The Question

A question needs an answer.

Unfortunately, the answer is not always easy to give. Just like a decision is not always easy to make

fluctuations

I just went through some of my poems. I haven't written a new one since couple months ago. Then I remembered about the unfinished story I started writing about 3 years ago, which I wish to turn into a novel one day. I almost forgot how much I love music, how joyful singing is to me. It's been a while since the last time I wrote a song. Now I am asking my self, is that why I have been feeling so less passionate about my life lately? . Am I really determined to be a molecular biologist, despite the fired brain it (BIOL 263) gives me? I would like to believe that being a Mol Bio major is something I enjoy, yet that would be such a big lie! Not that I hate the classes tho'. It is just that I do not feel the groove, you know. Ughh, I bet the Physics exam I had today is the source of these down feelings >.< I hope my confidence will not be hiding for too long. My soul, please be motivated!

or, should I be an artist instead? :p

Like You'll Never See Me Again

by. Alicia Keys

If I had no more time
uNo more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like yo'll never see me again

Oh Oh Oh

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again
(like you'll never see me again)

Oh oh oh oh oh


another song that is now stuck in my head, besides SHE's "Selingkuh Sekali Saja" (no hidden meaning! LOL). Unlike the latter song, I do like Ms. Keys' beautiful yet somewhat gloomy song for some reasons.

thank you note

Dear You

I just would like to thank you for today. The conversation was unexpected to both of us, I would guess. Neither I planed to end up telling you the core of my story in such details and, I bet, nor you thought I would do so.

Thank you for listening to me, for being so patient with me. Thank you for your suggestions and sincere consolations. For being blunt about the truth and yet for the jokes. You know, at this point, I think only you show such concern and understanding to me (besides God, of course). Could it be because we have similar ways of thinking in analyzing this particular issue? Maybe. Yet, I would love to thank you for your time- for letting me interrupt your "Confession of Shopaholic" . Thanks for being a good listener to the whining angel. You probably did not notice it, but I was very down at that time and having you to talk to did help a lot. Thanks for a good friendship. I really appreciate it! And you know you can always count on me whenever you feel like you need someone to share.. :)

again, thanks.
~angel

dear you

why the closer it gets, the more complicated it becomes?

I thought as the "due date" is coming, things are going to become much clearer and more comprehensible. Apparently, it is getting much more nerve racking- completely the opposite from what expected! Is it meant to be this way for a good start? Or, rather, does it have to be this way for a wiser ending? It would be such a pity if it has to end this way. Not only that it has not even been started yet, but also the way it terminates just won't be good for any of us (especially in terms of future correspondence). Hard feelings and resentments. I am trying to avoid them as much as I can, no matter whether we are destined to be together or not. But I guess, to ignore the emotional fluctuations related to someone I dear so much, is simply beyond my capability as a human being. Well, if it has to come to an end this soon, I would take it as God's re-direction. He just doesn't want me to settle for less than His best :) Though, I can tell and will not deny that it might break my heart and hurt me so much, so very much that I just don't want to think about it. I won't blame anyone but my self- for letting myself became emotionally attached to him. A good friend of mine once said, "If you dare to love, you must dare to hurt!". Yet one thing for sure, God will walk it through with me and, at the end of the day, I will be just fine!


we will see..

simply like the statement below..

Juste parce que quelqu'un ne vous aime pas la manière que vous les voulez à, ne signifie pas qu'ils ne vous aiment pas avec tous ils ont

Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have

outta control!

Welcome back!

After a while resigning from my blog, I decided to write again. Really, nothing creative or interesting facts to share this time. I am just so overwhelmed and thought writing would probably help me to calm down, hopefully.

First of all, it's almost the first week of school. So much work already, especially my Organic Chem class. But I shouldn't complain really, for I knew it is going to be a tough, if not savage, class- both the subject and the professor. I have heard the "legends" about that class from many friends who took it last year. At least I am mentally prepared to face its torture!

Second of all, there have been many non-academic related issues going on. Some of them are soaking up my energy, not to mention me being jet lagged. A couple of them are driving me nuts, for real! It never occur in my mind that anyone would ever be able to break my bank account and use it without my permission a.k.a steal my money!! Geez.. I was in a serious panic mode when I figured that out yesterday afternoon. That heartless person bought stuff from iTunes, three times. I knew it was a theft, right away, coz I never ordered anything from iTunes. I do not even have an account there!!

I called the Bank and the lady, whom I was talking to, was being very nice and helpful to me. However, I just got a call from her about an hour ago telling me that the person who made the purchases in apple store must have had the card with him/her (coz the person did also enter the 3 digits security number on the back of my card!). I cannot think of anyone borrowing my card or even touched my wallet. Neither did my card ever go missing. Ahhhh, my brain is so fried right now!

I need to run to the bank after writing this to sign some paper works (which hopefully will be of any help).. then organic chem lab the whole afternoon.. then studying for tomorrow's 2 quizes (yes, already!). I swear to God I am trying so hard not to whine on my first week of classes but, oh well, I am just a human I guess. I am not immune to stress..

wish me luck!