odd

I cannot sleep. Or, I don't want to sleep. Well, I guess it's a combination of a bit of both.

I decided to watch Juno. Quite unusual, I know. I don't like watching and everyone knows. But, hey, I decided to spend my free Friday evening watching! ^^hehehe. Actually we (my ladies and I) watched Superbad yeterday night. It wasn't bad an I found that I liked 'Evan' (one of the characters in that movie). To be frank, he's cute :) And yes he's in Juno too..

This movie, Juno, gave me such a strange feeling. But I was feeling kinda strange already before I watched it. I found it to be pretty abnormal- I was feeling emotionaly moved during all the scenes that involved the baby. I felt like, oh-dang it-!-I-really-want-to-have-a-baby-! Unfortunately I will need a dad to achieve that. And I don't think I have found or want to find one. To be fair, I am not ready to be the wife of that dad! Hahaha. Yes, I am bulshitting ^^

You know when you just feel something you don't expect to. I bet this is because I am alone now. Roomies are gone home and my room is pretty much empty now- packed, sealed and ready to go baby!lol. I just realized I've never had such private time and space like this at Kenyon before. There would always be people or/and something going on around me and I just realized that I was fed up with that. Subconsciously fed up! Now I am alone- face to face with my heart!

Once I realized that, I was suprsed by all those thoughts of mine that were burried inside me. They then just bursted out! Burried inside my heart, unspoken because of my too occupied brain. Or perhaps it was spoken out but just not loud enough. Or, it could be that my surround was too fuzzy that I couldn't even hear what my heart was trying to tell me. I did not know what it was coming from- or, an ignorance?

All of the sudden I feel like I am leaving Ohio and will never be back! It's weird coz I know for sure I am coming back. If I could give myslef a guess, I would say that it might be the anxiety of losing something. I feel like once I leave this place, I will leave all those memories behind. They would be tossed away and forgotten. That would make me sad.. Coz, at least, I don't want to be forgotten. I really don't. Although in this case, it is more likely that it will happen.

It is 5am. In twelve hours I will be flying with US Airways to CA. Hopefully this one will be a pleasant one :)