a strong antiviral property against poliovirus and herpes simplex virus.
Anticancer properties: Grapes are found to have strong anti cancer properties due to the anti-inflammatory effect of resveratrol present in grapes. It is particularly effective in colorectal cancer and breast cancer. Anthocyanins and proanthocyanidins present in grapes have properties of an anti-proliferate and can inhibit the growth of cancer causing agents. Grape juice not just prevents the risk of cancer but also suppresses the growth and propagation of cancer cells. The pigments contained in grapes enhance the overall immunity of the body.
Thus, grapes play a pivotal role in preventing innumerable health disorders and can be used as home based remedies for several ailments. Dried grapes, known as raisins, are extremely nutritious and help in many disorders including constipation, acidosis, anemia, fever, sexual weakness and help in gaining weight and eye care.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
aku
lelah
dari dalam sampai luar juga, penat
entah kenapa terus gundah
ingin ku percaya namun terasa berat
kalau Kau utus aku tuk mulai semua
bukan kah harusnya berakhir bahagia?
kusadar, tak pernah Kau janji tiada badai
namun Kau pasti ada, aku tak kan lunglai
terpaku
kadang ku coba dekati jiwa senduku
menangis di tengah-tengah berkat
bertanya adakah insanku kuat
dia yang kucinta juga
sebentar lagi kan pergi ke sana
cintanya yang membara
akankah meguap bagai embun senja yang tak pernah ada?
aku yang sendiri, aku yang ratapi diri
aku yang diberkati, aku yang lelah dan sedih
aku yang kering, aku yang hendak berpaling
aku yang menanti, adakah jawaban dari risalah hati
mohon jangan kau dekati
aku cuma butuh sendiri
dari dalam sampai luar juga, penat
entah kenapa terus gundah
ingin ku percaya namun terasa berat
kalau Kau utus aku tuk mulai semua
bukan kah harusnya berakhir bahagia?
kusadar, tak pernah Kau janji tiada badai
namun Kau pasti ada, aku tak kan lunglai
terpaku
kadang ku coba dekati jiwa senduku
menangis di tengah-tengah berkat
bertanya adakah insanku kuat
dia yang kucinta juga
sebentar lagi kan pergi ke sana
cintanya yang membara
akankah meguap bagai embun senja yang tak pernah ada?
aku yang sendiri, aku yang ratapi diri
aku yang diberkati, aku yang lelah dan sedih
aku yang kering, aku yang hendak berpaling
aku yang menanti, adakah jawaban dari risalah hati
mohon jangan kau dekati
aku cuma butuh sendiri
Saturday, November 6, 2010
*snob*
We had an argument yesterday. It hurt quite so much. And the worse part of it, we had the argument at someone's house. Not that we yelled at each other in front of other people though. But, I am pretty sure our angry voices were loud enough to be heared by those peeps in the common room playing Street Fighters. Luckily, there weren't that many people and those pals of ours were not the "bibir ember" or "kepo" ones.
Both of us were upset. I never heared him that angry. Well, probably I had, once. But it's been a while ago. Yet he hardly ever raised his voice like that when we argued, at least never in front of me. Most of our "bad" arguments happened through phone. And we've usually calmed down when we met each other. But last night was just, ugh.. I am still iritated, I cannot lie. I know I am not supposed to, but I am still holding grudge towards "si dekil", the ultimate source and cause of our dispute.
I am leading the praise and worship at church this coming Sunday. Having to be so angry like this, make me feel terrible and guilty. I am not supposed to serve the Lord in such condition. I beg for your forgiveness, Lord Jesus :'(
Both of us were upset. I never heared him that angry. Well, probably I had, once. But it's been a while ago. Yet he hardly ever raised his voice like that when we argued, at least never in front of me. Most of our "bad" arguments happened through phone. And we've usually calmed down when we met each other. But last night was just, ugh.. I am still iritated, I cannot lie. I know I am not supposed to, but I am still holding grudge towards "si dekil", the ultimate source and cause of our dispute.
I am leading the praise and worship at church this coming Sunday. Having to be so angry like this, make me feel terrible and guilty. I am not supposed to serve the Lord in such condition. I beg for your forgiveness, Lord Jesus :'(
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Early birthday gift?
It's November already.. November the 2nd, 28 days before I turn 22. Scarrryyyy.. I am so old!! :P
By the way, yesterday I was shocked. I found tons of red dots all over my body. And the worst art of it, it is terribly ITCHY! Affraid that I might have picked some chicken pox virus in Purdue last weekend, I decided to see the doctor at Kenyon Health Center earlier this morning. They couldn't tell if this is a kind or rash or some kind of alergies or the mighty chicken pox thus they took a sample of "me" and sent it to the lab. I should know within 2-3 days. Just FYI, they poked my red dots for sampling and it wasn't fun at all! -_-"
Hopefully it's not chicken pox. Praying..
By the way, yesterday I was shocked. I found tons of red dots all over my body. And the worst art of it, it is terribly ITCHY! Affraid that I might have picked some chicken pox virus in Purdue last weekend, I decided to see the doctor at Kenyon Health Center earlier this morning. They couldn't tell if this is a kind or rash or some kind of alergies or the mighty chicken pox thus they took a sample of "me" and sent it to the lab. I should know within 2-3 days. Just FYI, they poked my red dots for sampling and it wasn't fun at all! -_-"
Hopefully it's not chicken pox. Praying..
Monday, October 25, 2010
a reminder for myself to be grateful =)
one day you are broken -hearted.
another day, you are madly in love.
that's what makes life interesting. full of stories, memories, tears, and smiles.
Blessed be the name of the Lord, for this life of mine, is a life full of blessings =)
another day, you are madly in love.
that's what makes life interesting. full of stories, memories, tears, and smiles.
Blessed be the name of the Lord, for this life of mine, is a life full of blessings =)
Friday, October 22, 2010
the microscopic wonders
really cool article, check it out!
http://green.yahoo.com/blog/greenpicks/292/rare-images-beyond-the-naked-eye.html
http://green.yahoo.com/blog/greenpicks/292/rare-images-beyond-the-naked-eye.html
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Aching
sometimes when it hurts
I truly wished you knew
about all the tears that burst
all because I madly love you
why do good things come to an end?
or should I ask why I dare to play the game?
love is not something you should pretend
and to love me, I hope it's not a shame
has it changed?
those sweet words, why?
so warm they sound, so perfect they seemed
but it feels dry, indeed so dry
you said..
"I would do it all over again"
"I wouldn't hesitate for a second"
"I woulnd't trade one minute.."
..with me?
even to question is hard
for my heart doesn't know what to ask
"am I the still one?"
or in angusih I should wishper "am I not the only one?"
if only I could take back all that memories
I would go back right to those times
but what can I do when your heart has started to cease?
probably I should be prepared for some sweet good-byes
you may say nothing is wrong
but my heart can tell something is not going right
I might not be that strong
but I am ready to be alone, if that's what's right
I truly wished you knew
about all the tears that burst
all because I madly love you
why do good things come to an end?
or should I ask why I dare to play the game?
love is not something you should pretend
and to love me, I hope it's not a shame
has it changed?
those sweet words, why?
so warm they sound, so perfect they seemed
but it feels dry, indeed so dry
you said..
"I would do it all over again"
"I wouldn't hesitate for a second"
"I woulnd't trade one minute.."
..with me?
even to question is hard
for my heart doesn't know what to ask
"am I the still one?"
or in angusih I should wishper "am I not the only one?"
if only I could take back all that memories
I would go back right to those times
but what can I do when your heart has started to cease?
probably I should be prepared for some sweet good-byes
you may say nothing is wrong
but my heart can tell something is not going right
I might not be that strong
but I am ready to be alone, if that's what's right
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
as easy as 1, 2, 3, 4?
I have never been this terrified this semester!
1st: so scared about my 1st Phi Chem exam. I really really think I did badly on this one. I just need to pass that class, please God..
2nd: senior exercie was not great. I wonder if Prof. Hicks will be "happy" enough with watever I wrote. *crossing my fingers*
3rd: has it changed? I am afraid that I am losing it.. I would rather withdraw myself from the arena than to be broken to pieces.
4th: I need some peace of mind.
1st: so scared about my 1st Phi Chem exam. I really really think I did badly on this one. I just need to pass that class, please God..
2nd: senior exercie was not great. I wonder if Prof. Hicks will be "happy" enough with watever I wrote. *crossing my fingers*
3rd: has it changed? I am afraid that I am losing it.. I would rather withdraw myself from the arena than to be broken to pieces.
4th: I need some peace of mind.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
academically offended!!
Being the only female in a lab full of males is not as comfortable as I thought it would be- especially when the lab is full of boys who think they know everything and you know nothing!
The lab where I am working consists of six people, with me being the only girl (even the supervisor is a male prof.)
Now I understand if other lab members often refer to my lab as the "fraternity of chem dept. lab". Because they are indeed acting like one! Well, not all of them are acting like d*****b**s. But you can definitly feels the atmosphere of rudeness and excessive self-pride once you joined them (again, not all of them. Some of them are "forced" to have the same/ similar attitude just because..). The prof is nice though, I like him a lot. But one of them is just wracking my nerves right now! I am just praying that I can control my self until the end of this semester. I am def leaving this lab when this semester ends.
God forgive me for being this angry
The lab where I am working consists of six people, with me being the only girl (even the supervisor is a male prof.)
Now I understand if other lab members often refer to my lab as the "fraternity of chem dept. lab". Because they are indeed acting like one! Well, not all of them are acting like d*****b**s. But you can definitly feels the atmosphere of rudeness and excessive self-pride once you joined them (again, not all of them. Some of them are "forced" to have the same/ similar attitude just because..). The prof is nice though, I like him a lot. But one of them is just wracking my nerves right now! I am just praying that I can control my self until the end of this semester. I am def leaving this lab when this semester ends.
God forgive me for being this angry
Friday, October 15, 2010
forget me not
sedih..
things and people change.
I just did not expect that you will change too.
Truth be told, it's beyond my anticipation.
Probably you just need some space.
here we go, some wishful thinking..
things and people change.
I just did not expect that you will change too.
Truth be told, it's beyond my anticipation.
Probably you just need some space.
here we go, some wishful thinking..
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
whatcha gonna do with all that a**, all that a** inside your jeans?
