yellow mellow oh blue fellow

Seharian sudah aku, atau lebih tepatnya hatiku, mencoba menjelaskan pada otak yang keras kepala tentang apa yang sebenarnya sedang menggundah gulanakan jiwa. Sejenak, tak bisa ku bedakan antara sedih dan senang. Seperti mati rasa saja. Mungkin nalar manusiaku lupa bagaimana menterjemahkan not not balok, nada-nada dari drama musikal hidupku. Otakku rasanya seperti ompong, tidak bisa mengunyah aneka ragam makanan yang diberikan oleh hati kecilku ini. Baru kusadari yang kurasa ini ternyata nyata!

Diluar, bunga-bunga salju sedang bermain dengan angin musim semi. Angin yang terlalu dingin untuk bertiup di akhir bulan Maret. "Mungkin cuaca yang jelek ini juga penyebabnya?", kucoba mecari kambing hitam untuk ketidakstabilan emosiku. Tidak ada air mata. Atau mungkin air mata itu ada. Hanya saja dia tidak jatuh di pipi tapi jatuh di dalam dada, dan meresap ke dalam hati. Ah, encok mungkin yah saraf-sarafku ini sampai tak mampu menjalankan tugasnya!

Waktu sepertinya membuat lukisan kegembiaraanku memudar. Kira-kira seperti cita-cita yang dikhianati rasa ketidakpedulian; orang bule bilang, "whatever!". Aku sadar, terlalu muda bagku untuk merasa capek dengan hidup. Terlebih lagi, terlalu diberkati aku untuk menyanyikan melodi sendu. Keterlaluan!

Mungkinkah ini suatu ujian? Ujian untuk naik dari kelas "berterima kasih untuk segala berkat" ke kelas "mengucap syukur untuk semua suka dan duka".

Hanya satu yang aku mengerti saat ini. Aku kangen rumah, pengen pulang. Rindu makanan yang rasanya mengelitik lidah, semerawut kota dengan bisingnya lagu dari angkot, panasnya terik sang mentari yang seolah-olah membenci bumi, khasnya bau tanah yang tercium sehabis hujan deras... rindu semua!
Aku kangen rumah.. aku kangen mereka.. aku kangen dia

Boredom = creativity (?)

so yea, I was bored, tired, stressed out (about flight home), in a bad mood, and.. also kinda annoyed already with my too-long bangs..

A pair of scissors was around and I just thought I should do something to ease the satiation of my soul..

this is what I came up with:





and wenny laughed when she saw this pic.. -_-"

it doesn't beat for smiles
neither it beats so I should cry
for I knew that happiness and tears
have always been there, the colours of my puzzle piece

if it is still beating
it means He wants me to get going
to share, care as well as to dare
learning how to value mine and others out there

the way it beats
not too fast, not too slow
like enough rain gives life to the trees
it beats for me to survive, for my faith to grow

it beats for the loves of my life
though far yet so close, all them five
it gratefully beats for Him
it patiently beats for him

and I love the way it beats..

Au sujet de vous

Je ne peux pas deviner
Je ne peux pas lire
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous

vous me faites interrogeant
toujours à mon coeur
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous

ce qui si à l'extrémité je t'aime
de votre faiblesse à votre qualité
ce qui si tout vient vrai
c'est probablement le plus beau

il y a beaucoup d'étoiles
juste comme mes questions
au sujet de vous
au sujet de vous

Sudah di tangan

Finally, setelah latihan yg jatuh bangun dan perasaan nervous yang meresahkan.. akhirnya selesai sudah ujiannya! I was more than ready to fail than to success on my first test. But all glory to God, I passed my ohio state driving exam on my first attempt! ^^

Semalem sebelum test, papa telpon. Ensuring me that there's nothing to be afraid of. Katanya, ya kalo gagal ya wes, nanti pulang manado papa ajarin lg manuvernya (ini yg gua paling takut soale). So ya, pas smalem gua mo tdr, gua dah pikir, ya wes kao gagal ntar pas pulang summer gua bljr lagi dah. Kind of make sense sih kalo gua %-asi untuk gagalnya lebih bnyk dr berhasilnya, secara gua tuh kalo nge-drive di manado tiap kali mau parking paralel pasti guanya ngacir aje. huehueueh. I hate paralel parking. But yea, I made it today! hohohoho..

hepi dah pokoknya! =D

btw, pengen nonton Slumdog Millionaire niiieee.. Sabtu kemaren sih rencananya mo noton, abis CG. But that night was an exceptionally good fellowship sih. Kitanya sampe males mo pulang. Udah firTunya okeh punya (Tante Yulie hadir sebagai pembicara tamu), satenya tante Yulie maknyussss abis, plus kite2 maen rockband pula. Alhasil kite2 br cabut dr rmh ko Tries jam 2 pagi.hueueuheuhe.. We really enjoyed each other's company that night and I am so grateful to have them as my family in Christ!

