Tuhan itu baik =]

Pengen banget saat ini mau mengaminkan bahwa memang benar situasi sulit bisa membawa kita untuk bisa lebih sensitif terhadap kasih Tuhan, bisa lebih merasakan bahwa Tuhan itu ada di dekat kita dan sangat penuuuhhhh dng cinta kasih. KuasaNya yang ajaib dinyatakan lewat kelemahanku yang masih penuh dengan daging ini.

I have been feeling down for some days without any obvious reasons. And the bad thing is that I even get unmotivated to pray and do my daily Bible reading. Everything seems to be so pointless. Nothing bad or upsetting happened recently. Malahan, I just came back from the retreat yang begitu memberkati dan memberi inspirasi (the sharing from retreat is coming soon.. wuuahhh, bakal panjang postnya deh!^^).

Hari ini aku bener2 surrender.

I could not do any work. At all. Padahal waktunya ada, cuma motivasinya itu loh, kayak menghilang dari peradaban. This is the first time in my life, even next-day deadline failed to give me the pressure to do my work- org Indo bilang.. ngga ngepek!! Kalo org lost appetite sama makanan, aku lost gairah sama pelajaran2ku (tapi appetite mah jalan terusss.. hehehe). Rasanya maleeeeeeeeeeeees aja bawaannya and semuanya seems so useless. Even kemaren malem, dari jam 8 aku start mo ngerjain maths hw, sampe midnight yg aku tulis tau apa coba? JUST MY NAME AND THE DUE DATE!!!

so, yea, today aku pikir 'wah dah kelewatan nih roh kemalasan gua. gotta ask my BIG DADDY to help me out!'. So I decided that I'd pray. Awalnya susaaaaaaaaah mo doa. Segala macam aku coba bikin sebagai motivasi but teteeeep aja ngga bisa doa. So, aku paksa diriku buat doa!! Grrrrrrr!!! It was hard, but I believe ngga ada yg mustahil bagi Tuhan. I was so confused by my own self that I don't even know what to say/ ask God. I just prayed "Tuhan, Angel nyerah.. please ngomong sama aku.. please.. Angel nyerah.. please Tuhan, ngomong.. help me..". Then, after sometimes, I felt like reading my Bible. Rasanya kata hati gua kayak bilang, "read your bible"!. Aku balik kamar (tadinya di toilet, that's the only nearby place where I can have my private space), ambil Alkitab dan baca. I opened it randomly, dengan iman aku yakin Tuhan akan bicara sama aku lewat firmanNya!

and these are the passage I got (and they are already highlighted!):

"Dalam kesusahan aku berseru kepada Tuhan, dan Ia menjawab aku,"
~ Yunus 2:2a

"Ketika jiwaku letih lesu di dalam aku, teringatlah aku kepada Tuhan, dan sampailah doaku kepada-Mu, ke dalam bait-Mu yang kudus."
~Yunus 2:7

I almost cried when I read that (but malu lah sama roomie..hehe). So I went back to the bathroom and tiba2 saja hatiku pengen banget to do open worship. Although cm di kamar mandi, I believe that hadirat Tuhan bisa turun dimanapun n kapanpun asal kita mau buka hati. Because HIS home is in our hearts! :) I worshiped HIM and I came with my brokenness and surrender everything to HIM. Legaaaaaaaaa rasanya.. I haven't felt this peace for quite a long time. Terlalu busy dng hal2 yg harusnya disepelekan but malah diutamakan, dan yg harusnya diutamakan malah disepelekan (hayaaihh gimana pula kau Njel.. -_-").

Makasi Tuhan dah ngingetin. Udah narik aku balik lagi sebelum aku berjalan menjauh terlalu jauh. Help me know You are near, help me to trust you fully O Lord!