Two posts in a day? YES! Because I am pretty stressed out with my senior thesis. I need to "procrastinate" a little bit to calm down. lol
Anyhow, I used to complain about my not-so-propotional figure due to my not-so-small (read: big) bottoms (read: A** or BUTT). Additionally, having a tiny waist clearly doesn't help at all in making my body looks anything near propotional. I have a rather-big pair of bottoms in comparison to my rather petite figure. My dad once said, "You should not complain [about my a**], they're your assets!" lol. As I grow up, I realized that my dad was right-- they're my precious assets indeed (even R seconded this motion.lol)! Though it doens't make any easier for me when it comes to buying pants (you can imagine how hard it is to buy a pair of jeans when you have a small waist yet big a**. And I hate alterations!). Below is what makes me even more grateful for "the assets" that God's given to me *I also learn how to be grateful*:
Bokong Besar Pertanda Jantung Sehat
VIVAnews - Memiliki bokong besar bukan sekadar menampilkan kesan seksi. Studi terbaru mengungkap, timbunan lemak di bagian bokong dan paha dapat meningkatkan harapan hidup pemiliknya.
Berdasar studi yang dilakukan sejumlah pakar kesehatan dari Mayo Clinic, di Rochester, Minnesota, lemak yang terakumulasi di bokong dan pangkal kaki bagian atas justru mengurangi risiko penyakit jantung, stroke, dan diabetes. Tidak seperti lemak di perut yang meningkatkan risiko tiga penyakit tersebut.
Tim peneliti yang dipimpin Dr Michael Jensen melibatkan 28 pria dan wanita sebagai partisipan. Selama delapan minggu, mereka memberi perlakuan dan pola makan yang sama terhadap seluruh partisipan. Mereka ingin melihat pertumbuhan lemak di tubuh para partisipan.
Mayoritas partisipan memiliki lemak sekitar 2,45 kg di bagian tubuh atas seperti perut dan dada. Sementara di bagian tubuh bawah seperti bokong, pinggul, dan paha sekitar 1,5 kg. Pengukuran ini dilakukan sebelum dan setelah 'masa karantina'.
Dalam penelitian terungkap, ada perbedaan sel-sel lemak yang melilit bagian tubuh atas dan bawah. Sel-sel lemak di bagian tubuh bawah mengandung agen anti-inflamasi alami yang dapat menghentikan penyumbatan arteri.
Seperti dikutip dari Daily Mail, Jensen mengatakan, temuan ini menantangnya untuk mencari cara meningkatkan produksi lemak di bagian tubuh bagian bawah tanpa menambah timbunan lemak di bagian tubuh bagian atas. "Ini penting untuk membentuk perlindungan tubuh dan membantu mencegah penyakit."
Temuan yang dipublikasikan pada Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences mungkin bisa menjelaskan manfaat memiliki tubuh berbentuk buah pir. (pet)
dikutip dari: Yahoo! News
Anyhow, I used to complain about my not-so-propotional figure due to my not-so-small (read: big) bottoms (read: A** or BUTT). Additionally, having a tiny waist clearly doesn't help at all in making my body looks anything near propotional. I have a rather-big pair of bottoms in comparison to my rather petite figure. My dad once said, "You should not complain [about my a**], they're your assets!" lol. As I grow up, I realized that my dad was right-- they're my precious assets indeed (even R seconded this motion.lol)! Though it doens't make any easier for me when it comes to buying pants (you can imagine how hard it is to buy a pair of jeans when you have a small waist yet big a**. And I hate alterations!). Below is what makes me even more grateful for "the assets" that God's given to me *I also learn how to be grateful*:
Bokong Besar Pertanda Jantung Sehat
VIVAnews - Memiliki bokong besar bukan sekadar menampilkan kesan seksi. Studi terbaru mengungkap, timbunan lemak di bagian bokong dan paha dapat meningkatkan harapan hidup pemiliknya.
Berdasar studi yang dilakukan sejumlah pakar kesehatan dari Mayo Clinic, di Rochester, Minnesota, lemak yang terakumulasi di bokong dan pangkal kaki bagian atas justru mengurangi risiko penyakit jantung, stroke, dan diabetes. Tidak seperti lemak di perut yang meningkatkan risiko tiga penyakit tersebut.
Tim peneliti yang dipimpin Dr Michael Jensen melibatkan 28 pria dan wanita sebagai partisipan. Selama delapan minggu, mereka memberi perlakuan dan pola makan yang sama terhadap seluruh partisipan. Mereka ingin melihat pertumbuhan lemak di tubuh para partisipan.
Mayoritas partisipan memiliki lemak sekitar 2,45 kg di bagian tubuh atas seperti perut dan dada. Sementara di bagian tubuh bawah seperti bokong, pinggul, dan paha sekitar 1,5 kg. Pengukuran ini dilakukan sebelum dan setelah 'masa karantina'.
Dalam penelitian terungkap, ada perbedaan sel-sel lemak yang melilit bagian tubuh atas dan bawah. Sel-sel lemak di bagian tubuh bawah mengandung agen anti-inflamasi alami yang dapat menghentikan penyumbatan arteri.
Seperti dikutip dari Daily Mail, Jensen mengatakan, temuan ini menantangnya untuk mencari cara meningkatkan produksi lemak di bagian tubuh bagian bawah tanpa menambah timbunan lemak di bagian tubuh bagian atas. "Ini penting untuk membentuk perlindungan tubuh dan membantu mencegah penyakit."
Temuan yang dipublikasikan pada Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences mungkin bisa menjelaskan manfaat memiliki tubuh berbentuk buah pir. (pet)
dikutip dari: Yahoo! News
that other side of me
So much work, so little time. Actually, the time was not that little. I was lack of motivation-- did almost nothing on Friday. Geez..
Anyhow, it's now less than 24 hrs. I am pretty nervous about it. Nervous that I am expecting too much and will just disappoint myself. For sure, I want to renew it. I am tired of a fake X. I am not sincere that the evil side of my being (so-called) is indulging this X, having so-called sinful fun with Y. I want to be free. I want to be the ordinary girl (yet extraordinary in HIM) that I used to be.
Often I feel that the dry side of my heart is expanding. But I can barely tell what I thirst for. I need you Lord, that's for sure.
Anyhow, it's now less than 24 hrs. I am pretty nervous about it. Nervous that I am expecting too much and will just disappoint myself. For sure, I want to renew it. I am tired of a fake X. I am not sincere that the evil side of my being (so-called) is indulging this X, having so-called sinful fun with Y. I want to be free. I want to be the ordinary girl (yet extraordinary in HIM) that I used to be.
Often I feel that the dry side of my heart is expanding. But I can barely tell what I thirst for. I need you Lord, that's for sure.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
help me know You are near
I want to pray.
But I do not know what to say.
I know that God understand word-less prayers.
But even my heart contains nothing, will He still understand?
I am not here to complain.
I just feel like losing it..
Losing it to something I do not even know.. what
But I do not know what to say.
I know that God understand word-less prayers.
But even my heart contains nothing, will He still understand?
I am not here to complain.
I just feel like losing it..
Losing it to something I do not even know.. what
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
not much
I feel like the world is against me today!
I am in my lab now, supposedly be doing some rotavapouring, but still can barely hold my tears. I have to be tough on life otherwise he'll be tough on me! But I can't..
I really shouldn't blame it on the weather.
I am in my lab now, supposedly be doing some rotavapouring, but still can barely hold my tears. I have to be tough on life otherwise he'll be tough on me! But I can't..
I really shouldn't blame it on the weather.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Going to make the most of it!!
plane tickets to home is so expensivooooo!!! $1826, and it's from CMH to Singapore only.. Well, at least the flight route is very good: CMH-TX-SIN, only transit once- isn't that awesome??!!! :D
I think I am taking extra days of winter break then. lol. Regardless of the price, I am so excited and CANNOT wait to go home!!!
can't stop thinking about Manadonese food. hahahaha ^.^
I think I am taking extra days of winter break then. lol. Regardless of the price, I am so excited and CANNOT wait to go home!!!
can't stop thinking about Manadonese food. hahahaha ^.^
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Projects
1. Scrapbook for our anniversary (check)
2. Graduation pic and plaque for him (check)
3. Flower bouqet for M (not check yet)
4. Card for his graduation (not check yet)
5. B'day card for M (not check yet)
6. Graduation gift for J (not check yet)
7. Graduation card for J (check)
etc
I am so behind.. so behind..
these are supposed to be fun non-academic projects. Yet now they're driving me kwayzeee.. >.<
But for my loved ones, apa sih yg ga gua kerjain..
it is worth the world to see them happy! =)
2. Graduation pic and plaque for him (check)
3. Flower bouqet for M (not check yet)
4. Card for his graduation (not check yet)
5. B'day card for M (not check yet)
6. Graduation gift for J (not check yet)
7. Graduation card for J (check)
etc
I am so behind.. so behind..
these are supposed to be fun non-academic projects. Yet now they're driving me kwayzeee.. >.<
But for my loved ones, apa sih yg ga gua kerjain..
it is worth the world to see them happy! =)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Beware: Misleading ingredient names explained
My general rule is to buy foods that list ingredients I can pronounce, but there are at least two things I additionally watch out for: ingredients that sound healthy but aren’t (I try to avoid those) and obscure ingredients that sound scary but are basically harmless.
The latest ingredient to request a “healthier-sounding” name change? High-fructose corn syrup. This week, the Corn Refiners Association, which represents firms who make the product, petitioned the FDA to change the ingredient’s name to “corn sugar.” The group has many reasons for wanting the change, including changing public perception of this controversial ingredient. But two respected nutrition watchdogs, EatingWell advisory board member Marion Nestle, a nutrition professor at New York University, and Michael Jacobsen, director of a Washington, D.C.-based nutrition and health advocacy group, Center for the Science in the Public Interest, told the New York Times that the new term “corn sugar” is a more accurate description for high-fructose corn syrup, which is a mixture of glucose and fructose.
I talked to EatingWell’s nutrition editor, Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D., about HFCS and 4 more ingredients that sound healthier than they are, plus 4 obscure-sounding ingredients that are basically harmless. (Note: This is not a complete list, just some highlights to pay attention to.) Here’s her advice on how to decode them:
Related: Is High-Fructose Corn Syrup Worse for You Than Sugar? Find Out Here.
