Misunderstanding.

No one likes to be misunderstood, I bet. But sometimes, or often, misunderstanding is just unavoidable. Out of nowhere, I recalled this not-so-heartwarming event that happened between me and R. We fought, verbally, of course, and it was one of our worst fights we have ever had.

Whenever I am having my monthly tsunami attacking me, it's like a "Beware of Dog! KEEP OUT!" sign, seriously. I can be so emotionally engaged in EVERYTHING. I feel sad and not in mood. I can potentially feel down and/ or hopeless for no reason. Sometimes I feel like everyone is against me (weird eh? If you are a boy, just accept this as a fact and do not question it! lol). Often I would cry out of something that lightly annoys me and it could be whatever: from bad weather, inappropriate jokes, late appointment, schoolwork, homesick, to R's tardiness in responding my text, etc etc. Another fact about me during my monthly gift is that the closer I am to a person, the more easily that person can offend me (this is just PLAIN WEIRD! I do not even know how to explain this!). So yea, it was during one of those days. It was on the 2nd day (girls know what I'm talking about. If you are a boy, consult the nearest girl). And R was aware of the fact that, with the cram that I was struggling with, I could explode ANYTIME! The sun was up and smiling warmly to us. We, with couple other friends, were on the way to Purdue for a Permias yearly thing. I was all excited despite of my not-so-fit physical and emotional conditions. Things were going good. Until I read one of those messages, sent by one of his friends, in his cell.


WRITER DISCLAIMER: Unlike many other couples, R and I do not mind about reading each other's texts, emails, etc etc. In fact, we even share our passwords of many things. So, the fact that I was reading his message, was completely under his knowledge and permission.

continue..

So ya, the message from that little imp was not impressive at any level. I was not pleased at all with his half-joking but rather impolite comment. Perhaps I was under my estrogen control. But what I remember was that I was outraged. I hated him (at that time)! I dislike him for being disrespectful to someone whom I love so much, R. I felt disrespected too! It was in a group conversation, and that made it even worse! Though R did not take it seriously, I took it SERIOUSLY. R is a very laid back person. I am the complete opposite of him. And for me, whoever nags him, nags me as well! So I told R how uneasy his friend made me and R understood. Though the only word(s) he kept on saying was "Iya.. Iya.. Udah".

Many days had passed. I should not have held any grudge toward that imp (I do not want to mention a name or initial here). In fact, I do not hate him. We just probably won't ever be best friend. Fair enough rite? And I made a clear statement to R that he should never expect me to become a close friend of that particular friend of him. I do not have any hatred towards that imp anymore, don't get me wrong! I just don't think his personality and the way he communicates match mine. I told R, I can respect that imp as a favor and a form of my love toward R. So ya, as you could guess, I was not settled yet. Even after couple days of the incident, it still tickled my heart sometimes. That imp's words, not so much. R's words, VERY MUCH!

So yea, to make the long story short, I'll just go to the point. Well, I also do not have any intention to share too-personal moments of mine in so much detail here-- where everyone who has internet access can read it! We ended up with a big argument, with me crying (of course). He got me wrong. COMPLETELY wrong. He thought this and that and this and that. And I told him WHY I was holding back about that thing! It was not really about what his friend had said. What that imp had said really is the starter of our arguments. But what annoyed me and turned me into an annoying girl were his RESPONSES, my loved one's CARELESS responses! Screw that imp! I won't spend so much energy dwelling on his silly words. For goodness sake, it's not worth it! So I explained to R that I was so very uneasy all this time because HE DID NOT COMMENT AT ALL ABOUT IT. That the way he say "Iya..iya.. udah..", to me it means "Okay Angel, I got it. But I don't think my friend was wrong. You are just being too sensitive". That was what made me ANGRY!! I did not even know that R ended up talking to his friend about it. How would you suppose me to know that you understand my feelings and stand for me if you never said anything about it, TO ME? I figured out that he told his friend that he did not find his action pleasing at all. He stood for me. Unfortunately I had to figure it out while we were fighting =(

It had been a while since that incident and we never talked about it anymore. I never expected him to talk to his friend, I swear to God! I just wanted to hear what he thinks about it. I just wanted to hear him telling me that he understands how I feel, that he thinks what his friend has done was not right. THAT'S IT! Saying "Iya iya.. Udah" can be very misleading, can't it? I want to feel like he is someone who will protect me from whoever who hurts me, not the other way around. Before the fight, I really thought he was defending his friend and that thought irritated me. I also thought he just simply don;t care about my feelings and that hurt me A LOT! I did apologize to him though, for unconsciously putting him in a hard position and for being so angry at him that time. He also apologized me for not being open. We both realized that it takes TIME to understand our partner's personalities. Though it was not a pleasant memory, we both took lessons from it and we just simply knew each other better :)

The take home messages from this incident:
1. It takes time to understand a person in a very personal level
2. communication is a two-way street.
3. Understanding is the key to a healthy relationship
4. NEVER fight in front of others, even if they are your very close friends.
5. if someone does not love you in the way you want him/ her to, it does not mean he/she does not love you with all his heart.

I love you, Ray! =)