dear you

why the closer it gets, the more complicated it becomes?

I thought as the "due date" is coming, things are going to become much clearer and more comprehensible. Apparently, it is getting much more nerve racking- completely the opposite from what expected! Is it meant to be this way for a good start? Or, rather, does it have to be this way for a wiser ending? It would be such a pity if it has to end this way. Not only that it has not even been started yet, but also the way it terminates just won't be good for any of us (especially in terms of future correspondence). Hard feelings and resentments. I am trying to avoid them as much as I can, no matter whether we are destined to be together or not. But I guess, to ignore the emotional fluctuations related to someone I dear so much, is simply beyond my capability as a human being. Well, if it has to come to an end this soon, I would take it as God's re-direction. He just doesn't want me to settle for less than His best :) Though, I can tell and will not deny that it might break my heart and hurt me so much, so very much that I just don't want to think about it. I won't blame anyone but my self- for letting myself became emotionally attached to him. A good friend of mine once said, "If you dare to love, you must dare to hurt!". Yet one thing for sure, God will walk it through with me and, at the end of the day, I will be just fine!


we will see..