Related: Yogurt & More: 6 healthy-sounding foods that really aren’t
WATCH OUT: INGREDIENTS THAT ARE SCARIER THAN THEY SOUND
1. Fruit Juice Concentrates
What it is: An alias for added sugars, which supply calories but little to no nutritional value. This also applies to: corn sweetener or syrup, high-fructose corn syrup, honey, agave, invert sugar, malt sugar, molasses, syrup and sugar molecules ending in “ose” (dextrose, fructose, glucose, lactose, maltose, sucrose).
Why you should watch out: Because high intakes of added sugars are linked with increased risks for high blood pressure and high triglyceride levels, risk factors for heart disease, The American Heart Association recommends limiting added sugars, advising that women eat no more than 100 calories per day from added sugars, or about 6 teaspoons, and men should stick to less than 150 calories, approximately 9 teaspoons. (A 12-ounce can of cola has about 8 teaspoons.) Added sugars in processed foods are difficult to track. "Sugars" on Nutrition Facts panels include added sugars and natural sugars found in healthful foods (fructose in fruits, lactose in dairy). In general, the closer added sugars are to the top of the list, the more the food contains.
2. Soybean Oil
What it is: A plant-derived oil
Why you should watch out: Soybean oil, along with corn oil, cottonseed oil, safflower oil and sunflower oil, is high in omega-6 fats, which compete in your body with healthy omega-3 fats (the kind that benefit your heart and brain). Many nutrition experts say that Americans get too many omega-6 fats in their diets, mostly from processed foods. Joe Hibbeln, M.D., a captain in the United States Public Health Service takes it a step further and blames alcoholism, depression and a host of other illnesses on the excess of omega-6 fats in our diet. In fact, it’s quite difficult to find commercial salad dressings, mayonnaise, even crackers, breads, pasta sauces and granola bars, among other products, that don’t include oils with high levels of omega-6 fats.
Click here for our recommendations for some of the healthiest packaged salad dressings, mayonnaise, crackers, pasta sauces and granola bars.
3. Palm Oil
What it is: Oils derived from the fruits of palm trees.
Why you should watch out: Now that the heart-damaging effects of trans fats (hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils) are widely known, many food manufacturers are replacing them with palm oil. EatingWell’s Dietitian and Nutrition Advisor Sylvia Geiger, M.S., R.D. reports that while palm oil is trans-fat-free, about half of its fat is saturated, adding about 1.5 grams sat fat to each 2-tablespoon serving. Have we traded one “bad fat” for another? Could be. While you may have heard that palm oil has less of a cholesterol-raising effect than other tropical oils, the research isn’t conclusive. Your best bet is to choose natural products that contain neither added palm oil nor trans fats. (Note: Products labeled “0 trans fats” can still contain up to half a gram of trans fat per serving. You can assume that “trans-free” products still contain a small amount of trans fat if partially hydrogenated oil is listed as an ingredient.) In addition, recent research shows that palmitic acid, a saturated fat found in palm oil (and beef, butter and cheese) caused mice to become resistant to the appetite-suppressing hormones leptin and insulin, which in theory could make them eat more.
4. Wheat Flour
What it is: Refined wheat flour, also a synonym for white or all-purpose flour.
Why you should watch out: Wheat flour is different from “whole-wheat flour.” Wheat/white flour contains barely any fiber, vitamins or minerals, the building blocks of healthy food. So you’re missing out on all the benefits of whole grains. One slice of white bread has 65 percent less fiber, magnesium and potassium than whole-wheat bread. The bran alone in whole-wheat bread gives it 20 times more antioxidant power. A diet high in whole grains, on the other hand, is associated with a lower risk of heart disease, less weight gain, fewer cases of type 2 diabetes and reduced risk of colon cancer and metabolic syndrome. People who eat more whole grains also tend to have lower bad (LDL) cholesterol and higher good (HDL) cholesterol, all good reasons to opt for a chewier loaf and more foods made with whole grains.
Related: 3 Ways to Find the Healthiest Supermarket Breads
CHILL-OUT: SCARY-SOUNDING INGREDIENTS THAT ARE BASICALLY OK
1. Inulin
What it is: Not to be confused with insulin, a hormone that regulates energy and glucose metabolism in the body, inulin is a soluble fiber found naturally
in bananas, onions and some plants.
What it does: It is added to processed foods to replace sugar, fat and flour. Bonus: It can help increase calcium absorption and can help promote the growth of beneficial bacteria added to yogurt.
2. Ascorbic Acid
What it is: This is a pseudonym for vitamin C, a water-soluble vitamin perhaps best known for its role in boosting our immune system, it also helps the body absorb iron from plants we eat, acts as a protective antioxidant and has been linked with younger-looking skin.
What it does: It is added to products to prevent discoloration; in bread-machine yeast it acts as a dough conditioner to promote volume.
3. Xanthan Gum
What it is: You’ll see this powdery substance, fermented from glucose, in a lot of products— from salad dressings to ice creams.
What it does: It thickens salad dressings and maintains the smooth consistency of ice creams. Bonus: Increasing the viscosity of lower-fat dressings gives them the richer “mouthfeel” associated with full-fat versions—making it a little easier to reach for the healthier choices.
4. Maltodextrin
What it is: This ingredient, along with vegetable gum and methylcellulose, is one of the starches or fibers derived from natural plants (including bushes, trees, seaweed) and bacteria.
What it does: You’ll find maltodextrin, or its pals, in nearly every processed food, including veggie burgers, in which they act as a binder and stabilizer to hold everything together in a neat, firm patty.
What ingredients do you wonder about?
By. Michelle Edelbaum
The latest ingredient to request a “healthier-sounding” name change? High-fructose corn syrup. This week, the Corn Refiners Association, which represents firms who make the product, petitioned the FDA to change the ingredient’s name to “corn sugar.” The group has many reasons for wanting the change, including changing public perception of this controversial ingredient. But two respected nutrition watchdogs, EatingWell advisory board member Marion Nestle, a nutrition professor at New York University, and Michael Jacobsen, director of a Washington, D.C.-based nutrition and health advocacy group, Center for the Science in the Public Interest, told the New York Times that the new term “corn sugar” is a more accurate description for high-fructose corn syrup, which is a mixture of glucose and fructose.
I talked to EatingWell’s nutrition editor, Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D., about HFCS and 4 more ingredients that sound healthier than they are, plus 4 obscure-sounding ingredients that are basically harmless. (Note: This is not a complete list, just some highlights to pay attention to.) Here’s her advice on how to decode them:
Related: Is High-Fructose Corn Syrup Worse for You Than Sugar? Find Out Here.
Related: Yogurt & More: 6 healthy-sounding foods that really aren’t
WATCH OUT: INGREDIENTS THAT ARE SCARIER THAN THEY SOUND
1. Fruit Juice Concentrates
What it is: An alias for added sugars, which supply calories but little to no nutritional value. This also applies to: corn sweetener or syrup, high-fructose corn syrup, honey, agave, invert sugar, malt sugar, molasses, syrup and sugar molecules ending in “ose” (dextrose, fructose, glucose, lactose, maltose, sucrose).
Why you should watch out: Because high intakes of added sugars are linked with increased risks for high blood pressure and high triglyceride levels, risk factors for heart disease, The American Heart Association recommends limiting added sugars, advising that women eat no more than 100 calories per day from added sugars, or about 6 teaspoons, and men should stick to less than 150 calories, approximately 9 teaspoons. (A 12-ounce can of cola has about 8 teaspoons.) Added sugars in processed foods are difficult to track. "Sugars" on Nutrition Facts panels include added sugars and natural sugars found in healthful foods (fructose in fruits, lactose in dairy). In general, the closer added sugars are to the top of the list, the more the food contains.
2. Soybean Oil
What it is: A plant-derived oil
Why you should watch out: Soybean oil, along with corn oil, cottonseed oil, safflower oil and sunflower oil, is high in omega-6 fats, which compete in your body with healthy omega-3 fats (the kind that benefit your heart and brain). Many nutrition experts say that Americans get too many omega-6 fats in their diets, mostly from processed foods. Joe Hibbeln, M.D., a captain in the United States Public Health Service takes it a step further and blames alcoholism, depression and a host of other illnesses on the excess of omega-6 fats in our diet. In fact, it’s quite difficult to find commercial salad dressings, mayonnaise, even crackers, breads, pasta sauces and granola bars, among other products, that don’t include oils with high levels of omega-6 fats.
Click here for our recommendations for some of the healthiest packaged salad dressings, mayonnaise, crackers, pasta sauces and granola bars.
3. Palm Oil
What it is: Oils derived from the fruits of palm trees.
Why you should watch out: Now that the heart-damaging effects of trans fats (hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils) are widely known, many food manufacturers are replacing them with palm oil. EatingWell’s Dietitian and Nutrition Advisor Sylvia Geiger, M.S., R.D. reports that while palm oil is trans-fat-free, about half of its fat is saturated, adding about 1.5 grams sat fat to each 2-tablespoon serving. Have we traded one “bad fat” for another? Could be. While you may have heard that palm oil has less of a cholesterol-raising effect than other tropical oils, the research isn’t conclusive. Your best bet is to choose natural products that contain neither added palm oil nor trans fats. (Note: Products labeled “0 trans fats” can still contain up to half a gram of trans fat per serving. You can assume that “trans-free” products still contain a small amount of trans fat if partially hydrogenated oil is listed as an ingredient.) In addition, recent research shows that palmitic acid, a saturated fat found in palm oil (and beef, butter and cheese) caused mice to become resistant to the appetite-suppressing hormones leptin and insulin, which in theory could make them eat more.
4. Wheat Flour
What it is: Refined wheat flour, also a synonym for white or all-purpose flour.
Why you should watch out: Wheat flour is different from “whole-wheat flour.” Wheat/white flour contains barely any fiber, vitamins or minerals, the building blocks of healthy food. So you’re missing out on all the benefits of whole grains. One slice of white bread has 65 percent less fiber, magnesium and potassium than whole-wheat bread. The bran alone in whole-wheat bread gives it 20 times more antioxidant power. A diet high in whole grains, on the other hand, is associated with a lower risk of heart disease, less weight gain, fewer cases of type 2 diabetes and reduced risk of colon cancer and metabolic syndrome. People who eat more whole grains also tend to have lower bad (LDL) cholesterol and higher good (HDL) cholesterol, all good reasons to opt for a chewier loaf and more foods made with whole grains.
