Just had a really really weird nightmare earlier today when I was taking my nap -_-"
So, I started with unsettled heart, which might have been the reason why I ended up hacing such strange dream. I was feeling so down, for some not so obvious reasons. I wanted to talk to R but he was already alseep. So I just cried with my pillow on top of my face. I wonder what was wrong with me. Maybe it is just one the symptoms a graduate-to-be often has. It could be me just having some hormone fluctuation, due to my mothly cycle, that causes emotional inconsistency and sesitivity. Only God knows!
Anyhow, the dream was strange and what makes it even more strange is that I still remember it. Clearly. In details. Which I usually don't.
So, I was in my sister's room, in our house in Surabaya. For some reasons I was alone and the atmosphere in her house was so sketchy. I was trying to sleep when this door was opened by itself (this door does not exists in the real room). It looks like s storage room connected to my sister's bedroom. So I went to close it. But before I did so, I saw a brown mouse, turtle, black parrot (I know! Black parrot! I haven't seen a real one. But I google it and it appears that black parrot does exist!), a multi colour parkeet, and a spirit of whatever it is. I was so scared but I managed to close the door. The door, though, has a big hole and my sister apparently put some boxes to block it. The animals tried to escape through another hole of that door, a smaller hole. They got scared everytime I stared at them, as if they could read my mind. I was so disturbed I decided to take a warm bath. I can't recall exactly what happened in the bathroom. I just remember it was real creepy too. Then I woke up.
I wonder if my dream has meanings. I am a dreamer. And I hardly pass a sleep (night or nap) without having a dream. In fact, I often had deja vu. I wonder what this one means. I hope it doesn't mean anything bad to me or my beloved ones. I'll just take it as the side effect of my emotional explosion. I am so hungry, ah.. Still have an hour and a half till dinner. I should just read my English reading while working, try not to think too much about the dream or concentrate on my hungry tummy. Hmmm, I miss home.
Singing:
"Ooo home.. let me go home.. home is wherever I'm with you.."
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
manquer
Aku kangen my mommy cerewet, daddy tukang pijet, koko memble, gebot pendek, and billy narsis!!!!! Aku juga kangen R and J!!!!!!!
<3 <3 <3
<3 <3 <3
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A Poem for Her
Andai aku bisa membalas semua cinta Mama
Nyatanya tak kan cukup harta sedunia
Gendongan sayangmu, kecup mesramu
Entah dengan apa pantas kuhargai jiwa muliamu
Lelahmu itu, semua demi bahagiaku
Surga ditelapak kakimu, Ma
Anugerah Bapa yang tak ternilai dalam hidupku
Yang buatku tegar, kuat hadapi dunia
Adalah ceramahmu, ketegaranmu, dan kasihmu
Niatku kelak ku biasa bahagiakanmu
Genggam erat jemariku, kuberdoa, kiranya Tuhan kabulkan pintaku
Mungkin telah banyak ku buat kau terluka
Adakah mau kau terima maafku, Ma?
Mungkin tak kan pernah bisa kubalasbesarnya jasamu
Aku hanya bisa doakan mama tuk bahagia selalu:
Semoga Allah Bapa berkati mama
Usia yang panjang dan sejahtera buatnya
Sertai langkahnya setiap hari
Agar menjadi berkat dan selalu diberkati
Naungi dia dengan damai sejahtera
AnugerahMu tercurah atasnya, selamanya
Happy birthday, ma! =)
love you,
njl
Nyatanya tak kan cukup harta sedunia
Gendongan sayangmu, kecup mesramu
Entah dengan apa pantas kuhargai jiwa muliamu
Lelahmu itu, semua demi bahagiaku
Surga ditelapak kakimu, Ma
Anugerah Bapa yang tak ternilai dalam hidupku
Yang buatku tegar, kuat hadapi dunia
Adalah ceramahmu, ketegaranmu, dan kasihmu
Niatku kelak ku biasa bahagiakanmu
Genggam erat jemariku, kuberdoa, kiranya Tuhan kabulkan pintaku
Mungkin telah banyak ku buat kau terluka
Adakah mau kau terima maafku, Ma?
Mungkin tak kan pernah bisa kubalasbesarnya jasamu
Aku hanya bisa doakan mama tuk bahagia selalu:
Semoga Allah Bapa berkati mama
Usia yang panjang dan sejahtera buatnya
Sertai langkahnya setiap hari
Agar menjadi berkat dan selalu diberkati
Naungi dia dengan damai sejahtera
AnugerahMu tercurah atasnya, selamanya
Happy birthday, ma! =)
love you,
njl
Saturday, January 22, 2011
*I miss..
