from teaching to almost 5 glasses of red wine

went to teach a "bimbel" group today-- a group of Christian academists who are passionate about sharing their knowledge to those who can't afford to pay "luxury" bimbingan belajar. Edo picked me up after church and we taught these four educationally hungry, grade nine, kids. While the little boys were such cute imps, teasing me while I was teaching..hehehe. I was so excited teaching biology, about the genetic stuff (my speciality ^__^). Mitosis and meiosis. That was a loooong time ago when I dealt with ya guys! Still fresh in my mind, those vocabs, wonders, and greatnest of science! Ahhhh I am such a nerd and I don't mind at all! No one will realize the beauty of natural science until you dedicated almost half of your live serving the field. Oh, and it was my first time after about 10 years riding a motorcycle. Was scared but fun #palmface,giggle (=

And just got back from a dinner. My sis' fiance's aunty and uncle and couple cousins asked us out for a fancy Korean dinner somewhere in the west side of Surabaya. The food was good. I've always enjoyed Korean delicacies. And the wine was good too, hehe.. I just think I've had a little too much that now my head is so heavy. I've deleted lotsa typos while writing this post, I should go to bed.

november is around the corner. cant wait to see my dodo honey =)))


tipsy, just a lil..
njl

flowless words

Longing for the moments when the excitement of writing was beyond explanation-- hope the lips of my heart won't be as cold as those of my brain.

chill
~njl

him, not him

listening to coldplay's "The Scientist" and recalling all the AC memories-- reminds me of him too. I hope life is treating him well somewhere there in the land of the Queen (=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqWLpTKBFcU

Blame it on the boogie

I know I shouln't be writing here.. But I just can't help myself.

In the middle of midterms (people here call it UTS) and I literally have no pressure to study. AT ALL.

I hope people don't get me wrong-- as if I am underestimating Law. It's just that when one does something with no interest in it, one will tend to do it half-heartedly.

Can I put the blame on the boogie this time then?

R.a.y

These feelings are hard to explain
yet losing you is insanity, I can't afford
Have I no reason to blame, to complain
But the night can sometimes get too cold

My soul longs for the inevitable
reaching you not might the spark perish
Rainbow fades and it's uncontrollable
til all just memory the sky may cherish

Writing too long of a love song
can make your fingers crimp, blemish
still mouth can't recite a sweet "so long"
'cause in heart planted all promise

without you the world is a tyranny
and emptiness would give me company

october breeze

sometimes..
when silence is the only explanation
to your wandering thoughts
you'd beg for the night to be longer
stay darker, go colder

Restless soul is not an option
for my heart was never an harbor
Love is a game, complexion
of which life takes heart to ponder

I dwell in my estate of self
thinking of my deed, ain't branching?
If I no longer crave
what is it to do with the pounding?

Never I lack of anything
those hard words I wish I could erase
Yet these feelings can't I elaborate
because there should be no disgrace

my love my one and my only
should I say I was made for you solely?
No matter what comes, come what may!
our heart as one, no one can bring dismay

Feb 26th, 2009

Another wholehartedly written poem by me. It amazes me how much memories a poem brings by just reading it through. And it reminds me to be grateful about my complicated yet sweet love story. So blessed to have you in my life, R. I can truly see the way God takes care of me and my heart through you *hug*

Banyak bunga baru yang tumbuh
namun yang kusuka hanya satu
Kuning kecil daffodil itu
bagiku yang terindah walau cepat sekali layu

Musim panas tak bertahan dia
Musim dingin tiada bermekaran kuncupnya
Hujan musim semi membuatnya berbunga
walau hanya sesaat, ah kunikmati saja

Mendamba yang datang dan pergi sesuka hati
bagai mencoba memeluk awan mengelus pelangi
semua yang indah dan nyaman bagai mimpi di malam sunyi
saat mentari terjaga dari tidurnya, lenyaplah ia bagai embun pagi

Mencinta yang tak pernah nyata, bagai bayang
layaknya menggenggam pasir untuk kau bawa pulang
Lembut dan hangat dia setelah terbakar terik siang
namun belum pula di persimpangan, semua pasir sudah jatuh dan hilang

Sang pencinta sendiri bagai bayu dia
laksana sungai mengalir saja menuruti bumi entah kemana
Satu yang pasti setelah semua perjalanan panjangnya
akan berpadu dia dengan sang samudera, entah yang mana

Bila pujangga telah lelah merangkai kata
nama apakah yanga akan diberikan padanya?
Cinta suci itu tak terbagi, layaknya pujangga yang tak kan habis kata
hanya saja bisa berpindah semua puisi, lagu, dan cinta
pada hati yang siap mencinta dan menerima setulus jiwa, entah siapa