Related: 3 Ways to Find the Healthiest Supermarket Breads
CHILL-OUT: SCARY-SOUNDING INGREDIENTS THAT ARE BASICALLY OK
1. Inulin
What it is: Not to be confused with insulin, a hormone that regulates energy and glucose metabolism in the body, inulin is a soluble fiber found naturally
in bananas, onions and some plants.
What it does: It is added to processed foods to replace sugar, fat and flour. Bonus: It can help increase calcium absorption and can help promote the growth of beneficial bacteria added to yogurt.
2. Ascorbic Acid
What it is: This is a pseudonym for vitamin C, a water-soluble vitamin perhaps best known for its role in boosting our immune system, it also helps the body absorb iron from plants we eat, acts as a protective antioxidant and has been linked with younger-looking skin.
What it does: It is added to products to prevent discoloration; in bread-machine yeast it acts as a dough conditioner to promote volume.
3. Xanthan Gum
What it is: You’ll see this powdery substance, fermented from glucose, in a lot of products— from salad dressings to ice creams.
What it does: It thickens salad dressings and maintains the smooth consistency of ice creams. Bonus: Increasing the viscosity of lower-fat dressings gives them the richer “mouthfeel” associated with full-fat versions—making it a little easier to reach for the healthier choices.
4. Maltodextrin
What it is: This ingredient, along with vegetable gum and methylcellulose, is one of the starches or fibers derived from natural plants (including bushes, trees, seaweed) and bacteria.
What it does: You’ll find maltodextrin, or its pals, in nearly every processed food, including veggie burgers, in which they act as a binder and stabilizer to hold everything together in a neat, firm patty.
What ingredients do you wonder about?
By. Michelle Edelbaum
Monday, September 20, 2010
Lesson of the day
How can people be so rude?
Two people being carelesly rude to me within the same hour. I could hold back grudge. It wouldn't do me anything but turn myself down. So instead, I decided just to let it out (read: write here) and not to dwell in it for the rest of the day.
One thing that I learned: Be careful with whatever you say and/ or do to others. Think before you speak, because you never know how badly a discouraging word could affect someone. Whatever is going on in your life cannot be taken as an excuse for you to be rude to the person next to you. Don't be a stumble stone. Be a blessing instead!
God, please give me a heart to learn from and take the good side of whatever uncomfortable situation I am in. Also, I pray that I can be more careful with the words that come out from my mouth as well as actions done by me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
Two people being carelesly rude to me within the same hour. I could hold back grudge. It wouldn't do me anything but turn myself down. So instead, I decided just to let it out (read: write here) and not to dwell in it for the rest of the day.
One thing that I learned: Be careful with whatever you say and/ or do to others. Think before you speak, because you never know how badly a discouraging word could affect someone. Whatever is going on in your life cannot be taken as an excuse for you to be rude to the person next to you. Don't be a stumble stone. Be a blessing instead!
God, please give me a heart to learn from and take the good side of whatever uncomfortable situation I am in. Also, I pray that I can be more careful with the words that come out from my mouth as well as actions done by me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
a little surprise
I am so exhausted today.. Do not know why..
Btw, I got to see yet send away my boo yesterday. I was happy indeed to see him after over 2 weeks not being able to see, feel, hug, tease, etc him ^^ I felt like I did not hug him enoguh-- he had to go to CA and leave me again that soon! But good that my friends were with us and together we sent him to the airport. Otherwise I would have been terribly sad I bet. Now I am missing him already.. =(
I did not get to meet again with his family. Though I wrote a card for his family and leave it on his desk. When I met him, the only thing I wanted to do was to hug him super duper tighlty!! I came to his house, I huged him, he went to his room, came back with a bag.
At the begining I thought it was his sister's bag, for the ribbon knotted to one of the bag's straps looks pretty similar to hers. Then he handed it to me and said, "here's a bag from my mom and I", smiling. And me smiling too.. =)
selidik-punya selidik.. It was actually form his mom (only). Not from him. Which is not surprising. hahaha.. Katanya waktu jalan2 di outlet di NYC, mamanya sama cc adenya masuk Coach. While dia yg udah bosen, nunggu di luar (biasa lah, cowo). Then when they came out his mom gave the bag to himn and said, "Nih mama beliin buat Angel". Sudah saya duga.. My boy hasn't changed that much lah from his mighty cuekness trademark! lol. Yet I am soooooo happy!!! Happy that his mom bought me something from their trip ^.^. The bag is very nice and I like it. But what pleases me the most is the fact that his MOM bought it for me. I am a little flattered, you know! lol.
According to J, "it's a good sign loh Njel that his mom bought something for you. Apalagi si Ray anak cowo semata wayang maminya..". So ya, I am more than just 'a little' flattered I guess..
Thank you tante buat Coach tote bag nya.. it's really nice and it's a very kind of you =)
Btw, I got to see yet send away my boo yesterday. I was happy indeed to see him after over 2 weeks not being able to see, feel, hug, tease, etc him ^^ I felt like I did not hug him enoguh-- he had to go to CA and leave me again that soon! But good that my friends were with us and together we sent him to the airport. Otherwise I would have been terribly sad I bet. Now I am missing him already.. =(
I did not get to meet again with his family. Though I wrote a card for his family and leave it on his desk. When I met him, the only thing I wanted to do was to hug him super duper tighlty!! I came to his house, I huged him, he went to his room, came back with a bag.
At the begining I thought it was his sister's bag, for the ribbon knotted to one of the bag's straps looks pretty similar to hers. Then he handed it to me and said, "here's a bag from my mom and I", smiling. And me smiling too.. =)
selidik-punya selidik.. It was actually form his mom (only). Not from him. Which is not surprising. hahaha.. Katanya waktu jalan2 di outlet di NYC, mamanya sama cc adenya masuk Coach. While dia yg udah bosen, nunggu di luar (biasa lah, cowo). Then when they came out his mom gave the bag to himn and said, "Nih mama beliin buat Angel". Sudah saya duga.. My boy hasn't changed that much lah from his mighty cuekness trademark! lol. Yet I am soooooo happy!!! Happy that his mom bought me something from their trip ^.^. The bag is very nice and I like it. But what pleases me the most is the fact that his MOM bought it for me. I am a little flattered, you know! lol.
According to J, "it's a good sign loh Njel that his mom bought something for you. Apalagi si Ray anak cowo semata wayang maminya..". So ya, I am more than just 'a little' flattered I guess..
Thank you tante buat Coach tote bag nya.. it's really nice and it's a very kind of you =)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Miss you
I have countless moments with you
Many laughs and tears we shared
And I hope that we will make it through
Loving each other, faithfully, to death
Maybe we are too young to speak in the name of true love
But why do I see so clearly that my future is you?
Sharing my life with you, I pray to the One above
To grow old with you would be a sweet dream-come-true
Nothing I promise for now
But all my heart, passion, and affection
Yet I just cannot think of how
How I can live a second of my life without you, my perfection
If you ever have to stop holding my hand
Please keep your memory of me in a little piece of your heart
As for our castle in my heart, made of sand
Will dust away, yet covering all part
I miss you terribly.. =(
Maryland, June 9, 2010
..and right now
Many laughs and tears we shared
And I hope that we will make it through
Loving each other, faithfully, to death
Maybe we are too young to speak in the name of true love
But why do I see so clearly that my future is you?
Sharing my life with you, I pray to the One above
To grow old with you would be a sweet dream-come-true
Nothing I promise for now
But all my heart, passion, and affection
Yet I just cannot think of how
How I can live a second of my life without you, my perfection
If you ever have to stop holding my hand
Please keep your memory of me in a little piece of your heart
As for our castle in my heart, made of sand
Will dust away, yet covering all part
I miss you terribly.. =(
Maryland, June 9, 2010
..and right now
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Curhat
Motivation, where art thou?
Senior thesis is in the house! Three "potential" research papers (those that I will be working on for my analysis) are due tomorrow and guess how many I have found? ZERO!
Am I busy? Yes. But I did have time to do my online research finding three informatif and interesting science journals. Too bad my motivation is on vacation- gone with the wind! Here we go now I am writing rather not-so-important issues on my blogger. jah..
Well, in about a month Ray and I are going to celebrate our 1st anniversary. I am so excited. I like celebrations, always cherish special moments. Currently I am making an album/ scrapbook to my other-half (as janet always refer to him). I already planned it since long time ago (see how I like special occasion!). But I changed my mind! And this one is even better!!
So, instead of dealing with the hasle fighting with glue, scicors, and their friends, I am working on it with Shutterfly! It is hasle-free and looks nicer overall!
Though my excitement had to stop for a bit last night. I was talking to R about how excited I am about our upcoming anniversary and he just said "it's just an anniversary.. bla bla bla..". I was so down that I cried =( I mean, how could one say such thing to ones gf? After her putting so much effort on the scrapbook she's making despite the schoolworks she has??
I was indeed irritated and disappointed. But then I learnt 2 things:
1. If a person doesn't love you the way you want, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all his heart.
R is just a boy. And his "cuek-ness" is kinda his trademark. Sometimes he says things without even thinking about it. Love is not about changing, but rather understanding and acceptance.
2. Love is more about giving, and not focusing on receiving (affection, respect, or materials). If I want to do something because of love, I then should do it because of love regardless the respons of others (including him).
shoot it;s 9:37pm already! Gotta force myself to do what I'm supposed to be doing! aaarrrggggghhhhh >.<
Senior thesis is in the house! Three "potential" research papers (those that I will be working on for my analysis) are due tomorrow and guess how many I have found? ZERO!
Am I busy? Yes. But I did have time to do my online research finding three informatif and interesting science journals. Too bad my motivation is on vacation- gone with the wind! Here we go now I am writing rather not-so-important issues on my blogger. jah..
Well, in about a month Ray and I are going to celebrate our 1st anniversary. I am so excited. I like celebrations, always cherish special moments. Currently I am making an album/ scrapbook to my other-half (as janet always refer to him). I already planned it since long time ago (see how I like special occasion!). But I changed my mind! And this one is even better!!
So, instead of dealing with the hasle fighting with glue, scicors, and their friends, I am working on it with Shutterfly! It is hasle-free and looks nicer overall!