I am at Panera, Bethel, at the moment. Should have arrived here earlier but had to do an oil change before hand. I better get started doing my work. I have so much schoolwork to get done, mainly due to this terrible jetlag I am experiencing right now. But I cannot concentrate. Of course.. That's the reason why I am blogging instead of textbooking right now!
Faslube did the oil change pretty fast. I did some treatments to my care, change the oil, the wipers, the a, b, and c (don't remember what they're called. lol). After oil change, I met wih Om Leo in the parking lot of Sunrise to give him his oleh2 dari indo. Then I headed to Chipotle, Bethel to have my lunch. I passed Dierker Rd. My heart started to pund when I turned right. After making sure that no one is behind me, I slowed down my car. I took my time to look at my right side: Le Mans Apartments. There was where my love used to live, my very first destination everytime I made my long journey from Kenyon to Columbus every weekend, sometimes I cooked for him and his roommie, place where my buddies surprised me for my 22nd Birthday, where I share laughs and tears.. I cannot help myself but crying (Even now, while writing this blog, I am trying so hard to not shed some more tears). I cried. I miss him. I miss having him around during my stay in Columbus. I sopped at the traffic light and I saw Kroger: place where I first had a "memory" with him (kinda first met him there), where we went shopping late at night, we rented Red Box DVD and ended up not watching it (and even get late fees, duh!). My cheek felt even warmer, and wetter. I just wished he was next to me, making some funy faces, while holding my hand (yes, while I am driving!). I forced myself to quit from crying. I managed. Just before I reached Chipotle. Our favorite fast-food resto (or maybe, my fave). I got my all-time fave menu: burito bowl with extra rice, no beans, with pepper & onion, some steaks, salsa, medium, corns, NO avocado of course, and some lettuce. I picked a random seat. But I avoided that low seat in the corner. Our seats. I went to get some H2O, a fork, some napkins, and.. some lemons! I was about to cry again.. This time wasn't because of Ray. I miss that lady who eats chipotle with TONS of lemons. I miss her silly jokes, her laughs, our late night chats, our silliness, our friendship. Columbus is not the same without her. I miss J terribly (oh shoot I am crying again!!).
Too sad, I couldnt finish my bowl. Well, I'd just go to Panera, study. As usual, Panera is crowded. I was debating whether I wanted my "spot" or avoided it to prevent further tear explosion. Couple of old ladies made the decision for me-- they were sitting on those seats. So I went inside the meeting room and here I am typing. I miss R and J SO MUCH. Ahhhh, I dont think I can write any more without making my laptop wet. I just hope I can get whatever I need to get done today. God, have mercy on me!
..them*
angel
Faslube did the oil change pretty fast. I did some treatments to my care, change the oil, the wipers, the a, b, and c (don't remember what they're called. lol). After oil change, I met wih Om Leo in the parking lot of Sunrise to give him his oleh2 dari indo. Then I headed to Chipotle, Bethel to have my lunch. I passed Dierker Rd. My heart started to pund when I turned right. After making sure that no one is behind me, I slowed down my car. I took my time to look at my right side: Le Mans Apartments. There was where my love used to live, my very first destination everytime I made my long journey from Kenyon to Columbus every weekend, sometimes I cooked for him and his roommie, place where my buddies surprised me for my 22nd Birthday, where I share laughs and tears.. I cannot help myself but crying (Even now, while writing this blog, I am trying so hard to not shed some more tears). I cried. I miss him. I miss having him around during my stay in Columbus. I sopped at the traffic light and I saw Kroger: place where I first had a "memory" with him (kinda first met him there), where we went shopping late at night, we rented Red Box DVD and ended up not watching it (and even get late fees, duh!). My cheek felt even warmer, and wetter. I just wished he was next to me, making some funy faces, while holding my hand (yes, while I am driving!). I forced myself to quit from crying. I managed. Just before I reached Chipotle. Our favorite fast-food resto (or maybe, my fave). I got my all-time fave menu: burito bowl with extra rice, no beans, with pepper & onion, some steaks, salsa, medium, corns, NO avocado of course, and some lettuce. I picked a random seat. But I avoided that low seat in the corner. Our seats. I went to get some H2O, a fork, some napkins, and.. some lemons! I was about to cry again.. This time wasn't because of Ray. I miss that lady who eats chipotle with TONS of lemons. I miss her silly jokes, her laughs, our late night chats, our silliness, our friendship. Columbus is not the same without her. I miss J terribly (oh shoot I am crying again!!).
Too sad, I couldnt finish my bowl. Well, I'd just go to Panera, study. As usual, Panera is crowded. I was debating whether I wanted my "spot" or avoided it to prevent further tear explosion. Couple of old ladies made the decision for me-- they were sitting on those seats. So I went inside the meeting room and here I am typing. I miss R and J SO MUCH. Ahhhh, I dont think I can write any more without making my laptop wet. I just hope I can get whatever I need to get done today. God, have mercy on me!