Daffodil tak bisa hidup di atas pasir
Pujangga tak mungkin selamanya menggantung mimpi di awan
Sungai ini sepertinya hendak mencapai hilir
dia bercabang, ah sekarang aku ada di persimpangan!

unspoken words

I was randomly screening my books I brought from the States this morning. I love good books and I found books a great hiding place. I miss the moment when I can just burry my nose behind my books and none will dare to say a thing--- coz that's just a typical day at Kenyon. You cannot be too nerdy or to wild of a party rocker. It's a beautiful place where knowledge grows deep inside. When one can learn about life, love, and friendship while being educationally enriched and challenged.

My Kenyon Hill often insipred me to write. I found couple poems I worte a while ago. I found writing very soothing. When my heart is restless and words can't be spoken, I can always run to my pen and paper :) I love writing. Moreover, I love the memory that I can recall from reading my writings in the years after. Here goes just a few of the poems I wrote with a glimpse of story behind them..

this was the transition stage.. from "a broken heart" to "embracing a new love story". I was in disguise and don't want to completely move. Was welcoming one, yet cannot let go the other one. Ahhhhh love is really a game of the fools

Gejolak itu datang lagi
Menambah yang pernah ada
Membuat hati bergetar lagi
Namun kubetranya..

Adakah nyata semua harap
Ataukah cuma aku yang terpesona?
Jiwa ini lelah dengan asa yang sekejap
Karena mendamba bagiku itu segenap jiwa

Dia yang tak mungkin kurengkuh, tak kuasa kulepas
Walau tak bersama, memori indah tetap terjaga
Selesai sudah, selesai sudah ku berkemas
Sudah siap aku, utuh cintaku, tuk berlabuh di sana

Adakah yang di sana itu nyata?
21 feb 2009


then I felt down again.. realizing that it wasnt easy for my broken heart to pretend to be jolly =(

Disini aku kembali lagi
Dengan asa yang masih terukuir terpatri
Salju jatuh perlahan, menyentuh bumi
Aku dengan sejuta perasaan, menanti yang tak pasti

Pohon yang sama, ranting yang sama
Tegar berdiri lewati ragamnya musim
Akankah bertahan hasrat di dada
Terluka mendamba cinta yang tak mungkin?
Feb 2009



the new one comes like a wind-- comes and go as he wished. Maybe that is not the best way to describe him. But I still remember the way he made me struggle with those up and down feelings. Yet slowly for sure, he was taking my world over.. turning my gloomy winter days into spring afternoons-- with lots of flower, yet still some rain.


Mengapa kau datang mengetuk
Kalau jadinya tak pernah mau masuk
Sesaat terasa seolah kau menanti
Terkadang terpikir bahwa kau tak peduli

Banyak Tanya berhimpitan di dada
Hatimu padaku ataukah padanya?
Walau sering kau tunjukkan perhatian dan sayang
Tetap saja ragu mengikuti sukma, bagai bayang

Mencinta bagiku itu segenap jiwa
Jangan biarkan hatiku harap bila itu tak nyata
Bila kau memang sang pujangga
Mengapa sulit bagimu tuk merangkai kata?



Misunderstanding. This stage was the most difficult one duirng our "PDKT" time. hehe.. I thought he was making me an option, and vice versa. So, it was kinda "HTS" yet already being so jealous with each other. Bitter sweet indeed ^__^


Belahan jiwa kemanakah kamu?
Kemarin ada sekarang dimana, ku tak tahu
Bagai langit nakal, kemarin cerah hari ini kelabu
Kau sembunyi hatimu, biarkan gelisah hatiku

Tak lelahkah kau melompat kesana kemari?
Tak letih kah kau menari dari hati ke hati?

Absence

my heart ponders
of what the eyes see
for nobody can answer the questions
and it is "I" who's in process, not we

I am not ignoring the curiosity
yet she decides that I'm not her agency
neither I aim for a brilliant ending
my passion is really what I'm longing

there were times
when ters are the best you can express
and the silence of the night understands
your sorrow more than your beloved ones

my joy was robbed
my passion was raped
in chain they made me smiled
I wished for a piece of mind

ready my soul for its calling
yet in their eyes I am worthless
for dreaming too high, aming too much
can't you just let me Rest In Peace?

if you are real then take me
from this hell to another hell
I won't mind, I would agree
as long as I have my right to spell

is this me? or are you using me?
my life has never been mine
they say "live it up", shall be
but I am not thee