Though my excitement had to stop for a bit last night. I was talking to R about how excited I am about our upcoming anniversary and he just said "it's just an anniversary.. bla bla bla..". I was so down that I cried =( I mean, how could one say such thing to ones gf? After her putting so much effort on the scrapbook she's making despite the schoolworks she has??
I was indeed irritated and disappointed. But then I learnt 2 things:
1. If a person doesn't love you the way you want, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all his heart.
R is just a boy. And his "cuek-ness" is kinda his trademark. Sometimes he says things without even thinking about it. Love is not about changing, but rather understanding and acceptance.
2. Love is more about giving, and not focusing on receiving (affection, respect, or materials). If I want to do something because of love, I then should do it because of love regardless the respons of others (including him).
shoot it;s 9:37pm already! Gotta force myself to do what I'm supposed to be doing! aaarrrggggghhhhh >.<
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
blah blah blah on wed evening
It's a quarter after ten, I am a little bored and I miss you now..
My boo is out and about, with his family. I am trully happy to see him having a great time with the ones he dears high and so glad I had the chance to hang out with his family even just for a while. He doesn't have so much time to contact me lately (which I do understand) and I miss him.. He'll be away for 3 weeks =(
and I have to deal with senior thesis. and phi chem. and dental school applications. concentrate!
My boo is out and about, with his family. I am trully happy to see him having a great time with the ones he dears high and so glad I had the chance to hang out with his family even just for a while. He doesn't have so much time to contact me lately (which I do understand) and I miss him.. He'll be away for 3 weeks =(
and I have to deal with senior thesis. and phi chem. and dental school applications. concentrate!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
trying to be selfless
My petit ami is graduating soon. I am happy for and proud of him, indeed. Yet at the same time I am kind of nervous, scared that he won't find a job here in the states and will have to go back to Indo-- read: leaving me alone, not cool.. :( If truth be told, I WANT him to get a job and stay in the states at least until I am done with my Undergrad degree. But I can't be selfish, can I? I really should pray for whatever best for him, instead of whatever is the most comfortable for me.
On the other hand. I am struggling a lot with my dental school apps. I am so hugely in doubt now, whether I still want to continue my education here in the states or go to a school somewhere near home, like Singapore. At the moment, I am emotionally and mentally more driven for the later option. I WANT to go to school not so far from home (read: reachable within one DIRECT flight!). But I can't be selfish, can I? For I am not mine no more, I am praying for whatever is best according to God's will and plan. Praying that I do not lose courage..
On the other hand. I am struggling a lot with my dental school apps. I am so hugely in doubt now, whether I still want to continue my education here in the states or go to a school somewhere near home, like Singapore. At the moment, I am emotionally and mentally more driven for the later option. I WANT to go to school not so far from home (read: reachable within one DIRECT flight!). But I can't be selfish, can I? For I am not mine no more, I am praying for whatever is best according to God's will and plan. Praying that I do not lose courage..
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
lazy Tuesday nite
So, at the begining it was me asking my bff a favor **digging her rubbsih bin to find my shopping recipt** what a good friend I am! LOL
Angel Mogie 02 August at 23:29
Paleeennn..
Mo minta tolonggg... huhuhuhu. Kita p struk AEROPOSTALE ta da dapa buang pa nn p trash can sto noh. Kalo nt nda mind tolong lia akang dang kalo masi ada.. tu struk stand out skali.. ada garis merah muda basar (tanda so musti ganti rol struk baru dang). Mar kalo nt p tampa sampah so ta tambah barang2 laen.. nda usah jo.. I don't wanna make u dig on the rubbish..hehehehe. Cm kalo dapa2lia, tolong punggu akang.. sama dng pengemis kita jo kang..wkwkwkw.. Sori skaliiiiii.. dont mean to make u go through your trash can >.< cm kalo dapa2lia jo (and kalo nda kotor), minta tolong simpan akang.. again,soriiiiii...
btw, lupa bilang kyapa.. hahaha. one of the jeans yg qt bli kwa longgar.. tiap 10 langkah musti tarek2 ka atas. pas coba nda dapa rasa dp longgar.. ternyata pake bajalang br dapa rasa. jadi atik da mo rencana exchange di outlet d ohio. bgtyu.. merci!!
Alen Polii 03 August at 17:43
mojay, nn yakin da buang di tampa sampa? soalnya qt da udek2 nda ada no.. masih sto kwa di depe tas, oto, ato dompet? ato popoji calana nn da pake tuhari nda? co cari ulang..
di sini ada depe tag 24.50 Very Be XS/TP.. mar bukang struk dng nda ada garis merah muda besar...
Angel Mogie 03 August at 20:58
aduuuh ksiang.. kyapa so sampe aduk2 t4 sampah dang nn?? soriiiiiiii soriiiiiiiiiiiii >.< nda bermaksud ksiang.. qt p mksd kalo ada kong dapa2 lia, tolong punggu kong simpan akang. mar kalo nda, biar jo npp.. soriiiiii skli so sampe bekeng nn aduk2 trash can =(
biar jo val npp. maybe so ta taruh d mana sto ta so nentau ley. nanti kalo pulang indo dec qt mo fermak jo.. btw THANK YOU BERRY BERRY MUCH NEEEEE.. kasiang, ta da bekeng org pe anak udek2 tampa sampa -_-
Then we started talking about my plan on this coming Saturday.. About Ray coming and staying overnight and then jalan-jalan ke aquarium
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:08
Ya elah cuma itu le, hehehe biasa jo. Qt pe sampa le kering.. Btw soal aquarium nnti qt tanya pa arya dulu ne. Jam brp rencana mo cabut dari aquarium?
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 21:10
torang sih rencana pagi2 so di akuarium.. mo usahakan by 9am, latest 10am. soale pengen secepatnya cabut bale OH si ray. kita sih mo nginep satu malam le di MD boleh mo manjo.. kwkwwkkw.. eh, agustus 14 so maso skola blm?? main2 ke ohio yukkkksss.. skalian ada food bazaar ^^
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:12
Mksdnya sabtu ke aquarium to. Nn mau nginep di md mlm apa?
Hehehe nn kirim pa qt tu food bazaar cuma bkng ngiler jo!
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 21:14
jumat mlm.. makanyaaaaaaaaaaa.. road trip k columbus jo, dng arya.. yuks yuks yuksssss ^^
Then for some reasons Val got confused
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:15
He? Mksdnya jumat mlm ka md, kong sabtu aquarium di baltimore? Bola bale dang nt??
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 21:44
kan ray sampe jumat sore.. malam stay d sini. sabtu pagi br k aquarium, then sore2 so cabs k Ohio. gityuu.. hhehehe
Then she got even more confused..
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:55
Nn bilang mau nginep sabtu mlm di md itu sabtu mlm dang? Mar nmbole lntrn somo bale, bgtu? Haha dodol qt ehhh
Sent via Facebook Mobile
and I was so confused that she got confused.. wew
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:10
eehh?? *bingo* wkwkwkwk.. bakudapa di ketemu tong pe bcrt ini.. rupa kucing cari tangka ekor sandiri, taputar2.. wkwkwkwkwkw
ray sampe jumat sore.. nginep d sini jumat malam. sabtu pagi k aquarium, sabtu sore cabs k cols..
Now she got it... hahaha
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:15
hahahahhahahahha kita so MANGARTI skrang!
qt pe kira pas nn da bilang MD di -->kita sih mo nginep satu malam le di MD boleh mo manjo -- msdknya mo nginep sini di Frederick. Baltimore le kan masih MD wakakaka
msdnya nn klo mo nginep satu mlm tu sabtu le npp, mar ray tu mau bale sabtu kang..
hahaha sampe panjang bagini do tu thread
I thought it's so funny it worth posting this thread on my blog.LOLs
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:18
yoeeeeeeeeeeehhh.. wkwkwkwk.. ta mo copy paste di blog ahhhh.. lucuuu re'en yahhh kikikikikikik :P
Val complained, that me publishing this thread is merusak her nama baik.. hahaha. I updated my fb status to --just read someone's blog and wonders "what's so cool about flirting around with other girls' boyfriends?? Even if you are a good friend of those boys, that's not an excuse! You are a girl yourself. You got your own bf. Leave them alone and BEHAVE!" *sorry if I sound crossed. Just can't handle such poor non-ladylike atittude*--, val read it and asked..
Val
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:19
Weee memplubikasikan kita pe kedodolan. Btw sapa pe blog tu di status na?
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:22
ahahahah ada vall.. hhhhhhhhh qt cm nda mangarti kyp ada cewe model bgtu.. sebagai sesama cewe, lumayan irritated qt. walaupun nda ada hak to be angry sih, soale nda ada hub dng qt. heuheuhehuhe.. mar nda suka jo noh model bgt.. not a bitch but acting like almost-the-border-line-of-being-a-bitch.. hahaha so irritating..
guess who's that! ;p
Dari cerita muter2 bingung, sampe akhirnya main tebak2an :p
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:23
Hee nntau le.. Sapa, qt kanal??
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:24
menurut nn dang???
*asiiikkkk.. bekeng org penasaran nananananananaaa..*
Valen is teased..haha
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:26
Eeee berdosa, cuma bkng penasaran. I didn't care at first, cuma demi penasaran jo, sapa ini qt kanal kaang??
Sent via Facebook Mobile
and I pretty much enjoyed teasing her :D
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:27
what do you think?? *wink wink*
Korban menyerah angkat bendera putih..
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:29
I really have no one in mind.. Nda ja iko blog le qt. Hee somo tidor laju jo
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Karena kasiang pa val, qt kase bocoran.. now I am being a good friend rite? :p But I censored the itsy bitsy secrecy parts, replacing them with **CENCORED**. Sorry guys, it's 17++ only!!
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:33
io.. qt le nda sengaja dapa dp blog.. dp nama starts with **CENSORED**, **CENSORED** huruf.. so banya komang dp clue.. ;)
apparently val is off to bed... ahhhh, gantung.. skrg malah gua yg penasaran!! wkwkwk.. we'll see tomorrow! ;)
Angel Mogie 02 August at 23:29
Paleeennn..