..them*
angel
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
it's 2011
I decided to skip 2 first days of my classes. Not much to lose, I guessed. Or even if I losed a little much, I just simply did not care.
Yesterday I arrived at CMH, wearing a pair of hot pants, a thin blouse, and a clearly-not-enough-for-winter hoody. I also arrived with no heart. For I have left my heart at my beloved ones' hands: 1/3 in Manado, 1/3 in Surabaya, and 1/3 in (as you may bet) Bandung. I knew the other passengers, who were all white people, were probably discussing about my "saltum" alias "Salah Kostum". Which was not really an accident. Neither did I do it on purpose. I just did not want to and could not think sanely on my last day in Indo. If Ko Andy's bro was not with me flying to Changi, I would have probably burst in tears.
Trying to be as wise as I can, I never stop reminding myself that this is going to be a fun semester! Though, schedule-wise it is probably not true. At least I always keep in mind that this might be my last 5 months being in the States, why not enjoy it to its bits? Yesterday, Tante Vera, one of the church members who picked me up at the airport, asked me how long I have been in Ohio. Gosh, I have been living in this land of "dead animals on roads" for nearly four years. Cannot believe this is my fourth year being an Ohio-an. Though I am not into Buckeyes as my other Indonesian fellas may, I still call ohio my second home. No matter how evil the snow storm trying to get your soul sometimes, I am still grateful I have the chance to come, learn, laugh, cry, smile, feel blue, be inspired, get discouraged, find true friends, find my love, undertsand the value of family, be angry, be crazy, be me in this land of America's Heart.
Starting my first day of classes with a letter of rejection from Loma Linda School of Dentistry was not the reason for me to smile. Yet, it is still a reason for me to be thankful. I thank God that I now have less options to be confused with =) I thank God for mom who's been checking on me multiple times since I arrived, and dad who-- as always-- checks every bit of my life as if I were 12 years old girl in a foreign country. haha.. I thank for my friends here and there. Life is good and full of blessings, only if I focus on seeking for its goodness and blessings. I relaized I had been complaining a lot in the past few months last year. So, this year is not gonna be a year of whatever-sounds-big-glorious-or-unreasonable. I simply want my 2011 to be a year of complaints free. Sounds too unreasonable? Let's say, 2011 is a year of complaints reduced to 90%.. Please pray for me to achieve that! =)
merci,
angel
Yesterday I arrived at CMH, wearing a pair of hot pants, a thin blouse, and a clearly-not-enough-for-winter hoody. I also arrived with no heart. For I have left my heart at my beloved ones' hands: 1/3 in Manado, 1/3 in Surabaya, and 1/3 in (as you may bet) Bandung. I knew the other passengers, who were all white people, were probably discussing about my "saltum" alias "Salah Kostum". Which was not really an accident. Neither did I do it on purpose. I just did not want to and could not think sanely on my last day in Indo. If Ko Andy's bro was not with me flying to Changi, I would have probably burst in tears.
Trying to be as wise as I can, I never stop reminding myself that this is going to be a fun semester! Though, schedule-wise it is probably not true. At least I always keep in mind that this might be my last 5 months being in the States, why not enjoy it to its bits? Yesterday, Tante Vera, one of the church members who picked me up at the airport, asked me how long I have been in Ohio. Gosh, I have been living in this land of "dead animals on roads" for nearly four years. Cannot believe this is my fourth year being an Ohio-an. Though I am not into Buckeyes as my other Indonesian fellas may, I still call ohio my second home. No matter how evil the snow storm trying to get your soul sometimes, I am still grateful I have the chance to come, learn, laugh, cry, smile, feel blue, be inspired, get discouraged, find true friends, find my love, undertsand the value of family, be angry, be crazy, be me in this land of America's Heart.
Starting my first day of classes with a letter of rejection from Loma Linda School of Dentistry was not the reason for me to smile. Yet, it is still a reason for me to be thankful. I thank God that I now have less options to be confused with =) I thank God for mom who's been checking on me multiple times since I arrived, and dad who-- as always-- checks every bit of my life as if I were 12 years old girl in a foreign country. haha.. I thank for my friends here and there. Life is good and full of blessings, only if I focus on seeking for its goodness and blessings. I relaized I had been complaining a lot in the past few months last year. So, this year is not gonna be a year of whatever-sounds-big-glorious-or-unreasonable. I simply want my 2011 to be a year of complaints free. Sounds too unreasonable? Let's say, 2011 is a year of complaints reduced to 90%.. Please pray for me to achieve that! =)
merci,
angel
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