I am my own prisoner (and could relrease myself)

Some people say that some things are better left unsaid. I do agree yet, to some extent, have to disagree too. Things that are left unsaid are often ended up being said later on. It's like a 'bom waktu'. No matter how long you keep and hide it, it will explode at some point.

To me, some things are better unsaid but even better forgotten (if possible). Some things are too wasteful to remember, like burning blood in an oil lamp. To hide but also trace memories that aren't supposed to be traced is like digging a grave for oneself. I would rather not to hide anything from myself. Honesty is still the best policy. Well, I won't deny that I violate that policy sometimes, for the sake of others or 'the situation'. But I do not want to hide anything from myself. At least I am trying not to. Running away from my conscience is what I struggle to avoid. I don't want my brain and my heart to play hide and seek with each other. My brain has the right to know what my heart feels, yet should not necessarily be ruled by the feelings.

To know my self at the level of my very own being (if that makes any sense) is a goal I am trying to achieve. I believe: to control, I first have to overcome. Overcome my emotions and feelings. Overcome my mood and my unmotivated mind. But first of all I have to be able to overcome my dishonesty. Being a liar to my own self does me no good. I found that it's better to let my self know the worst fact than pretending not knowing it by saying 'oh, it's better left unsaid'. Yes it is better left unsaid to you! But not to my heart.

Running AWAY will not solve a problem-- you got to run THROUGH it!
When one runs away from a problem, it's just like running in a circle; yes you are far from the center yet will never get any further. But once one runs through it, the distance from the problem will go to infinity, like a continuous linear line (hopefully)!

Running through a problem might hurt, but it makes you stronger. You burn a lot yet learn a lot!

Misery won't touch you gentle. It always leaves its thumbprints on you; sometimes it leaves them for others to see, sometimes for nobody but you to know of. One day, I will be at the age when my memory won't always serve me well. And at that time, I will, completely, no longer be a prisoner of my own.



No superstition