Mo minta tolonggg... huhuhuhu. Kita p struk AEROPOSTALE ta da dapa buang pa nn p trash can sto noh. Kalo nt nda mind tolong lia akang dang kalo masi ada.. tu struk stand out skali.. ada garis merah muda basar (tanda so musti ganti rol struk baru dang). Mar kalo nt p tampa sampah so ta tambah barang2 laen.. nda usah jo.. I don't wanna make u dig on the rubbish..hehehehe. Cm kalo dapa2lia, tolong punggu akang.. sama dng pengemis kita jo kang..wkwkwkw.. Sori skaliiiiii.. dont mean to make u go through your trash can >.< cm kalo dapa2lia jo (and kalo nda kotor), minta tolong simpan akang.. again,soriiiiii...
btw, lupa bilang kyapa.. hahaha. one of the jeans yg qt bli kwa longgar.. tiap 10 langkah musti tarek2 ka atas. pas coba nda dapa rasa dp longgar.. ternyata pake bajalang br dapa rasa. jadi atik da mo rencana exchange di outlet d ohio. bgtyu.. merci!!
Alen Polii 03 August at 17:43
mojay, nn yakin da buang di tampa sampa? soalnya qt da udek2 nda ada no.. masih sto kwa di depe tas, oto, ato dompet? ato popoji calana nn da pake tuhari nda? co cari ulang..
di sini ada depe tag 24.50 Very Be XS/TP.. mar bukang struk dng nda ada garis merah muda besar...
Angel Mogie 03 August at 20:58
aduuuh ksiang.. kyapa so sampe aduk2 t4 sampah dang nn?? soriiiiiiii soriiiiiiiiiiiii >.< nda bermaksud ksiang.. qt p mksd kalo ada kong dapa2 lia, tolong punggu kong simpan akang. mar kalo nda, biar jo npp.. soriiiiii skli so sampe bekeng nn aduk2 trash can =(
biar jo val npp. maybe so ta taruh d mana sto ta so nentau ley. nanti kalo pulang indo dec qt mo fermak jo.. btw THANK YOU BERRY BERRY MUCH NEEEEE.. kasiang, ta da bekeng org pe anak udek2 tampa sampa -_-
Then we started talking about my plan on this coming Saturday.. About Ray coming and staying overnight and then jalan-jalan ke aquarium
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:08
Ya elah cuma itu le, hehehe biasa jo. Qt pe sampa le kering.. Btw soal aquarium nnti qt tanya pa arya dulu ne. Jam brp rencana mo cabut dari aquarium?
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 21:10
torang sih rencana pagi2 so di akuarium.. mo usahakan by 9am, latest 10am. soale pengen secepatnya cabut bale OH si ray. kita sih mo nginep satu malam le di MD boleh mo manjo.. kwkwwkkw.. eh, agustus 14 so maso skola blm?? main2 ke ohio yukkkksss.. skalian ada food bazaar ^^
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:12
Mksdnya sabtu ke aquarium to. Nn mau nginep di md mlm apa?
Hehehe nn kirim pa qt tu food bazaar cuma bkng ngiler jo!
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 21:14
jumat mlm.. makanyaaaaaaaaaaa.. road trip k columbus jo, dng arya.. yuks yuks yuksssss ^^
Then for some reasons Val got confused
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:15
He? Mksdnya jumat mlm ka md, kong sabtu aquarium di baltimore? Bola bale dang nt??
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 21:44
kan ray sampe jumat sore.. malam stay d sini. sabtu pagi br k aquarium, then sore2 so cabs k Ohio. gityuu.. hhehehe
Then she got even more confused..
Alen Polii 03 August at 21:55
Nn bilang mau nginep sabtu mlm di md itu sabtu mlm dang? Mar nmbole lntrn somo bale, bgtu? Haha dodol qt ehhh
Sent via Facebook Mobile
and I was so confused that she got confused.. wew
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:10
eehh?? *bingo* wkwkwkwk.. bakudapa di ketemu tong pe bcrt ini.. rupa kucing cari tangka ekor sandiri, taputar2.. wkwkwkwkwkw
ray sampe jumat sore.. nginep d sini jumat malam. sabtu pagi k aquarium, sabtu sore cabs k cols..
Now she got it... hahaha
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:15
hahahahhahahahha kita so MANGARTI skrang!
qt pe kira pas nn da bilang MD di -->kita sih mo nginep satu malam le di MD boleh mo manjo -- msdknya mo nginep sini di Frederick. Baltimore le kan masih MD wakakaka
msdnya nn klo mo nginep satu mlm tu sabtu le npp, mar ray tu mau bale sabtu kang..
hahaha sampe panjang bagini do tu thread
I thought it's so funny it worth posting this thread on my blog.LOLs
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:18
yoeeeeeeeeeeehhh.. wkwkwkwk.. ta mo copy paste di blog ahhhh.. lucuuu re'en yahhh kikikikikikik :P
Val complained, that me publishing this thread is merusak her nama baik.. hahaha. I updated my fb status to --just read someone's blog and wonders "what's so cool about flirting around with other girls' boyfriends?? Even if you are a good friend of those boys, that's not an excuse! You are a girl yourself. You got your own bf. Leave them alone and BEHAVE!" *sorry if I sound crossed. Just can't handle such poor non-ladylike atittude*--, val read it and asked..
Val
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:19
Weee memplubikasikan kita pe kedodolan. Btw sapa pe blog tu di status na?
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:22
ahahahah ada vall.. hhhhhhhhh qt cm nda mangarti kyp ada cewe model bgtu.. sebagai sesama cewe, lumayan irritated qt. walaupun nda ada hak to be angry sih, soale nda ada hub dng qt. heuheuhehuhe.. mar nda suka jo noh model bgt.. not a bitch but acting like almost-the-border-line-of-being-a-bitch.. hahaha so irritating..
guess who's that! ;p
Dari cerita muter2 bingung, sampe akhirnya main tebak2an :p
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:23
Hee nntau le.. Sapa, qt kanal??
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:24
menurut nn dang???
*asiiikkkk.. bekeng org penasaran nananananananaaa..*
Valen is teased..haha
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:26
Eeee berdosa, cuma bkng penasaran. I didn't care at first, cuma demi penasaran jo, sapa ini qt kanal kaang??
Sent via Facebook Mobile
and I pretty much enjoyed teasing her :D
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:27
what do you think?? *wink wink*
Korban menyerah angkat bendera putih..
Alen Polii 03 August at 22:29
I really have no one in mind.. Nda ja iko blog le qt. Hee somo tidor laju jo
Sent via Facebook Mobile
Karena kasiang pa val, qt kase bocoran.. now I am being a good friend rite? :p But I censored the itsy bitsy secrecy parts, replacing them with **CENCORED**. Sorry guys, it's 17++ only!!
Angel Mogie 03 August at 22:33
io.. qt le nda sengaja dapa dp blog.. dp nama starts with **CENSORED**, **CENSORED** huruf.. so banya komang dp clue.. ;)
apparently val is off to bed... ahhhh, gantung.. skrg malah gua yg penasaran!! wkwkwk.. we'll see tomorrow! ;)
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
(sedikit) mengobati rasa kangen..
Rica rodo is one of Minahasan cuisines that has its supper yummy savour that makes me drool every time I think of it. Just FYI, "Minahasan" is the maain ethnicity in Manado. So, if someone says "oh itu makanan Manado", it is most likely Minahasan food that they meant. Ahh, I am missing Minahasan delicasies so so soooo badly..
so, yea, today I decided to cook. No other food but that one that I have been craving for since last semester- yes, that one that I mentioned before: RICA RODO
I had to do a little adjustment to the recipie due to the unavailability of some of the ingredients esp the spicies. Yet the result wasnt so bad, actually, better that my expectation.
and let me introduce you... RICA RODO!!!! :D
In case you were wondering what's mixed in that bowl:
- bacon
- green beans
- eggplant
- corn
- (lotssss) of chili
- lemongrass
- onion
- shallot
- ginger
- salt and sugar
- a bit of chicken buillion
- vegetable oil
bon appetite!
so, yea, today I decided to cook. No other food but that one that I have been craving for since last semester- yes, that one that I mentioned before: RICA RODO
I had to do a little adjustment to the recipie due to the unavailability of some of the ingredients esp the spicies. Yet the result wasnt so bad, actually, better that my expectation.
and let me introduce you... RICA RODO!!!! :D
In case you were wondering what's mixed in that bowl:
- bacon
- green beans
- eggplant
- corn
- (lotssss) of chili
- lemongrass
- onion
- shallot
- ginger
- salt and sugar
- a bit of chicken buillion
- vegetable oil
bon appetite!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Lord, I surrender..
Fourth of July, to me it is not more than “a week from DAT test”. You could call me an Asian geek if you wish. I wouldn’t be pissed off, neither would I deny it. I am kind of, or kind of very, nerdy. Don’t get me wrong by thinking I love studying- meh. Though, I admit that I always like and second the idea of learning, that there’s no limit of age or time to it. I hold true that there’s no such thing as wasting time when it comes to education. Additionally, knowledge has to be passed on to the next generations for it to be the most useful. That’s also the reason of this rather new passion that sparked in my heart while I am studying in the land of Uncle Sam- becoming a lecturer. It might sound idealistic to you. In fact, it did sound vague to me when my little “hati nurani” spitted out that idea to my brain. I wasn’t expecting my family to take me seriously about that so-called wild dream of mine, considering how corrupted and unappreciative my beloved country is. I have nothing against Indonesia—the land where my soul rests and my love anchors. Otherwise, I wouldn’t want to go back, not to mention teaching, there after being pampered by a good standard of living for two years in the UK and three years (and still counting) in the States. The fact that my home land country is not in a very “good shape” as a nation can only be accepted true by its people. I personally think that keep ignoring the illness of Indonesia will not be any kind of help at all. Fake patriotism, like we all can see in those nonsense s****d extreme groups, is not what our country needs. In order to be strong, we need to understand and admit our weaknesses first. We have too many NATO, No Action Talk Only, in our government and society. Stop talking and complaining! Move your ass and do something!
Uh oh, that was a little off the topic. Where are we now? What were we talking about, again? This always happens every time I start to talk so seriously in my blog *giggle giggle*
Oh ya, me being a geek. That was the topic. I should have just hit directly to it but just as a TV programs have ads, my blog has some little ads about my side thought. Clearly out of the scope, but hey, who cares. It’s my blog anyway. Lol. Anyhow..
