Welcome to the 20s club!

I am 20 now. Not a teenager anymore. I am curious about what life will bring into my 20s; graduating, go to grad school, having nieces and nephews, and meeting my soul mate maybe?

I thank God for HIS love and blessings and guidance up to now. It's been 20 years now and Your love is unfailing and I bless you, my dear Father.

3 goals I want to achieve as presents to myself:

1. Be more organized and retire from my "Miss Dead Line" title
2. Implies the saying "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". It is okay to not be pretty, but it is lame to not be beautiful for everyone is beautiful in their own ways if they are able to let their beauties shine!
3. Go to breakfast!!!

Happy birthday to me! =]

The Scientist

by. Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh ohh (x4)

this song recalls truckloads of memories
past and present, I am cherishing both!
please take me back to the start..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNwQeedQfZE

re-reminded

I don't understand this. How can people play two masquerades at a time? Especially two very opposite masques. I know no one is perfect, including me. But this is just ridiculous! It is somewhat goofy, in my opinion. However, it's good to know. I learn something. A pretty essential fact that teaches me to be wiser in deciding whether to trust or not.

Anyhow, the whole thinking about this "essential fact" leads me to a realization about something even more essential. I was surprised by my self how I am still into that "more essential fact". It is kind of complicated to be explained and also I don't feel like sharing it here in my blog. Though, the take home message is, I should not take anyone as a re-bound since I myself don't want to be taken as a re-bound!

Once I open my door for a guest, I should wait until that guest is gone and the door is closed before opening another door for another guest. The guest can stay as long as it wants, I don't mind really. Just, I don't think I can handle two guests at a time. Too hectic. Maybe, I'll wait for this guest to finish taking a good rest in my room and let my room to be empty for a while and not welcoming another guest. I guess I need to hoover (and do the dishes as well).

To be with someone who tends to lead me into becoming someone else, or more aptly, put me in situations that makes me think I should be this or that way (in order to please that person).. pardonez-moi mon ami, you better back off! I'd rather stay single forever! I only/just/must want to fall for someone who knows all my goodness and weaknesses, yet still love me. I will surrender this heart ONLY for someone who makes me feel great for being my self; simply just the way I am!
I used to accept as true the saying 'to be in love with someone, you don't get to choose.. you just fall!'. Now, it's about principle; Life will teach you to subordinate your heart to your mind.

The great one is unreachable, cannot share
The reachable one is rather fake and lame
Neither the great, the lame nor me should take the blame
For through this all I am becoming wiser and more humane

I am my own prisoner (and could relrease myself)

Some people say that some things are better left unsaid. I do agree yet, to some extent, have to disagree too. Things that are left unsaid are often ended up being said later on. It's like a 'bom waktu'. No matter how long you keep and hide it, it will explode at some point.

To me, some things are better unsaid but even better forgotten (if possible). Some things are too wasteful to remember, like burning blood in an oil lamp. To hide but also trace memories that aren't supposed to be traced is like digging a grave for oneself. I would rather not to hide anything from myself. Honesty is still the best policy. Well, I won't deny that I violate that policy sometimes, for the sake of others or 'the situation'. But I do not want to hide anything from myself. At least I am trying not to. Running away from my conscience is what I struggle to avoid. I don't want my brain and my heart to play hide and seek with each other. My brain has the right to know what my heart feels, yet should not necessarily be ruled by the feelings.

To know my self at the level of my very own being (if that makes any sense) is a goal I am trying to achieve. I believe: to control, I first have to overcome. Overcome my emotions and feelings. Overcome my mood and my unmotivated mind. But first of all I have to be able to overcome my dishonesty. Being a liar to my own self does me no good. I found that it's better to let my self know the worst fact than pretending not knowing it by saying 'oh, it's better left unsaid'. Yes it is better left unsaid to you! But not to my heart.

Running AWAY will not solve a problem-- you got to run THROUGH it!
When one runs away from a problem, it's just like running in a circle; yes you are far from the center yet will never get any further. But once one runs through it, the distance from the problem will go to infinity, like a continuous linear line (hopefully)!

Running through a problem might hurt, but it makes you stronger. You burn a lot yet learn a lot!

Misery won't touch you gentle. It always leaves its thumbprints on you; sometimes it leaves them for others to see, sometimes for nobody but you to know of. One day, I will be at the age when my memory won't always serve me well. And at that time, I will, completely, no longer be a prisoner of my own.