Skarang sih smua dah pada sibuk belajar buat exam. So yea, I think I'll just wait until I go back to Indo and proly watch it with my siblings. Ntar lg spring break abis niiiihhh.. huuhuu.. sedih deh gua.. ah, skrg mo hepi2 dl aja lah yah. secara baru lulus tes sim! heuheuheue

Beauty vs Prettiness Part 2

(So yea, that night of amazement explained on my previous post is the derivation of this post)

Let's be straightforward this time!

I believe that not everyone is pretty

Well, if everyone was pretty, everyone would be American top models. Or, there would not be such term as 'model'. Makes enough sense, I suppose. I do not regret the fact that I wasn't born as a physically very attractive girl. I used to do so, though. Well, not as extreme as 'regret' but I won't lie I often saddened by the fact that I wasn't born as pretty as my big sister. When I was little, I always compare myself to her. More aptly, people do compare us directly and indirectly. She has everything (Asian) girls want/ wish to have- cute pimple-free face, nice body, intelligence, strong characteristic, bright skin, nice slender legs, easy to manage hair, handsome boyfriend, and many others that I cannot recall now at 3.20am in the morning. Next to her, I felt like a shadow. That kind of feeling is indeed a yukie one, isn't it? Why do I have to be born not so pretty (if not ugly)?

Being pretty is not easy

As I grow older, I perceive life's facts better. Age gives one more angles in seeing one's and other's lives. My big sister is older than me (of course, duh Angel!). She also got the chance to face the world of young lads, earlier than me. From my naive 13 year-old perspective, I truly admired the fact that cute boys are always in line for her. Man, she just need to point one of them with her pinkie! (that's more and less what I thought). Then as I aged, entered senior high school, I also got the chance to be introduced to the complex world of the opposite sex. My line wasn't as long as my sister's for some obvious reasons. No surprise, coz I kind of expected that to happen. But hey, I was not upset or whatsoever. Always see the glass as half full, not half empty! I took lessons from what I see. Being pretty is a blessing yet is not an easy job. For my sister's case, I see how so many boys want to be her man. Many men equals hard to choose. Both the real gentlemen and the jerks are attracted to good looking laides = common sense. The good and the pretend-to-be-good lads are mixed up! Isn't it hard for a pretty girl to decide which one is really, in and out, a good one? Being pretty is a tough job (of course because the jerks do act up to be angelic when they want to get the hot chick!). For the not-so-pretty one, not a lot of boys in stock. The boy(s) that are attracted to her is/are likely to be so because of knowing her as a person aka her personality. My 'unprettiness' automatically eliminates the ones that were (could be) into me only for the sake of lust. The guys, the only few ones, that were attracted to me were those who see me as who I am, not what I am. As a result, not so many boys to choose from! See how much easier for me to pick the good one? If you are in the same situation as mine, be grateful for that!

Pretty is about relativity

Then as I got to meet more and more people and travel from a place to another, I came to a realization that prettiness is indeed relative to so many aspects aka "cantik itu relatif". If I were in the middle of America's top models, of course I would look like a lackey! But say I were in the middle of the "ugly" ones, I would surely look very pretty! But again, the term "ugly" itself is rather ambiguous. It depends on the society. Lighter skin is pretty for the Japanese, while the Westerns are obsessed with golden tanned skin. Most Asian girls believe that to be pretty means to be skinny. While in some African tribes, the plumper a girl the prettier she is. It's like a coin having two sides, each side has equal probability to occur: at a place you might be categorized as pretty yet at another place the chance that you will join the group of "ugly" people is just as big!

Yet I do believe that everyone is beautiful

Beauty is universal yet represented uniquely in each soul. I have heard many complaints form my friends, about the discouragement they feel for not being physically so attractive. I swear I do not bring this up so that I can blame them. Neither do I talk about this to show how strong of a girl I am or how humongous my confidence is. I just sincerely want to share my thoughts because I know exactly how it feels to feel that way. I believe our God is a fair God. He creates everyone to be beautiful. Another reason to convince you this is the fact that He creates us according to His image! If you were ugly, does it mean God is ugly then since you were created according to His image? Na-ah! Hey, don't piss Him off by having such poor paranoid thought! Everyone, you and me are included, is BEAUTIFUL!

Beauty is incomparable

Every person is beautiful in their own unique ways (trust me, our God is an awesomely creative Dude!) and thus beauty is incomparable. Just like you cannot juxtapose apple and orange, you cannot compare your beauty to someone else's. My beauty is different from yours. Say someone is very good at cooking, that's her beauty. You might not be as good at cooking neither you are a very good looking chick but you always listen to people when they need a friend to talk to- another form of beauty! You might be, size wise, a bit wider than other girls but your warm sincere smile cheers your peeps' days, won't you call it a beauty? Patience, forgiveness, humbleness, good sense of humor, sincerity, open-mindedness, passionate life, dedication, friendliness, and many other forms of beauty that I just cannot think of right now at almost 5am in the morning (I really should go to bed soon). Prettiness is enjoyed by the eyes, beauty is embraced by the heart It's not the question whether you are beautiful or not because you are 101% undeniably freaking beautiful. What matters is whether you can let your beauty shine or not!