Yesterday I was very upset. There were too many these and that happened to me here in Baltimore. I have no intention to not be grateful, after all the blessings I have received from the Lord, I swear! Life is just tough (sure you’ve heard that excuse eh? Ehm). Growing up is not a comfortable experience, I must say. To keep the long whining short and simple— I was in the down-est situation (by far I am here in Baltimore, MD). Many nerve-wracking incidents happened consecutively. Having unbalance emotion due to my monthly period clearly did not help me to feel any easy. I tried (sometimes pretended, to be honest with you) to be wise and told myself that “there’s something good you will learn from all these”. I do believe that there are good stuff worth learning from the challenges I faced. But my human being is just a bulk of flesh. And the size of my heart is, unfortunately, not infinitely big. In tears I trembled. After talking to my dad over the phone I just thought “that would be it. I do not want to stay in the USA for any longer. After Kenyon, I am going home!” Ray video called me afterwards and I just couldn’t hold my tears anymore. I burst in tears, couldn’t even speak straight because I was sobbing so hard. Ray was looking at me in pity. Trying to cheer me up though he knew there’s nothing much he could do but listen to me. I have to deal with it. My soul has to face the fact that the process of maturing is not always delicious, like my favorite banana bread. I was at the point where there is no better person who can help me grasping a better comprehension of my life journey, than myself (with the aid from God, of course). At least, I was lucky enough that technology is so well advanced now, I could have Ray providing me comfort although just virtually. A soul is just like a body, can be exhausted too.
Despite all that theories of “self maturation” and “life journey”, I ended up asking myself: what am I looking for all this time? My ambition to be a great dentist has always been my hiding wall. Every time I felt overwhelmed, I hid behind it. I wasn’t hiding from people. I hid from myself. My brain and my heart were playing their favorite game— hide and seek! I am so ambitious myself that I often ignore my heart. I faked myself out by pretending that I cannot hear my heart screaming, yet can listen to my brain whispering. What is the point of achieving my ambitions while sacrificing the happiness I left behind (at home)? I do not want to take my family for granted for I never know how long I will have them for. I want to be home. I want to be near the ones who my heart belongs to. But giving up on my dream would kill me. I was not raised up that way. How about my life-long motto a man without ambition is like a bird without its wings? I do not know.. Seriously I do not know.. If you asked me, “now, what then?”, I have no clue what my answer should be. I want to study dentistry in the US just as much as I do not want to spend another 4-5 years away from my family. Life is full of tough decisions, isn’t it? I guess the best thing I can do is asking the Man above. Actually not just asking, but let Him decide for me. For he knows my every thoughts and understands me the most.
I don’t know if a plain boring life is much more enjoyable than a rollercoaster-crazy one. I think I’ll just take it as it is then, one at a time.
And Lord, I surrender.
Uh oh, that was a little off the topic. Where are we now? What were we talking about, again? This always happens every time I start to talk so seriously in my blog *giggle giggle*
Oh ya, me being a geek. That was the topic. I should have just hit directly to it but just as a TV programs have ads, my blog has some little ads about my side thought. Clearly out of the scope, but hey, who cares. It’s my blog anyway. Lol. Anyhow..
Yesterday I was very upset. There were too many these and that happened to me here in Baltimore. I have no intention to not be grateful, after all the blessings I have received from the Lord, I swear! Life is just tough (sure you’ve heard that excuse eh? Ehm). Growing up is not a comfortable experience, I must say. To keep the long whining short and simple— I was in the down-est situation (by far I am here in Baltimore, MD). Many nerve-wracking incidents happened consecutively. Having unbalance emotion due to my monthly period clearly did not help me to feel any easy. I tried (sometimes pretended, to be honest with you) to be wise and told myself that “there’s something good you will learn from all these”. I do believe that there are good stuff worth learning from the challenges I faced. But my human being is just a bulk of flesh. And the size of my heart is, unfortunately, not infinitely big. In tears I trembled. After talking to my dad over the phone I just thought “that would be it. I do not want to stay in the USA for any longer. After Kenyon, I am going home!” Ray video called me afterwards and I just couldn’t hold my tears anymore. I burst in tears, couldn’t even speak straight because I was sobbing so hard. Ray was looking at me in pity. Trying to cheer me up though he knew there’s nothing much he could do but listen to me. I have to deal with it. My soul has to face the fact that the process of maturing is not always delicious, like my favorite banana bread. I was at the point where there is no better person who can help me grasping a better comprehension of my life journey, than myself (with the aid from God, of course). At least, I was lucky enough that technology is so well advanced now, I could have Ray providing me comfort although just virtually. A soul is just like a body, can be exhausted too.
Despite all that theories of “self maturation” and “life journey”, I ended up asking myself: what am I looking for all this time? My ambition to be a great dentist has always been my hiding wall. Every time I felt overwhelmed, I hid behind it. I wasn’t hiding from people. I hid from myself. My brain and my heart were playing their favorite game— hide and seek! I am so ambitious myself that I often ignore my heart. I faked myself out by pretending that I cannot hear my heart screaming, yet can listen to my brain whispering. What is the point of achieving my ambitions while sacrificing the happiness I left behind (at home)? I do not want to take my family for granted for I never know how long I will have them for. I want to be home. I want to be near the ones who my heart belongs to. But giving up on my dream would kill me. I was not raised up that way. How about my life-long motto a man without ambition is like a bird without its wings? I do not know.. Seriously I do not know.. If you asked me, “now, what then?”, I have no clue what my answer should be. I want to study dentistry in the US just as much as I do not want to spend another 4-5 years away from my family. Life is full of tough decisions, isn’t it? I guess the best thing I can do is asking the Man above. Actually not just asking, but let Him decide for me. For he knows my every thoughts and understands me the most.
I don’t know if a plain boring life is much more enjoyable than a rollercoaster-crazy one. I think I’ll just take it as it is then, one at a time.
And Lord, I surrender.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I Don't Wanna Be
I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been tryin to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
I'm the only one who's noticed
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please
if you're not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountains
the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay dust stone
and now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I DONT WANNA BE...
I DONT WANNA BE...
I DONT WANNA BE...
I DONT WANNA BE ANYTHING...
ANYTHING OTHER THAN ME...
I don't wanna be...
I dont't wanna be...
I don't wanna be ...
By. Gavin DeGraw
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been tryin to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
I'm the only one who's noticed
I can't be the only one who's learned
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please
if you're not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountains
the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay dust stone
and now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I DONT WANNA BE...
I DONT WANNA BE...
I DONT WANNA BE...
I DONT WANNA BE ANYTHING...
ANYTHING OTHER THAN ME...
I don't wanna be...
I dont't wanna be...
I don't wanna be ...
By. Gavin DeGraw
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Need HIS favor
Only have 17 days left to study this MUCH for my DAT test. Kind of freaked out now and, of course, stressed out! God have mercy on me, please..
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Boys
The worst feeling you can give to your girlfriend is when you abandon her and the love of two of you for someone new who is phisically more attractive than her.
"Hey, what a new gossip about Angel to talk about!"-- sorry, you shouldn't be too excited! My dodo is not that kind of guy. At least, to my best of knowledge, he isn't a type of guy who can easily be close to new people regardless of the gender. Even, he admitted that he's kind of terrible in communicating with new people (maklum, nick namenya aja "si galak" :p). His lack of sensitivity and highly concentrated "cuek-ness" wracked my nerves a little bit when we just started dating each other. But I trully appreciated his attempts to change. And I realized that it is actually my benefit to have a boy who is not "berbibir manis" ;)
The girl isn't my friend. I knew her because her ex-boyfriend is my buddy. Yes, that bad boy is my friend. In fact, he's a very good friend of mine. He explained to me what actually happened and how hard the situation was for him, that he did not mean to hurt the girl. I understood and have simpathy for him, but I still think he is a B*****D in some ways.
Love is not all about the pounding heart and great feelings that weaken your knees. Understanding, accepting, and serving each other are the three basic needs that ought to be fulfilled for love to be called LOVE.
wish you all the best, girl!
"Hey, what a new gossip about Angel to talk about!"-- sorry, you shouldn't be too excited! My dodo is not that kind of guy. At least, to my best of knowledge, he isn't a type of guy who can easily be close to new people regardless of the gender. Even, he admitted that he's kind of terrible in communicating with new people (maklum, nick namenya aja "si galak" :p). His lack of sensitivity and highly concentrated "cuek-ness" wracked my nerves a little bit when we just started dating each other. But I trully appreciated his attempts to change. And I realized that it is actually my benefit to have a boy who is not "berbibir manis" ;)
The girl isn't my friend. I knew her because her ex-boyfriend is my buddy. Yes, that bad boy is my friend. In fact, he's a very good friend of mine. He explained to me what actually happened and how hard the situation was for him, that he did not mean to hurt the girl. I understood and have simpathy for him, but I still think he is a B*****D in some ways.
Love is not all about the pounding heart and great feelings that weaken your knees. Understanding, accepting, and serving each other are the three basic needs that ought to be fulfilled for love to be called LOVE.
wish you all the best, girl!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Maaf
Kalau esok aku tiada
bukan berarti amarah meraja
bukan pula bukti aku tak bahagia
Aku hanya lelah, lelah berjuang sendiri saja, merana
Jiwa ini bagai rusa muda
haus dia mencari sungai entah dimana
Kokoh kakinya berlari lewati lembah
tanpa sadari jutaan maut di depan sana
Kadang kubertanya
dosakah bila ambisiku terpesona?
Aku, terpukau dengan citra dunia
gemerlap menyiksa butakan manusia
Tapi menyerah itu dongeng belaka
matipun tak rela ku tundukkan ini kepala
Apa ini mimpi ku peluk saja?
sekuat tenaga, sampai senja, kubawa ke neraka
atau ke surga
walau hampa..
bukan berarti amarah meraja
bukan pula bukti aku tak bahagia
Aku hanya lelah, lelah berjuang sendiri saja, merana
Jiwa ini bagai rusa muda
haus dia mencari sungai entah dimana
Kokoh kakinya berlari lewati lembah
tanpa sadari jutaan maut di depan sana
Kadang kubertanya
dosakah bila ambisiku terpesona?