No superstition

A discourse on aiming for heaven and maintainng joy in one's heart

Yesterday I talked to Ko Bud over the phone for a while. He mentioned about his plan to go to NYC right after thanksgiving retreat. That sounds cool to me since going to NYC is one of the holiday destinations in my must-do-before-going-back-to-Indo-forgood list. But I came up with a disagreement with him when he said that he might be going there by himself. I was kind of insisting that going to a place for holiday without any friend is rather unpleasant and less meaningful. When it comes to traveling, to me, what matters the most is not where I am going but with who I am going. Although, when he said that he might spend the whole time in NYC exploring museums, I then showed some compromises.

Today, I was surprised by my Bible reading. It is on Revelation 22:6-17, which emphasizes so much on what it means to aim for heaven as our final destination. Is it the glory of heaven that foreground my intention to experience heaven? Is it plainly because I am avoiding the burning hell? Or is it something else? What is my motivation (behind all the good deeds I do) in achieving heaven?

Just like my believe in what is most important about a holiday, I think it is the same case to a newly wed couple in planning their honeymoon. They might get busy and excited with all the brochures and websites that offer them all the great honeymoon destinations but overall it is not so much about the place; it's about being with the person you love! :) We got used to places no matter how glorious they are. But being with a person who loves us and whom we love never gets old!

Such intentions like mine and the newly wed couple's (about having holidays/ honeymoon) is the kind of intention one should have toward 'heaven as the final holy destination'. Heaven is, undeniably, an incredible place beyond our dreams. But the greatest joy to be in heaven will be the experience to be with Jesus FOREVER! Could you imagine how marvelous and fascinating it would be to see Jesus, someone who died for us and who unconditionally loves and care about us, face to face? To spend eternity with Jesus is the greatest aspect of heaven!

I believe that the connection between my light chat with Ko Bubud last night and my Bible reading this morning is not just simply a coincident. Instead, I believe it happened by God's will- so I can have a better comprehension of what He wants to tell/ teach me through my today's Bible reading.

To be reminded again about the right aim to experience heaven also reminds me about what I should endeavor to achieve in my life as a Christian, whom believe in Jesus more than just as a God who rules but also as an Abba Father who loves me eternally PLUS unconditionally. In dealing with this life, of which is full with uncertainties, I should not focus too much on the blessings He gives me. Instead, I should focus more on Him- the SOURCE OF MY BLESSINGS. The capability of applying such simple yet important ideology will not only lead me into becoming a wiser person in interpreting any events that happen in my life, but also will aid me in sustaining the joy in my soul.

Possessing a rather brittle heart, Joy is what I need to survive in this challenging world. I accept as true that a true joy is a gift from God. Nonetheless, just like any other gift would decrease in value if we did not take a good care of it, the joy in our hearts could decay as well. We need to act to uphold the joy in our heart. Through the help of the Holly Spirit and our acts, the sustainability of the true joy will remain unshaken.

Prepared, Planted, Placed, Pruned, Prospered (2)

God planted a garden... there He put the man whom He had formed.
Genesis 2:8 NKJV



What does it mean to plant? To bury seeds beyond human view so that they germinate and eventually produce fruit. In God's plan for your life, He's planted blessings you experience over time. Just because you walk out into a field and don't see a crop, doesn't mean the seeds aren't there; God has planted things in your life that will come to fruition at different times.

It's amazing that God would plant. Why would He go to such trouble when He could just speak a word and create it? Think of the love, the personal involvement of the Creator of the universe, as He stoops down and plants blessings to come up at different seasons in your life. Everything God has for you hasn't come up yet, so you can't give up, or walk away and say, "That's all there is." No, God's got so much planted that you haven't yet seen or experienced. You're still becoming what He planted. Knowing that reinforces your faith that it will happen. It also means God believes in you - even when you don't believe in yourself.

There are talents in you that haven't been discovered and dreams that haven't been fulfilled. That's what the battle is about! The devil is fighting you over your destiny. He knows what's been planted in you and he's trying to kill the seed. Don't let him. You're not the person you'll be six months or six years from now, because there's a time factor; everything doesn't come to harvest at the same time. You have to have faith and patience, otherwise you'll miss what God has for you.


TheVine

Officially

From now on, I am officially a Kenyon College Molecular Biology Major! :)

to be continued..