"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart"
~Kahlil Gibran

"Prettiness may fade as time goes by yet a shining beauty is well preserved in the heart"
~Angel Mogie

Beauty vs Prettiness Part 1

It's been a while since the time I decided to write about these thoughts of mine regarding to this rather universal issue- Beauty (vs prettiness). I have been postponing to elaborate them on my blog for some reasons (including midterms, reasonable enough right?).

Couple of months ago I started reading a book I bought at a library in Columbus (I went there with you ko Bud, remember?! :) that I haven't manage to finish (as always..). Cannot recall the title or the author but I remember a quote saying: Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I do agree. I agree that it is true. Yet I do agree that to bring such belief into practice is not a cup of tea. It is neither as easy nor as enjoyable as eating chili (for a chili freak like moi). Especially for girls, I'd say. In almost every society, regardless of race and tradition, females are often associated with prettiness. Disagree I do not, though I think most people seldom remember to correlate females with beauty- an aspect that, I believe, gives females their true values for being a woman.

It is still crystal clear in my mind how amazed I was to witness such breath taking view.

That night was the night after the snow storm, the bloody freezing week of +/- -5F. Some classes were canceled. None of mine was, too bad. Even worse, I still went to work in the library. The fact that snow and I aren't good friends is a public secret, I guess (my peeps are proly fed up w/ my complaints about how much I hate snow by now!). To have to still go working that night wasn't really pleasing and resulted in me regretting my decision to take the ten-to-midnight shifts on Mondays and Wednesdays. Ahhh, I hate snow and the cold weather. I hate it when it's so cold that I couldn't feel my nose anymore. As always, when the clock hits midnight,I would rush my way back to the dorm while listening to my iPod and quietly humming the songs. But that night, I was enchanted!

Twigs were frozen, leaves were elegantly rigour. The winter buds looked like sugar-coated red lollipops.Plus the not-so-bright yellow light from the postlamps, landed on them. Make the trees look like fairies wearing shimmering gowns. I was like, in the wonderland! Really, the rather ugly old postlamps were doing their best job that night. The trees were flickering and I was enchanted! I stopped walking and decided to watch a long branch that was bent, almost touching the ground, because of holding the heavy ice. It was tres belle! I touched the cold silky ice coated branch. My fingers were carefully exploring the frozen twigs, trying not to break any of them. I must look goofy for doing that. But no one was around anyway. So, yea, that was the first time I liked snow.lol. More that that, I learned an important lesson: just like snow that has always been my enemy could create such wonderful view, there's always a bright side of anything if I want to walk side by side with this someone called positive-minded.

I was glad that God, through nature, reminds me that being a moaner will never do me any good. Although, that was not the only lesson I drew from that captivating night. For some random reasons, I came up with thoughts about beauty and how it is different from being pretty.

Let's talk about that on a new post! Next..
(did not expect the interlude would be this long. lol)

Single Happy

I accidentally found this song.. recently into it coz I think it really fits me a lot! I am single and very happy! hehehehe :)

mereka bilang aku pemilih dan kesepian
terlalu keras menjalani hidup
beribu nasehat dan petuah yang diberikan
berharap hidupku bahagia

reff:
aku baik baik saja
menikmati hidup yang aku punya
hidupku sangat sempurna
I'm single and very happy
mengejar mimpi mimpi indah
bebas lakukan yang aku suka
berteman dengan siapa saja
I'm single and very happy

mereka bilang sudah saatnya karena usia
untuk mencari sang kekasih hati
tapi kuyakin akan datang pasangan jiwaku
pada waktu dan cara yang indah

back to reff

waktu terus berjalan tak bisa kuhentikan
kuinginkan yang terbaik untuk hidupku

back to reff

by. Oppie Andaresta

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7oJguYIIRI

hmmm..

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
[kalo straightforward sih emang bener bgt.. hehehe]


The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
[wah.. bener banget nihhh!! eh, "this makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes" oh really?lol]


Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
[101% agree dah!]

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
[ahahaha.. sensible tactics! :D plenty of dates?? interesting..]

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
[hmmm.. kinda true. But at least I am not as geeky as I used to be loh.. hehe^^]

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
[oh yea!]

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
[Definitely! I am a family oriented person! :)]


What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
[hmmm.. 1st sentence rada bener. 2nd sentence, sometimes. 3rd sentence sih rada menyimpang sih.. heuheuhue]

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
[Last sentence itu bener2 I second the motion dah!]