Aku, terpukau dengan citra dunia
gemerlap menyiksa butakan manusia
Tapi menyerah itu dongeng belaka
matipun tak rela ku tundukkan ini kepala
Apa ini mimpi ku peluk saja?
sekuat tenaga, sampai senja, kubawa ke neraka
atau ke surga
walau hampa..
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Summer in the Land of Mary
Here I am in Baltimore, the Land of Mary aka Maryland! Having to spend the weekend with Ray, Val, and Arya was a great summer break- though it was very short.
Now I am back to 'normal' life. What I mean by normal is a student geeky life. By God's grace I got a research in University of Maryland School of Medicine (UMB). I am in Dr. Svetlana Chapoval's lab at the moment, working with a Post-doc student from Cameroon (who is extremly kind :). The Microbiology and Immunology lab I am working in is very interesting (tho' it's a bit intimidating coz it's so big and full with post-doc students and MD-PhD Profs.). To keep the story short, our lab focuses on sema 4D proteins and its relation to asthma and lung cancer. Having to experienced the harshness of asthma couple of years ago, the excitement to be part of this lab is all over me!
I am trully blessed. Not only that I got a spot for summer research in such a big university, which dental school is the BEST in the US, but also God helped me through this SUPER kind lady who welcomed me to stay at her house during my 2-months research. I call her Marjorie. She is the assistant vice president of research in UMB and lives 10-mins away from where I work. Not only that I do not have to spend money on housing, but also she offers me a ride! I told ya', she's a super kind lady! :)
She gives me a ride every Tues and Thurs morning, on Mon Wed and Fri I catch the train because she leaves the house at 6am on those days (too early for a non-morning person like me). Going home is much easier. I get out of the lab at around 5.30pm and she is finished with work at 6pm. Half an hour waiting is really not a big of a deal. Her house is so big that I got scared at night when she is already on bed. Yea I am a chicken I know. The thing about her house is, it's not only big but it's an old (yet elegant) wooden house. Now you cannot make fun of me! Doger is her lovely 13-years old black labrador- a spoiled plumpy dog who loves getting a belly rub ;D
So here goes my summer story. It's going to be a Mon-to-Fri lab from 9am-5.30pm, studying for DAT test in the evenings, church on Sunday, and some experiments on new recipies maybe? It's going to be a busy yet fun and productive summer. I hope this excitement lasts until the 7th of August!
Thank you God for taking a good care of me.
~angel
Now I am back to 'normal' life. What I mean by normal is a student geeky life. By God's grace I got a research in University of Maryland School of Medicine (UMB). I am in Dr. Svetlana Chapoval's lab at the moment, working with a Post-doc student from Cameroon (who is extremly kind :). The Microbiology and Immunology lab I am working in is very interesting (tho' it's a bit intimidating coz it's so big and full with post-doc students and MD-PhD Profs.). To keep the story short, our lab focuses on sema 4D proteins and its relation to asthma and lung cancer. Having to experienced the harshness of asthma couple of years ago, the excitement to be part of this lab is all over me!
I am trully blessed. Not only that I got a spot for summer research in such a big university, which dental school is the BEST in the US, but also God helped me through this SUPER kind lady who welcomed me to stay at her house during my 2-months research. I call her Marjorie. She is the assistant vice president of research in UMB and lives 10-mins away from where I work. Not only that I do not have to spend money on housing, but also she offers me a ride! I told ya', she's a super kind lady! :)
She gives me a ride every Tues and Thurs morning, on Mon Wed and Fri I catch the train because she leaves the house at 6am on those days (too early for a non-morning person like me). Going home is much easier. I get out of the lab at around 5.30pm and she is finished with work at 6pm. Half an hour waiting is really not a big of a deal. Her house is so big that I got scared at night when she is already on bed. Yea I am a chicken I know. The thing about her house is, it's not only big but it's an old (yet elegant) wooden house. Now you cannot make fun of me! Doger is her lovely 13-years old black labrador- a spoiled plumpy dog who loves getting a belly rub ;D
So here goes my summer story. It's going to be a Mon-to-Fri lab from 9am-5.30pm, studying for DAT test in the evenings, church on Sunday, and some experiments on new recipies maybe? It's going to be a busy yet fun and productive summer. I hope this excitement lasts until the 7th of August!
Thank you God for taking a good care of me.
~angel
Monday, April 5, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
senandung
Kulalui hari dengan jiwa yang resah
bertanya adakah berharga kuperjuangkan ini semua
Tak kupahami maksud hati, apa maunya
memang begini adanya, apa daya bila merana
Esok enggan kujelang
karena beratnya hari tak sanggup ku papah
Kalau harus kubiarkan melodi itu berdendang
kan ikut bernyanyi aku, bernyanyi sampai lelah
Apa itu baik, apa itu bijaksana?
terlalu naif mudaku ini tuk pahami makna
Ternyata yang baik itu memang tak selalu indah
hidup tak pernah janji dia kan selalu bahagia
Bahkan laut tak menjamin tiada badai di indahnya samudra
angin sepoi pun bisa marah dan luluh lantak kan semua
bumi sumber kehidupan, bergoncang dia dan renggut jiwa
bagaimana harus kutahu kalau harus begini akhirnya
jiwa yang indah akan selalu ada di sana
di tanganNya kuletakkan cintaku yang seutuhnya
aku rela..
benarkah?
bertanya adakah berharga kuperjuangkan ini semua
Tak kupahami maksud hati, apa maunya
memang begini adanya, apa daya bila merana
Esok enggan kujelang
karena beratnya hari tak sanggup ku papah
Kalau harus kubiarkan melodi itu berdendang
kan ikut bernyanyi aku, bernyanyi sampai lelah
Apa itu baik, apa itu bijaksana?
terlalu naif mudaku ini tuk pahami makna
Ternyata yang baik itu memang tak selalu indah
hidup tak pernah janji dia kan selalu bahagia
Bahkan laut tak menjamin tiada badai di indahnya samudra
angin sepoi pun bisa marah dan luluh lantak kan semua
bumi sumber kehidupan, bergoncang dia dan renggut jiwa
bagaimana harus kutahu kalau harus begini akhirnya
jiwa yang indah akan selalu ada di sana
di tanganNya kuletakkan cintaku yang seutuhnya
aku rela..
benarkah?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Elus dada
I was really upset today.
Life is full of surprises. Some are good and some are bad, if not heart breaking. I did not expect to hear such bad news from home. I don't understand him. He needs to grow up!
Life is full of surprises. Some are good and some are bad, if not heart breaking. I did not expect to hear such bad news from home. I don't understand him. He needs to grow up!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
can't wait!
It's been a while since the last time I wrote. I have been abandoning my blog, I know. Being a junior at college is busier that I thought it would be. I am taking six classes this semester, including an independent lab. Plus, having a boyfriend clearly takes your time as well (not to mention the energy used!).
It is still snowing outside. So much snow since last Friday and I have never seen this much snow in my life. We have got about 1 foot tall of snow perhaps and it doesn't happen often. I kinda like winter this year. Yesterday Sally and I went sledding for the first time. Man, that was so much funnnnnn.. Though the snow kinda bite my butt but I just enjoyed playing in the snow. Didn't realize it until yesterday. How "udik" I am. lol. So yea, Sally, Phan, and I and maybe couple of other friends are going to sled again this coming Friday. This time we are going to a hill near Kenyon- we need a steeper hill to bust our adrenalin! I am already super excited for that! Can't wait! :)
Valentine is coming. I wasn't expecting to do anything special during that day. My boy isn't a Shakespeare (read: far from romantic!) that's what I know for sure. He asked me on Sunday what I wanted for Valentine and he answered his own question saying "Let's go out for a dinner!". I did not take it seriously, cause I know who he is. And I just don't want to put too much hope I guess. But guess what! Yesterday he told me that he already booked a restaurant. I was surprised, indeed! I can see that he is trying his best to be less of a "cuek" boyfriend and I really appreciate it hon! =) Although the only seats available are at 9.45pm, I don't mind at all. His intention is the true gift for me. That is one thing that most boys don't understand about a girl. We, girls, or at least me, are not looking for expensive gifts. We just want to see your intention and efforts! Your sincerity is what makes us feel loved. Little surprises? Those are the best! Doesn't have to be fancy at all. Just show us that you do care about us and want to make us smile, surely you'll make us melt!
A birthday surprise last year and now a valentine dinner is on its way. Let's see how it will go. He is graduating soon and most likely going home for good if he found no job upon graduation. I just want to have a good time with my boo. Just want to embrace the remaining time we have together to the most. So ya, something to be excited about! Can't wait!
It is still snowing outside. So much snow since last Friday and I have never seen this much snow in my life. We have got about 1 foot tall of snow perhaps and it doesn't happen often. I kinda like winter this year. Yesterday Sally and I went sledding for the first time. Man, that was so much funnnnnn.. Though the snow kinda bite my butt but I just enjoyed playing in the snow. Didn't realize it until yesterday. How "udik" I am. lol. So yea, Sally, Phan, and I and maybe couple of other friends are going to sled again this coming Friday. This time we are going to a hill near Kenyon- we need a steeper hill to bust our adrenalin! I am already super excited for that! Can't wait! :)
Valentine is coming. I wasn't expecting to do anything special during that day. My boy isn't a Shakespeare (read: far from romantic!) that's what I know for sure. He asked me on Sunday what I wanted for Valentine and he answered his own question saying "Let's go out for a dinner!". I did not take it seriously, cause I know who he is. And I just don't want to put too much hope I guess. But guess what! Yesterday he told me that he already booked a restaurant. I was surprised, indeed! I can see that he is trying his best to be less of a "cuek" boyfriend and I really appreciate it hon! =) Although the only seats available are at 9.45pm, I don't mind at all. His intention is the true gift for me. That is one thing that most boys don't understand about a girl. We, girls, or at least me, are not looking for expensive gifts. We just want to see your intention and efforts! Your sincerity is what makes us feel loved. Little surprises? Those are the best! Doesn't have to be fancy at all. Just show us that you do care about us and want to make us smile, surely you'll make us melt!
A birthday surprise last year and now a valentine dinner is on its way. Let's see how it will go. He is graduating soon and most likely going home for good if he found no job upon graduation. I just want to have a good time with my boo. Just want to embrace the remaining time we have together to the most. So ya, something to be excited about! Can't wait!
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